Earthbound 199X
by J. Christopher Claybrooks
Summary: Yet another novelization of the game. It's been done before, but reinventing the wheel never gets old!
1. Prologue

**Earthbound: 199X**

**PROLOGUE**

It's a cruel place outer space, and while that last phrase was rather singsong in a cheerful kind of way the barren void that it describes is rather unforgiving and downright hostile. Of course the hostility of the space paled significantly when compared to the sheer malice of the entity that occupied it. He (it was a he initially; gender tends to be moot when you lack a physical form, yet for the sake of clarity…) wasn't sure where this hostility began and had long ago stopped caring. At that time he wasn't really sure of anything except his own overwhelming desire to kill. It would be overly generous to say that he consciously wanted revenge because that would imply that he was still capable of rational thought, which he wasn't. To be perfectly frank he was insane in the purest most unequivocal sense of the word. However he did want revenge, albeit on a purely instinctual level. There existed three individuals that had caused him pain, taken his sanity, and forced him to flee into the emptiness of space where his mental well being had further deteriorated. He wanted to destroy them and everything remotely related to them, doing so was all he thought about. Constantly. It was in the midst of one of these, well I suppose you could call them musings if you could call anything that passed through that fragmented mind anything, that he sensed the location of one of those that had splintered his mind, the one which he hated second most of the three. And while he was as has been mentioned completely insane his mind was still flawless in logic and analytical prowess. He quickly put together a brilliant strategy for maximizing pain and retribution and hurled his consciousness towards the object of his rage: Onett, a small town in Eagleland.


	2. Night of the Meteor

CHAPTER I: Night of the Meteor

"There's something more…"

"Is that so?"

"He'll be back, you know.

"Yeah, he told me."

"…well?"

"Well what?"

"Well, what are you going to do?"

"I dunno; Leave it to posterity I guess."

"How irresponsible of you."

"You did it."

"Only because I lack the power to defeat him."

"I do too, coincidentally."

"Don't be a smartass."

"I learned from the best, Dad."

X X X X X X X X

It was a dark and dreary night. Well, not really. It was actually warm and cheery and not terribly dark because the stars were shining quite brightly along with a generous bit of help from the silvery moon. Furthermore the town, Onett, was a very upbeat happy place in the daytime and while the pace slowed somewhat after sunset it lost none of its cheer. Just outside of the northern edge of the town a fairly modest house sat atop a hill. It was an average house containing a fairly average family, a father, a mother and their two children. No one ever expected anything extraordinary or even exciting to happen to the eldest boy; nobody expected him to have an extraordinary destiny because he was, at first glance, average. Of course our story isn't about this boy or his family, at least not directly. Our story happens to be about the not so average family that lived in the slightly sub average house next door.

Ness lay in his bed; a deep all-consuming sleep enveloped him like a warm blanket. It was the night of the second to last day of school, and the coming summer promised to be less than interesting, but Ness didn't mind. He would have liked some adventure in his life, but he had always been amazingly contented with his lot, regardless of what situation he found himself in. At that particular moment, he was perfectly contented to sleep comfortably oblivious to everything around him: the hoots and creaks of the night creatures, the rustle of the fresh summer breeze through the trees, or the meteorite plummeting towards the top of the very hill on which his house sat. Contrary to what would be expected, the loud whizzing noise, and the earthshaking crash the meteor made as it slammed into the hillside didn't wake the sleeping boy; it did however bring him close enough to consciousness to be awakened by the police sirens that screeched past his house shortly thereafter.

After opening his eyes and looking about blearily for a bit, Ness stumbled out of bed and through his dark room into the hall. By the time his eyes adjusted to the difference in light his mind was coherent enough to decide that the sirens he had heard had not been a dream, the loud crash needed further investigation though.

"Did you hear that noise?" Tracy, his younger sister asked, visibly perturbed.

"The sirens?" Ness asked sleepily.

"No, the loud crash before the sirens." She said.

"Hmm… guess that wasn't a dream…" he responded.

Tracy was a bit taken aback by this; Ness' affinity for deep sleep was legendary, surpassed only by their father.

"I'm gonna go check it out." He announced walking carefully down the stairs. His mother sat by the window, staring out towards the town with a somber visage, which morphed into a thoughtful glance as she looked at her son.

"Did that loud noise wake you?" she asked.

"Yeah, I wonder what it was…?" Ness ventured.

His mother sighed, "And now you want to go check it out… are you crazy?!" she asked. Seeing his pleading expression she sighed again, "well, I suppose that if I say no you'll just sneak out anyway. Alright, but be careful you little delinquent." She said affectionately before adding, "But, I think it'd be best if you change out of your pajamas before you go."

X X X X X X X X

The night was still bright and retained its sense of calm; the stars still glimmered cheerily as ever and had help from the mysterious glow atop the hill in addition to the moon. Yet Ness felt a certain weight in the air, which he could only describe as—

"Ho Ness!" a tall, scruffy man of infinite pride but limited dignity greeted Ness, interrupting his train of thought.

"Hey Liar," Ness greeted which was in no way an insult as Liar Xavier Aggerate was actually the man's name. "Hey, can you tell me what happened up there? It looks like the whole hill's on fire!"

"A meteorite crashed on the hillside. The weaker citizens probably all fainted," Liar scoffed, "but I didn't because I always work out and eat garlic."

This peaked Ness' interest. He waved a thank you to Liar and continued up the hill. The way up was dotted here and there by officers of the law, most of which knew Ness and didn't give him the obligatory 'you should be in bed' lecture, though some did. Ness' thoughts eventually returned to the pervasive heaviness that he felt. It was almost like staring at a really, really ridiculously fat person up close. As irony would have it, just as Ness completed that thought his eyes fell upon his fat slovenly ass of a neighbor, Pokey Minch. Pokey was Ness' age and had a reputation among all who knew him as the number one most unreliable, whiney, self centered, ill mannered, and self indulgent butterball in existence. No one could really stand him and yet no one was ever straight forward enough to tell him to his face; except Ness who had been born to two incredibly forward parents who had very direct ways of dealing with things. So naturally Pokey thought of Ness as his closest friend, or at least the closest thing to a friend he had which inevitably lead Pokey to be more of a jerk to Ness than anyone else. Ness for his part was always quite civil with pokey because though he never hesitated to tell the boy about himself and wasn't always tactful about it, he always had Pokey's best interest at heart. Ness was a kind soul. After the expository tangent, Pokey spotted Ness coming up the path towards the police roadblock he was trying to weasel his way past. He saw the Policeman to his immediate right whisper something to Ness, who suppressed a chuckle. This irked Pokey. he had been trying for a solid hour (a slight exaggeration on Pokey's part, more like fifteen minutes) to get the fuzz to lighten up and let him through, yet by just being there Ness had them talking and _joking_ in under ten seconds!

"Hey Ness!" he jeered. "Don't be rubbernecking'! You're getting in the cops…" This earned him glares from the men in blue he had been heckling, "oops, I mean Officer's way! You can go home now. Tomorrow I Pokey will tell you more about this strange meteorite. I'm fine here, but you're bugging the officers!"

Ness hated it when Pokey tried to sound smart; he was appallingly unqualified. As Ness was preparing to quote this to him, he felt a sudden need to be home so he turned and left without rebuttal. It was just as well, Onett had a reputation for the quality and quantity of its roadblocks and Ness knew that seeing the meteorite up close was just as hopeless for him as it was for his chubby pseudo-friend Pokey. In any case he needed sleep and the thought of his bed was very inviting, he could almost feel it…

X X X X X X X X

It wasn't very long, or at least it didn't seem like very long, before Ness was awake again. It seemed to him as though he had just climbed into bed when a loud and very rude pounding sounded at the front door. As he walked across the hall and down the stairs Ness wondered what miracle of physics afforded this midnight visitor a knock that was louder than the fall and subsequent crash of a meteorite. Upon reaching the dining area Ness was somewhat startled to see his mother staring out the window with that same uncharacteristically somber expression on her face and a teacup in her hand.

"My land! Who could be knocking this late at night?" she exclaimed upon seeing Ness. Had she not noticed the knocking before now? She ran a hand through her blonde hair, "Could you get it?" she asked sweetly. Ness nodded and went to the door. He had barely turned the latch when it swung open catching him full in the face and a blubbering Pokey stumbled across the threshold.

"Ness!!" He shouted, "L-L-L-Listen to what I have to say!"

Ness soothed his aching nose, "yeah…" he said warily. He didn't like the looks of this, it wreaked of hassle.

"While I was—Oh, you're looking lovely as usual ma'am!" Pokey addressed Ness' mother with a snicker, "as I was saying, while I was watching Pickey, we were at the meteorite, the police suddenly left to go deal with the sharks, you know the local ruffians," he patronized.

"Yeah, Pokey," Ness responded, "I do _live_ in Onett…"

Pokey continued, "Yeah, and they were really going wild!" he opened his mouth and shut it abruptly, deciding in the interest of time against adding any embellishments. "Anyway, when I looked around Pickey was nowhere to be found! I blame the cops; it certainly wasn't my fault at all! When my parents get home I'm gonna' get it big time!" Ness thought about adding a snide comment here, but couldn't think of one. Snide comments weren't his style after all. Instead he simply nodded gravely. There was a pause which Ness correctly feared to mean that Pokey wanted his help finding his lost younger brother.

"Won't you help me find Pickey?" Pokey pleaded in the meekest voice he could muster.

"Sure…" Ness answered with a sigh. He didn't mind Pickey's company and was willing to help even if it meant saving Pokey from his own irresponsible behavior at the cost of his own sleeping pattern. Ness was as was previously stated, a kind soul. He turned to his mother who was still clutching her teacup, this time with a far away look in her eyes.

"Be careful," she said gently, "no matter what happens always remember that you're my courageous strong boy and just 'go for it'!" She smiled somewhat sadly, "The cracked bat in Tracey's room should help out at a time like this, but I think you should change out of your jimmies before you go…" Ness nodded, and trekked upstairs to change. Something was definitely out of place and he vaguely wondered as to the cause for the speech his mother had given him, he was just going up the hill to get Pickey. In his sister's room he found his father's old baseball bat; a deep crack ran along its length. Ness didn't know how it had gotten damaged or even why his parents insisted on keeping it. He shrugged as he slung the old bat over his shoulder and bounded down the stairs in his favorite blue and yellow striped shirt and lucky blue jean shorts. He tucked his wild black hair under his old beat up baseball cap and headed for the door.

X X X X X X X X

The night was still bright but had lost a good bit of its cheer as the party made its way up the hill. Ness led the way followed by a squeamish Pokey and Ness' lazy unreliable dog King who his mother had persuaded him to bring as added protection. Ness had to in turn persuade the King to come and ended up bribing the dog with doggie treats. Ness heard King muttering about flees sucking him dry and chalked it up to lack of sleep. That was the only explanation for how weird the night was becoming; his mothers' uncharacteristic behavior, the dog _talking _and the mysterious phone call from his father just as they were walking out the door. They were just going up the hill, why were his parents acting as if he was going off on some long journey? As if all that hadn't been enough there was still that mysterious feeling in the air which was heavier now than it had been previously. He was apparently not the only one who felt it. The night animals seemed to be agitated by it as well and Ness could feel their unrest, especially that of the stray dog straddling the path ahead of them, its eyes gleaming in the light of Pokey's flashlight. Pokey let out a whimper.

"It's just a dog…" Ness said a little exasperated at Pokey's cowardice. The stray let out a low growl and hunched close to the ground before charging at them and sinking its teeth into Ness' arm. Ness let out a surprised grunt before bringing his bat down on the creature's head. The dog yelped and fell back, before facing them down, still growling; King Charged forward barking angrily about how troublesome it was to be out this late at night, fighting other dogs. The stray sidestepped him and lunged at Ness again, who was ready for the attack. He caught the dog on the side of the maw with his best home run swing, the dog yelped and retreated whimpering into the night.

"Come on." Ness said.

"B-But…" Pokey stammered.

"What?" Ness asked.

"You're bleeding!" Pokey gasped.

Ness looked down at his arm where the stray had bitten him. "It's no big deal." He shrugged, "It's just bleeding a lot."

"But you could be infected!" Pokey cried out, "I don't want to catch the hydrophobia!"

Ness blinked incredulously, "Will you just come on!" He resisted the urge to call Pokey fat ass, as the blonde hulk was particularly sensitive to that name.

After a few more run-ins with the local wildlife, including a particularly spiteful crow that Ness had to beat off of Pokey's face Ness had something of an epiphany. It was quite unlike anything he had previously experienced and was at a loss as to how to explain it to the others. Suddenly, after beating a hostile garden snake into submission Ness came to understand that he had the ability to heal himself. He was puzzled at first, and then when Pokey wasn't looking he quietly whispered "lifeup… alpha…" and found that a pale green light surrounded his body. A cool soothing feeling flowed over the bite marks on his arms and the scrape on his knee where he had tripped and fallen. Pokey was oblivious to the light; he simply didn't notice it or the mysterious absence of Ness' fresh wounds. The group eventually reached Liar X. Aggerate's cabin; the man was still standing outside looking proud. Ness inquired about the whereabouts of Pickey.

"I heard a child's voice on the hilltop, but I was too busy to investigate. I'm a busy man, but when I do a job, I do it well. I'm a man's man!" said Lair, who always spoke in such self bolstering speals. Ness was glad to find the Police roadblock vacated and they rounded the hill as the meteorite came into view. The atmosphere was heavy with… something. Ness couldn't place what it was, but it was palpable. He wasn't surprised when King turned and ran, grumbling about how spooky it was. Pokey seemed not to notice. In fact he was rather intent on just watching the meteorite and seemed to forget all about his lost brother sleeping under a nearby tree. Ness walked over and woke the boy gently and Pickey's eyes popped open with a start.

"ugh… huh?! Oh, you woke me." He said.

"What are you doing up here by yourself?" Ness asked.

"Pokey got scared and ran away," Pickey yawned as he looked over his shoulder at Pokey who was only vaguely aware that he was the subject of the conversation. "Geeze," Pickey continued, "Sometimes I wonder which of us is the real big brother." Ness laughed at this and turned to go.

"Ness!" Pokey stopped him, snapping out of his reverie "Do you hear that sound? Like a bee buzzing?" he asked.

"No." Ness said. He was about to grumble something about Pokey's 'dire' situation with his parents when a sharp buzzing filled the air. A heavy beam of light shot up from the meteor and from it emerged a small winged insect.

"A bee I am…" It said, "Not."

"Could this night get a little weirder?" Ness questioned the fading light.

If they could have made out the tiny insect's facial features, they would have seen a smirk laden with irony.

"My name is buzz buzz" The bee continued, "I come from ten years in the future and in the future, all is devastation. Giygas the universal cosmic destroyer has sent all into the horror of eternal darkness." He said sagely. He paused as if expecting a response then continued over the stunned silence, "However, where I am from there is a well known legend," He cleared his throat "It says that when the chosen boy reaches the point, he will find the light, and the passage of time will shatter the nightmare rock and reveal the path of light." He paused again, and there was still silence. Continuing he said, "It is my opinion that you are that boy, Ness." At this he got a reaction.

"Huh? Me?" The stunned boy nearly shouted.

"Indeed." Buzz buzz began again. "The legend further speaks of three boys and a girl who defeat Giygas."

Somewhere in some remote, barely conscious corner of his mind Ness thought, _Maybe the girl will be cute… _but the rest of his brain was still stretching and contorting to get around what the miniscule time traveler had just told him, though it eventually got tired and gave up.

"…Wisdom, Courage, and Friendship." Buzz buzz was saying, "Ness, do you understand?"

Ness nodded absently. He really didn't, but Buzz buzz needn't know that.

"Thank you for listening to my long story. You are exceptional as I expected you to be, Ness. Now go!" The bee said, "And do not be anxious about the future."

_That I can do…_ Ness thought.

"Three boys? I hope I'm not one of those boys…" Pokey said, "Because I'm not into this sort of thing at all!" he quickly added.

Pickey was rather excited. He was an adventurous youngster, and he was babbling about how lucky Ness was and how he hoped that he was one of the boys and the adventures they could have. Of course what Pickey failed to realize was just who Ness would be up against, and just what arsenals this Giygas character had at his disposal. He was made painfully aware of it as one of these arsenals descended from the sky in a beam of light.

"I've finally found you… Buzz Buzz." The silvery soldier whirred in his tinny synthesized voice.

"It's been a long time Jr." Buzz buzz replied coldly.

"It would appear that you've been successful at foiling Master Giygas' plans, however you are now nothing more than a useless insect." Jr. droned methodically.

"You cannot win Starman." Buzz Buzz stated defiantly, "if you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine!"

"Useless," Starman responded, "I'll stomp you hard! PSI FIRE ALPHA!!" A spark leapt from their mechanical assailant's tentacle.

"PSI SHIELD!!" Buzz Buzz cried, as a glowing white dome formed over the three young boys and the bug. The spark impacted the shield and exploded into a wave of flame and dissipated, leaving them unharmed.

Pickey began chanting, apparently trying to cast some magic spell. His elder brother meanwhile hid behind Ness mumbling an apology to the 'nice tin man' for getting in his way and opposing Giygas. Starman Jr. chuckled and snaked his metal tentacle at the Pickey. Seeing this Ness did what came naturally to him. He hurled himself between Pickey and the oncoming attack, raising his bat instinctively to block the blow. The bat was splintered and nearly broke while Ness was hurled backwards over Pickey's head. Jr. Leapt through the Shield and raised his other tentacle, ready to make an end of Ness when Buzz Buzz charged in and tore a gaping hole in Starman Jr.'s chest; the synthetic warrior could only give a surprised whir before he detonated.

"That was close." Buzz buzz said, "I was taking a big chance there, as he was sent here from ten years in the future to kill me!"

_You were taking a chance…_ Ness thought.

"Yes, I was." Buzz Buzz replied to the mental sarcasm. "You did very well in your first real battle Ness, but you can't relax. From now on you'll be fighting enemies sent by Giygas as well as humans and animals that have become violent due to Giygas' influence over the evil in their minds. We must continue, there is much to tell and much more to do."

They got back to the Minch household without further incident. Pokey carefully cracked the door and peaked inside.

"I don't think my parents are home yet…" he said. The four of them snuck in through the front door and had made it halfway through the living room when the lights were switched on revealing two irate parents.

"Where in the SAM HILL have you boys BEEN?!" Mrs. Minch questioned.

Pokey stammered out the beginnings of an explanation.

"You boys are in a LOT of trouble!" Mr. Minch yelled as he chased the boys up the stairs. The cracking of a belt and several horrified and rather feminine screams (Pokey's, of course) could be heard from upstairs.

"My husband is far too lenient with the children." Mrs. Minch drawled.

Ness said nothing. He had never liked being in that house, and was intently looking for a way to exit. By this time Mr. Minch returned from his child rearing exploits and fixed Ness with a less than amiable stare.

"I'd appreciate it if you left soon. I've loaned your father a considerable amount of money, it could have been one hundred thousand dollars or more! Well, I suppose it really could have been less, nevertheless because of that loan my family and I now live in poverty. We are tired of you living next door."

Ness knew of course that this was all a load of bull, but he gladly welcomed it as the escape he had been searching for so diligently. It came three and a half seconds too late for Buzz Buzz though. By this time his buzzing had attracted the Cow-like eyes of Mrs. Minch.

She screeched, "AIEEEEEEEEE!!! I think it's a dung beetle! I'll smash your guts out!" and she did just that.

Now, Ness hadn't known Buzz Buzz very long at all, fifteen minutes isn't really long enough to develop any lasting bonds, especially with an insect. Nevertheless Ness couldn't help but feel bad for the little guy, and more than a little remorseful. After all Buzz Buzz had saved his life from an alien cyborg and Ness couldn't even protect him from a raging old cow with chronic PMS. He sighed and went to the fallen arthropod's side.

"I was… Much… weaker than I… thought…" Buzz Buzz gasped. "So now you… must begin…. your adventure… alone… good… b…y…e…" Ness closed his eyes and breathed a silent prayer for poor bee's soul. "Oh," Buzz buzz said, with clarity that was simply astonishing considering these were his last breaths, "I just remembered; to defeat Giygas you must unite your power with the earths. There are seven sanctuaries you must visit, make these places your own." He gasped in pain. "Actually, one of them is near Onett, it's called Giant Step if memory serves… which is getting fuzzy by the way… I'm… fading… fast…" There was a long pause, and Ness finally whispered silent consolation to the deceased insect's family. "One more thing," Buzz Buzz continued "take this, it's called the sound stone. With it you can record the melodies of the eight sanctuaries… it's… an awesome item…" Ness was puzzled with Buzz Buzz's resilience. "I'm fading fast…" Buzz Buzz said again, "I am not long for this world… It's already dawn outside, but it doesn't… mean… anything…t…o…me…" and with that, Buzz Buzz breathed his last. Well, third to last. But when the insect finally left the world, Ness took the sound stone and gave Buzz Buzz as proper a burial as he could manage. That is to say he tripped on a lawn gnome while leaving the Minch's house dropping Buzz Buzz into a spider web, he tried to pick the psychic insect out of the web, but a rather fat black widow claimed Buzz Buzz as her own. Naturally this made Ness feel awful.

_I'm no hero…_ Ness thought as he walked out into the morning sunshine.


	3. Shark Attack!

CHAPTER II: Shark Attack!!

"I won't accept that."

"There's nothing more we can do."

"He can't do this alone!"

"He won't be alone for long…"

"It's our responsibility!"

"Not anymore. Like I said, there's nothing more we can do."

"He's just a _child_!"

"We were too when it all started."

"It's too much for him to handle!"

"Just trust him. And trust me, he'll be fine. Have faith in him."

"Faith… yeah right. What if you're wrong? He can't do this on our faith alone!"

"Annie, please. When have I ever been wrong about anything?"

"Oh God, where do I start?"

It wasn't that Ness was irresponsible, apathetic, or fearful. Quite the contrary, he was brave, reliable, and very compassionate; he simply couldn't come to terms with bearing the fate of the world on his back. Honestly, what do you say to something like that? It wasn't as if he had come to the realization gradually like most other young men on epic quests to thwart evil megalomaniacs do, he had simply been handed the responsibility and expected to act. It also didn't help things that his would be wise counsel had met an abrupt and rather grizzly end at the end of Lardna Minch's flyswatter. As it stood Ness very nearly dismissed all that had happened the previous night as an exceedingly vivid dream.

In any case, Ness found himself at the Onett Public Library at the suggestion of his teacher to research this giant step place that Buzz Buzz had mentioned. He hadn't acknowledged that the events of the previous night had ever occurred, much less accepted their implications, yet he did feel a certain obligation to the late insect to at least investigate. This proved more difficult than Ness would have liked, as the only thing that the librarian provided him with was an atlas of Eagleland that mentioned nothing of Giant step. He asked around but couldn't seem to find a non-bullshit answer from anyone; it was as if there was some unspoken taboo about talking about the place. Finally Ness became frustrated with the whole affair and decided to forget it and head to the arcade. School had just let out for the summer after all and he was not about to waste the rest of the day in a stuffy old library. He strolled sprightly down the street marveling at the bold blue of the summer sky and reveling in that carefree feeling that comes with the end of a long and tiresome school year, and the light airiness of his backpack now devoid of any books.

He paused apprehensively outside the arcade. Before him loitered two teens; they were older than him but only by a few years. Ness could tell by their oddly eccentric outfits that they were members in good standing of the infamous sharks' gang headed by local bad boy Frank Fly. Ness, never one to be intimidated, sauntered boldly past them, or at least he tried to.

"Hey, whaddya' think you're doin' squirt?" One of the sharks asked, leaning on his skateboard. Ness tried to ignore him.

"Didn't you hear my buddy here?" The one with the Pogo stick asked, "He's talkin' to you shrimp!"

Ness didn't want to provoke a fight unnecessarily, but it seemed as though this one was unavoidable. "Since when is the arcade the shark's hangout?" Ness asked coolly, trying to sound confident but not hostile.

"Since we decided it was you little shit." The Skate Punk spat, obviously thinking that profanity made him sound tough and that puffing his chest out made him more intimidating. Of course it was hard to look intimidating with a cardboard shark fin taped awkwardly to his skateboard helmet. Ness agreed with this sentiment and decided to make it known.

"You look dumb with that fin on your head." He said in his typical blunt fashion.

The sharks were stunned at the guts of Ness' statement. Obviously this kid didn't fully grasp just _who_ the sharks were and it was their lot to educate him.

"You're gonna pay for that one kid!" the pogo punk growled as he lunged forward swinging his pogo stick at Ness. Ness bent backwards evading the attack slamming his fist into the pogo punk's stomach on the rebound. His reflexes as well as his balance had improved substantially since he had realized the strange healing powers, yet the fact remained that he was outnumbered and unarmed. As the Pogo Punk recovered from Ness' counter attack, the skate punk shredded fiercely on his skateboard, slamming its wheels into Ness' shoulder. Ness stumbled backwards and before he could retaliate the commotion of the fight had drawn the attention of two or three other sharks. Before he knew what was happening, Ness was swamped, and all went dark…

X X X X X X X X

"Ness…!" a faraway voice called. Ness thought he saw a distant light.

"Am I dead?" he inquired.

"No," The oddly familiar voice chuckled, "But it seems like you got your head handed to you… How about giving it another shot?"

Ness slowly came to himself again. He opened his eyes to find that he had been shoved rather uncomfortably headfirst in a garbage can just outside the drug store. Those sharks were going down, and he would see to it personally. He would need a weapon, and perhaps some reinforcements.

"Time I got a new bat…" he grinned to himself.

X X X X X X X X

"Come on guys!" Ness pleaded. The members of his sandlot team looked away sheepishly. None of them were willing to go up against the sharks. After all, they were older, in high school, and had facial hair already! What chance would a bunch of middle schoolers armed with sporting goods have against a gang led by the infamous Frank?

"Ness, are you crazy? We'll get pulverized!" Jim, the unofficial captain of the sandlot team said. "They're the freakin' sharks!"

"PFFT!" Ness scowled, "I don't care if they're the freakin' man eating werewolf demons from hell, I'm gonna kick their asses!"

"Yeah, like they kicked yours?" Becky, the resident tomboy asked.

"Damn skippy! And if nobody wants to help me I'll do it myself!" Ness returned, his confidence unshaken by her sarcastic jab. They all groaned inwardly. They knew this tone of voice; he was determined and once he latched onto a goal Ness tended to abandon his easy going nature in favor of an unshakable single minded grit.

"Well," Smart Alec Sam said, "nobody wants to help you, so I guess you'd better get going."

Ness looked around the club house. "Fine," he said, his scowl deepening, "I _will_ do it alone."

"Wait a sec Ness." Timmy, the youngest spoke up. Even Ness was surprised that the smallest and usually most timid of the group would come forward. "My mom doesn't like for me to fight" he continued, "but I still want to help. Here I know you've wanted one for a while, so you can have mine." He offered Ness the Mr. Baseball cap he had gotten for his birthday.

"Timmy…" Ness said, "I can't take this, it's…"

"Go ahead" Timmy cut him off cheerfully, "It'll keep you from getting a concussion or something."

Ness slowly removed his own prized cap and placed it on Timmy's head, it sank awkwardly over his eyebrows.

"Keep this safe for me," Ness said, "Until I'm done with the sharks." He smiled brightly before dawning Timmy's gift and walking out the door, nodding to Pete the Pigsty on his way out. He hadn't gone more than ten feet before Becky came up behind him, "Ness!" she called to him.

"Yeah?" Ness replied.

"You're actually going through with this?" she asked, "stupid question…" She added upon seeing his expression. He shrugged.

"Why with the sudden crusade, Ness? The sharks never bothered you this much before…" She asked.

"'Cause they pissed me off!" Ness exclaimed, holding up his fist dramatically.

"You are such an idiot." Becky told him.

"Psh." He scowled again. "They crossed the line when they took the arcade. I had planned to spend most of my summer there ya' know." He said. Then he smiled brightly, "What? Don't tell me you're worried!"

"I'm no such thing!" She yelled, blushing slightly. "I just find it hard to believe you're such a dope!"

"Good," he said, "'cause I'll definitely kick them to the curb, no worries." With that he walked south, towards the arcade. His confidence brought a small smile to Becky's face. Ness was a stubborn, tenacious idiot at times and yet that was part of the reason she liked him, he was without a doubt the ballsiest kid she knew… GAH! What was she thinking? Of course she liked him, but not in the way that that sounded!

"Idiot!" Becky grumbled to herself before casting one last look at Ness' retreating back. As she did she got a peculiar feeling, as though he were going away and she would not see him again for a long time…

First Ness stopped at the local MacDuff's to grab a titan burger. With his stomach sufficiently filled he walked to the drug store next door (The sight of the trash can in which he had been deposited earlier strengthened his resolve ten fold) and bought a sturdy T-Ball bat, and the biggest, thickest, and cheapest tin bracelet he could find. He stuffed his new bat into a pouch on the side of his backpack and set off towards the arcade. Before he reached it however he came across a shark on skateboard coming up the street towards him. He wondered briefly if this was the same shark he had engaged earlier, but decided that it didn't matter. The shark, upon noticing this strange kid staring at him with what could only be described as an evil little smile on his face, stopped his skateboard and spat into the street.

Ness' little smile burst into a full fledged grin ripe with mischief as he unsheathed his bat and pointed it epically at the skate punk and declared, "I'm gonna hit a homerun on your skull!" with that he lunged at the surprised shark and proceeded to bash him to comatose. Having no skill for strategy, Ness opted to charge down the street at full speed into the arcade. He found his way blocked by the original two gang members that he had run into earlier that day.

"Back for more?" the pogo punk jeered.

"That's right!" Ness said, "Bring it on!"

The Skate punk shredded directly into Ness, but this time he was ready. Crouching low, Ness leapt out of the way at the last second, swinging his bat as he did so. He caught the skate punk just under the chin and knocked him clear off of his skateboard and onto his back. Seeing his comrade thusly flattened, the other punk charged and swung his Pogo stick at Ness, who braced himself against the curb and blocked the blow with his arm, the tin bracelet sparked as Pogo stick glanced off of it. Ness swung his bat wildly, and the Shark barely managed to evade the attack only to have the bat crash down directly on his head, flattening his shark fin and rendering him unconscious.

Ness looked down on his conquered foes. He'd managed to floor in about a minute the two that had previously beaten him to a pulp. The proper weapons and equipment really made the difference. His thoughts were interrupted when he felt an odd snap in his mind that made his whole brain tingle. _Just like last night…_ he thought as he entered the arcade, a new power at his disposal. Inside he found the game room sparsely populated with sharks. They were not so large a gang as to fill the entire building which Ness found irksome. If they were going to commandeer the arcade for their own personal use, they could at least have the decency to use it efficiently.

He gripped his bat harder before raising it and shouting defiantly, "Hey, Sharks! Yeah, I'm talkin' to you ya fishy bastards!" (Ness had something of a potty mouth when angry) "Where's your leader? Where's Frank?!"

A low murmur was heard among the sharks, as they came to the general consensus of 'who the hell is this kid and how'd he get in here?' and decided to beat some respect for their admirable leader into Ness. There were five, all dressed in similar and vaguely clown like outfits. Four of which advanced on Ness, but the one with the hula hoop hung back to guard the door to the back yard, presumably where Frank was. Ness assessed the situation. Despite his lack of strategic prowess he came up with a plan, not born of logic, but instinct and his natural affinity for combat. The first shark hopped over a pinball machine grumbling obscenities about Ness' mother; Ness didn't appreciate this in the least and showed him by swiping the rude shark's legs from under him with his bat before they could get a firm hold on the ground. The shark, in response, sprawled headlong into a particularly gory fighting game and knocked himself quite out of commission. _One down _Ness thought. He was fairly confident that he could handle two sharks at once, though three could prove a bit tough. He held his left index and middle finger up to his forehead, "PSI hypnosis alpha…" he whispered. The air immediately in front of the third shark's nose became distorted and distracting. He suddenly felt very relaxed and without giving it much thought he dropped off to sleep. Before he knew it someone was tapping him lightly on the shoulder. He opened his eyes to see his two fellow gang members sprawled on the floor. In front of him he saw Ness who smiled brightly at him before cocking his fist back and punched his lights out.

The Shark with the Hula hoop, and Frank's right hand man (his 'friends' called him Yes Man Jr. behind his back) watched as this random kid in the red cap dispatched his friends single handedly. The kid was good. _Though _he thought, _not good enough to take me out, let alone Frank._

"You're good, Kid. You wanna' become a member?" He asked.

"Tch, eat my shorts. I've got more class than to join a bunch of thugs like you guys." Ness snapped.

"Don't be such a snob!" the shark growled indignantly and lunged at Ness, swinging his hula hoop in a wide arc. Despite being made of plastic, the thing hurt like the dickens as it caught Ness across the shoulder. He staggered briefly before retaliating with a bat to the yes man's ribs. The shark doubled over and Ness bashed him over the head for good measure before bursting through the doors to confront Frank; He was on a roll.

His confidence was ever so slightly shaken when he saw just how Frank seemed to tower over him; the blonde hoodlum filled his bright red pinstriped suit near to bursting. Ness Gulped lightly when he realized that Frank was as close to a hardened criminal as anyone got in this town, one with a good bit of fighting experience. He gritted his teeth and reminded himself that he had the advantage of psychic powers; however limited they may have been compared to Buzz Buzz or Starman Jr.'s.

He was so busy gritting his teeth and thinking that it didn't register that Frank had been talking to him.

"…I asked you what your name is. Geeze, kid, don't be so stuck up!" Frank was clearly offended at this young upstart's lack of manners, and Frank fly easily went from offended to mad and when he got mad the switchblades came out. Ness readied himself. This guy was serious! Frank came out swinging; his switchblades flashed wildly as he tore into Ness' defenses. His baseball bad received a minor scratch or two, but Ness himself was pushed back with no opportunity to counter. Frank, never the honorable type in a duel, pressed his advantage by tripping Ness and followed that up with an elbow drop. Luckily for Ness, Frank landed with the handle of the bat awkwardly poking into his ribs, which gave the young hero time to roll away from his opponent and get his bearings. Well, almost. Frank recovered quickly and just as Ness regained his feet he was upon the youth and his right hook found its way to Ness' face, and the Tip of Frank's switchblade gouged a cut across Ness' cheek. Ness staggered backwards as the relentless petty crime boss kicked him in the ribs and finished the combo off with a fist to his stomach.

Things were looking far from grim for Ness however. When he felt the blood flow down his face and arm, and the stinging ache in his sides, he quickly caught his second wind and sprang forward laying into the sharks' leader with everything he had. And everything he had happened to be a lot, more even than the seasoned criminal had in fact. The young warrior first swiped low with his bat; when Frank hopped over the assault Ness spun around and connected with the side of Frank's head in a graceful sweeping motion. Frank faltered at the blow but Ness hadn't finished just yet. He leapt forward and kicked Frank in the chest with both feet; when Ness regained his footing and launched a furious flurry at the head shark, and finished up by bashing Frank's left knee directly out from under him.

Ness stood over his fallen opponent; he was panting but ready for more and more is exactly what he got.

"Fail-proof Frank can't lose!" The fin headed ring leader panted, "This is Frankenstein Mark II!" he said with a sinister chuckle. A manned robot composed of wooden scraps and piloted by a one of Frank's leering subordinates lurched out of the corner of the yard. _Oh great…_ Ness thought. He was somewhat at a loss as to what to do, so he did what came naturally: He charged.

"That didn't go as planned…" he muttered as the robots large fist sent him tumbling to the ground. He stood, a trail of blood seeped from the corner of his mouth. The robot emitted a burst of steam that temporarily disoriented Ness so that he didn't see the backhand until it sent him flying into the fence surrounding the yard. He charged again, this time he dodged the robot's counter measures and got in a satisfying hit though admittedly less satisfying than he would have liked. The Mark II responded by taking a firm hold of his ankle and hurling him across the yard before rolling relentlessly towards him. Ness' fatigue grew with each new injury, though so did his determination. He took a brief moment to gather his willpower and muttered, "PSI Lifeup alpha…" Frank and the shark piloting the Mark II were both very surprised to see Ness glow green, his injuries fading, and were even more surprised when he gathered all the guts he possessed and hurled himself at the wooden robot. SMAAAAAAAAAASH!!! He tore a gaping hole in the front of the Mark II and sent its surprised pilot tumbling out the back side.

Frank stood as Ness approached him and was speechless for a long time. Finally he looked down at Ness and said, "Fail-proof Frank is now just plain Failure Frank." He sighed before adding, "I know you've been asking around, so I'll just go ahead and tell you. The place called 'Giant Step' is to the north of Onett. The entrance is behind the touring entertainer's shack."

Ness was surprised. He hadn't expected to find the answers to his questions here; he was about to turn and bolt, shouting a quick thank you when Frank added, "erm… of course you can't go in there right now."

Ness stumbled, "Why not?" he asked.

"Because I… kinda' trashed the place." Frank said hesitantly. "Sorry, but the city closed it off, besides, they say a huge monster has appeared there! I don't know why you'd want to go in there…" He trailed off before adding, "of course with the way you fought today, maybe you'd be alright. If you do go, Pirkle the mayor has the key." He thought for a moment. "Ness, you've become stronger than I…"

Ness blinked at him a few times before putting his hand behind his head. "Yeah, I guess I have." He said. "Anyway, monster or no I'm kind of obligated to go there so I guess I'll see you later." He turned and then said, "Oh, and by the way, if you don't open up the arcade to everyone, I'll come back and stomp your ass harder next time. That's a promise."

There was a pause before Frank said with a smile, "Yeah, whatever kid, don't get cocky."

X X X X X X X X

"That girl in Twoson was in the paper again." The man said, his dreadlocks wagging. "Her name is Paula; rumor has it that she's special."

"What's so special about her?" Ness asked absently, he was too busy being lost in thought to pay full attention. He was feeling very confident and with good reason; single handedly thwarting an entire street gang tends to bolster one's self image significantly.

"I forgot to ask… but she's nothing compared to the hero of Onett! And that's you my man!!" The man replied.

"Oh, well thanks." Ness said wondering vaguely why so many of Onett's citizens took the town's rivalry with the neighboring Twoson so seriously. Word had spread at an unbelievably rapid pace about his victory over Frank and his sharks and he found himself an instant small town celebrity. The mayor had even given him the key to the touring entertainer's shack and access to Giant Step, though Ness was having a hard time getting there with all the random people stopping him to congratulate him.

"Well, thanks Mr." Ness said politely, "I'd better be going now."

"Yeah, good luck Mr. Hero!" the man called out.

On his way to the Step, Ness stopped by the clubhouse once more. His sandlot team greeted him with congratulations and affirmations of his bravery; he could have rubbed it in their faces that he had done it when they had all doubted him, but Ness was decent enough that the thought never occurred to him.

"Keep the hat, at least for a little while." Timmy said when Ness tried to return it. "It suits someone really brave like you!"

"I had a dream you were traveling with a cute girl." Louis said, a little out of the blue, "If it comes true, say hi to her for me; I'm single after all…"

"Will do." Ness said, "I gotta go though, I have some business at Giant Step."

The Clubhouse was stunned into silence at Ness' announcement. It was generally accepted among the citizens of Onett that that place was evil and no one in their right minds would go there; of course no one in their right minds would try to take on a whole street gang alone either. So, this time they all gave Ness their vote of confidence, all except the resident tomboy who was strangely absent…

X X X X X X X X

Darkness by strictness definition is not characterized as a legitimate something since it is merely the absence of light; however it became apparent to Ness upon entering the cave that this darkness had never cracked a dictionary in its long life. It was almost a sentient entity that greedily devoured his flashlights beam. _Now I see why nobody comes here_ Ness thought, _I can't see two feet in front of me!_ As if in response to his complaints, he heard a deep resonating and a pale blue glow leaked out of his backpack. Upon further examination, Ness found that the stone he had received from Buzz Buzz could cut the darkness like a katana through warm butter, or something like that. With the problem of illumination solved he proceeded further. He had only taken a few more steps into the cave, however, before he met up with the cave's welcoming committee. The little mouse was more than hostile; it was down right rowdy and took to actively gnawing on Ness' ankles. Ness beat the vermin off of his leg and it scurried away into the darkness. He came across other mice in the cave, and also had to stomp and squish his way through a horde of attack slugs, none of which were anything more than a minor annoyance. The going was fairly easy until Ness reached the top of a rock ledge, where he found three black antoids. Using what Ness could only guess was Telekinesis, they hurled themselves at him like tiny bullets; the adolescent hero was able to dodge the first two, but the third slammed itself into his right arm, sinking its jaws into his flesh and nearly knocking him off the ledge. Recovering himself, Ness crushed the antoid on his arm between his index and middle finger, before smashing the second beneath his bat. Using its miniscule size to its advantage, the third antoid hid, biding its time. As Ness prepared to move on it began its assault anew and tore into the boy's back. Ness grunted and fell forward as the antoid zipped around him, goring into him with its pincers. In a sudden burst of luck, Ness crushed his assailant under his knee as he fell.

"Lifeup…" Ness whispered and his wounds faded. He suddenly felt the weight of a great mental fatigue and realized that he had used up whatever energy allowed him to perform these psychic feats. _I could use a good night's sleep…_ he thought to himself. Just before him was an opening, through which the light of day invaded the pervasive darkness of the cave. Ness stepped out winced at the brightness of the sun. He sat down on the side of the hill and looked out over Onett bathing in the sun. From here, the view was almost as good as from the top of Lookout Hill, where the meteorite had crashed. The afternoon sun joined forces with his fatigue and threatened to put him to sleep. Just as his eyelids were getting too heavy to lift, something glittered in his peripheral vision. It was a butterfly, and its wings shone like a prism; shimmering with a mystical, sparkling light. It fluttered over to the raven haired boy, and gently lighted on his nose. Ness felt a warm, soothing wave of relaxation wash over him. The magic butterfly vanished shortly thereafter leaving him refreshed. His fatigue was gone for the most part, as if he had had a relaxing sleep. Not a full night's worth, but definitely a good long nap. He stood and stretched before plunging back into the darkness of giant step.

X X X X X X X X

Monster. The word had always conjured images of some nebulous menace. It meant some spook or boogie man that hid on the edges of consciousness; something to be feared but that never posed any real threat. Ness found that he wasn't quite ready to accept the implications that 'monster' held now that a he stood before a living incarnation of the word. It was a pale shade of gray with white soulless eyes and razor sharp teeth each easily the size of Ness' own forearm. It looked vaguely like an ant that stood erect on its hind legs and grinned menacing daggers at the young hero. Ness thought that he had reached his limit of being surprised when he had reached the top of the perilously high cliff and found this titanic ant waiting for him; instead he found that there was ample room for shock as the monster greeted him, in English.

"This is the first 'Your Sanctuary' location. But it's mine now." It boomed. Ness said nothing, unnerved by its perfect grammar and flawless diction. "Take it from me, if you dare!"

Finally it dawned on Ness why his parents had spoken the way they had the night before. He was on a fully fledged quest, complete with giant monsters. How they could have possibly known was beyond him, but it was unimportant. At the present moment there was an obstacle in need of surmounting. To accomplish this, he formulated a simple yet profound strategy: Beat the thing to death. So, with little or no hesitation he reached inside himself, took hold of that unshakable grit and dashed forward, whispering a prayer for his own soul. Slinging his bat across his shoulder he leapt forward and bashed the Titanic Ant over the head with a sound clunk. His feet hit the ground again just long enough for him to spring forward and deal a second blow. Ness allowed himself a small mid-air chuckle; the ant was reeling. His satisfaction was short lived when the right side of his body suddenly went numb and the cavern started tumbling wildly around him. His ribs and hip exploded with pain where they had been soundly punched by both of the mammoth insects left fists.

Ness felt himself roll on the cold damp dirt of the cave floor. He struggled to his feet as Titanic Ant was suddenly upon him. He felt the hard sharp exoskeleton of its hands close tightly around his head as he was hoisted bodily and tossed into a nearby stalagmite. He pushed himself off of the slippery rock with his feet just as the monster whizzed by him and felled the rock formation in one blow. Ness held his bat defensively, as massive jaws came to bear on him. He was severely fatigued by the desperate struggle, and the hulking beast didn't let up for a second, let alone the roughly thirteen and a half required for Lifeup. After being slammed harshly into the ground for what seemed like the millionth time, Ness' whole body rebelled; his legs refused to lift him and his eyes drifted shut of their own volition. He had scored a few more decent hits on his monstrous opponent, but it was easily five times his size and moved blindingly fast to say nothing of the extra pair of arms it had at its disposal. He was outgunned and simply lacked the energy to fight back. Ness frantically searched inside himself for the strength to continue, but he was physically exhausted. GET UP!!! He begged himself. He could hear heavy and purposeful footsteps coming towards him, the sound of a gruesome death. Yet there was another sound beneath the approaching doom. It was a familiar, calm voice that seemed to have a blue hue to it…

_Ness, are you giving up already?_ It enquired.

_No…_ came Ness' mental reply, I _won't give up. I can't give up! But my body won't move… I don't have any strength left._

_You have all the strength you need_. The voice said gently. _It's there inside you._ The voice began to fade.

…_How?_ Ness questioned the darkness behind his eyelids.

_Ness… what's your favorite thing?_

_My favorite thing?_ The question struck Ness as a bit odd. He had never considered it before, but looking deep within him the answer came.

X X X X X X X X

"TURN THAT RACKET DOWN!!!" Ness' mother screamed over the blaring stereo.

"Do you mind woman?" his father yelled back, "me and the kid are havvin' a jam session here!" He strummed an invisible guitar, prancing like a rock star and generally made a fool of himself around their small living room; a five year old Ness perched happily on his shoulders. His mother rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile. Her husband looked like an idiot but to their young son he was the greatest person on the face of the planet. The two of them rocked out for an additional hour before she got any peace. It was always like this when he came home; he would spend hours of playing rock star, their favorite game, with their son until the boy was too tired to climb the stairs to bed. Ness loved time spent with his father…

X X X X X X X X

The old memory surged forth from the recesses of Ness' mind, bringing with it an awareness of an immense psychic force. Ness felt the energy surge through his mind and spill over into his wounded body. He stood and his limbs moved through sheer force of will, his eyes were fixed on his enemy.

"It seems you have a good deal of inner strength. But that alone will not save you, child." The Titanic Ant gloated. He was right; Ness couldn't win on inner strength alone unless he managed to transform that strength into sheer destructive energy, which unfortunately for the giant bug, is exactly what he did. What looked like a luminous blue and red fluid surged around Ness body. _My favorite thing,_ Ness thought with confidence.

His voice rang out clearly above the whir of unadulterated PSI that flowed through and around him, "PSI… ROCKIN'!!!"

The cave was filled with blue and red light and Titanic Ant stood in awe of Ness' power as it was reduced to a shadow of dust on the wall of Giant Step's cave.


	4. Twoson!

CHAPTER III: Twoson!!!

There were few things in the world Pokey Minch hated than being grounded. One of them was being grounded during the summer. Another was being grounded for the _entire_ summer. Yet more unbearable than even these was hearing that Ness had become a local hero and trounced the sharks single handedly. The reason this all bothered Pokey so much wasn't that he was jealous of Ness, just like the way Pokey's weight wasn't a result of his nigh religious consumption of junk food, and just like the reason things fall isn't gravity. Ness was holding out on him was all, and he purposed that if Ness was going to have an adventure, then so was Pokey! (He often referred to himself in the third person) so, despite warnings from Pickey, when his parents went out for the evening he snuck out of the house and up the hill towards the meteor. He never made it, however; a sign caught his eye. _This could be a real adventure!_ He thought. The sign read, "Treasure Hunter! This is Liar X. Aggerate's house!"

X X X X X X X X

Ness was a bit disappointed. At first glance, Giant Step was nothing special. Its name told all there really was to know about the place; it was nothing more than a giant footprint on the side of the hill, something he'd very nearly given his life to see. He was rather distressed with the condition he was in. His body was covered in large and very painful bruises, he had a broken rib or three, and his face was stained in blood. To make matters worse, he had used all of his PSI to blast Titanic Ant to ashes; he had nothing left to heal himself with. All of that trouble for a lousy footprint? He almost made the tragic mistake of turning around and leaving; in fact he most certainly would have had the sound stone held its peace. The luminous orb resonated maddeningly and seemed to egg Ness towards the giant print. A faint melody played and he felt an odd and almost uncomfortably warm feeling in his head, as though his sinuses were filled with hot water. This gave way to a cool almost minty feeling as the air around him alternated between unbearably bright and unnaturally dark, and in his mind's eye, Ness thought he saw a small, cute puppy. When the melody finished he noted that the sound stone was a bit heavier. It had recorded the melody of giant step.

X X X X X X X X

Ness stepped into the evening light. He had always loved Onett's fiery costal sunsets and this was no exception. He stretched his arms lavishly, reveling in his lack of owies. The healing properties of Giant step were truly amazing. Every aspect of his person had been fixed, from his broken bones to his bruises; it had even fixed the tears and blood stains in his clothing. In fact, the color of his faded shirt even looked brighter, though he was imagining that part. His basking was cut short by a curt, guttural voice.

"What do you think you're doing you little delinquent?!" an officer of the law addressed him gruffly.

"Huh?" Ness replied.

"Can't you read the sign, you little hooligan?!" the man fumed.

"Uh… sign?" was all Ness could manage.

"That…!" The harried officer trailed off as he looked at the blank fence. He quickly tacked a 'Do Not Enter' sign and pointed accusingly, "That sign!"

"…but…" Ness said confused, "You just put that there!"

"Oh, a wise guy, eh? Listen you little hoodlum, you just get your butt down to the Onett police station later! Tomorrow! DAMMIT!!!" The officer yelled as he stormed to his squad car and tore off into the fading light. Ness blinked awkwardly. There was no way he was going to the police station in the morning just to satisfy some overworked cop with hemorrhoids and a Barney Fife complex. What was that guy's problem anyway? _Well,_ Ness supposed, _I guess the hemorrhoids would do it..._

X X X X X X X X

Ness rubbed his damp hair vigorously with his towel. He had had quite a day, and the nice relaxing shower was most welcome. He wasn't particularly tired, Giant step had eased his fatigue in addition to healing his body, but a heavy steak dinner always made him a bit groggy. He paused next to the small shelf in the hall and the family photos perched on its surface. They were typical photos for a family like theirs; pictures of Ness in his baseball uniform, Tracey dressed up for a school play, and the two of them in a formal family portrait. There were pictures from their parent's wedding and one picture of the two of them when they were Ness' age, perhaps a year or two younger. It wasn't a very good picture, fuzzy and somewhat out of focus; it was clearly kept for its sentimental value. The picture was set against a mountain; his parents were standing together smiling widely. It hadn't occurred to Ness exactly how much of a resemblance he bore his father; they even had a similar affinity for blue and yellow stripes.

He walked into his room and climbed in bed, his mind was burdened somewhat as to his next move. He had obtained the first melody that Buzz Buzz had mentioned, but what now? He had no clue where the next seven might be. If only Pokey's stupid cow of a mother hadn't smashed his only clue. As Ness drifted off to sleep, he wondered playfully if all the ill will he felt towards the Minch parents would manifest itself as a laser and kill them…

X X X X X X X X

It was a city. It was a big city. It was a big, flaming city. Ness watched as the ravenous fire licked at the sky and slithered its way up the sides of the buildings. He listened at the horrified screams of the dying and those that mourned them. He could smell the burning flesh and the pungent stench of death. He felt the heat of the fire and the unmixed anguish of those around them. But more than that he felt dread; sheer unbridled terror at the shadow that loomed over it all, a shiftless mass of hatred and spite. It seemed to be searching for something, and was destroying mercilessly to find it. "It's me!" Ness screamed at it, "It's me you want! Leave these people alone!" The shadow didn't seem to see him; instead it and all around Ness began to fade into darkness. He was suspended in blackness, with nothing around him except a soft, pink voice.

"Ness…" it said.

He tried to answer, but nothing escaped his throat.

"Ness…" it called again.

"…?" was all Ness could manage. He was concentrating all he had on responding to the voice, but all he could get across the void was a vague feeling.

"I am a friend you've never met… can you hear me calling you?" the voice responded to the question he almost asked, "Can you hear me calling you?"

"…who…" Ness strained. Telepathy was not his strong point.

"I am Paula… Ness!" the voice faded into the morning light.

X X X X X X X X

Ness was fairly sure that erecting roadblocks with the frequency and zeal with which the Onett police force erected them had to be a sacrilege of some kind; though his expression of this sentiment was simpler, and far more direct.

"GOD DAMMIT!" he stood at the head of the road to Twoson (it was just a simple gravel path through the woods really) and the boys in blue had inexplicably thought it prudent to stop anyone from coming or going.

"You'll have to take it up with the chief." One of the officers said flatly.

"Fine." Ness seethed through clenched teeth. He didn't bother telling them that the fate of planet earth depended on him getting through their stupid roadblock, or about the mysterious voice in his dreams that beckoned him to Twoson; people usually get locked up over such things. Instead he made his way to the Police station and burst through the door a second and a half too late to remember what had happened outside of Giant Step the previous day. Officer Sore-ass was standing there looking pissed. Luckily his back was turned towards Ness who tried to sneak out quietly.

"HEY!! You're the little delinquent from Giant Step!" The angry officer said accusingly.

"Erm… um… well…" Ness muttered.

"Now you listen here!" The officer began. "Blah Blah Blah Blah, Blah Blah Blah Blah!" Ness knew the man was saying something, and was sincerely trying to pay attention. He would have been more successful in the attempt if he didn't have the urge to bite off his own tongue to escape this mind numbing speech. "Blah Blah, Blah Blah, Blah Blah Blah Blah!" He lectured. "We don't have time to be worrying about every little emergency like dogs and meteorites! It's usually those tax evaders who… Bla Bla, Bla Blah! At times like these, kids like you should be at home playing video games!" he finished. Ness just stood there fairly certain that a good fifteen percent of his brain mass was no longer functional.

"Ahem." Someone cleared their throat to the rear. Ness turned to see the most zealous law enforcement icon in Onett, Captain Strong standing behind him. "I understand you want to go to Twoson?" he asked.

"yes…" Ness offered hesitantly.

Strong chortled, now I have no idea what a 'chortle' is, but rest assured that he did it. He then turned and walked a few paces before saying, "Follow me."

He lead Ness to the back room of the Police station, where waited his five most skillful subordinates.

"Get past my best men, and I'll open the road to Twoson." Strong said.

Ness knew what police brutality was, but he didn't quite know how to classify this. The first officer approached him, "YEEAH! A police officer is stronger than any super hero!" he exclaimed, as he brought his hand down in a crushing chop. His chop impacted rather forcefully on nothing as Ness dodged it and swept the officer's feet from under him. As the lawman scrambled to his feet Ness whipped out his bat and belted his opponent across the face. The second approached rapidly with a flying karate kick. Ness ducked and the Policeman crashed rather comically into the door. The third policeman came in low and tackled Ness who managed to slip out of the resulting hold and wailed away at the rear side of the cop's knees. The fourth officer never got a hit in, as Ness floored him with a loud SMAAAASH! The final officer opted to hide behind the Captain himself.

"Hmm." Was all Strong said; he faced Ness down, his arms folded calmly behind his back. They stood silently for a moment, sizing each other up.

"There's no way I could beat you in a straight competition," Strong admitted, "so get ready for my super ultra mambo tango foxtrot martial arts!" he exclaimed. Strong took a deep breath and then lost his temper. Ness could feel the man's offense increasing. Almost before Ness could react Strong was upon him and let fly a flurry strong punches, most of which found their marks on Ness. Strong finished with a particularly brutal blow to the chest that heaved Ness to the other side of the room. The youth rose to his feet slowly as Strong charged again. This time Ness was ready and slugged Strong in the face; Strong quickly countered by snaking his arm around Ness' Neck and moved him into an exceedingly painful position and ended with an elbow drop to the back of Ness' head: Strong's patented Submission Hold Grapple. He even said the name as he performed the move.

Ness had had about enough. He rolled away from Strong, mumbling "Lifeup" as he went. Using Rockin' on a mere mortal was out of the question, especially in the enclosed space of the police station. But while Strong was plenty tougher than the Sharks, or even Frank, he paled in comparison to Titanic Ant's brutal strength. Ness charged, this time he avoided Strong's low sweeping kick; he leapt into the air and suspended himself momentarily with PSI while he bashed Strong a good one over the head. When he landed Ness hurled himself at the Cop and sent him tumbling against the far wall with one mighty blow. After being dazed for a moment or two, strong chuckled and stood. He pulled out his radio and fussed with the frequency dials.

"Hey, Strong here; I want you to open the road to Twoson for a kid named Ness. Ness! He's wearing a red cap... yeah, I know that. I KNOW THAT!! Yeah. Alright. Strong out." With that He turned to Ness. "Well, you're free to go to Twoson, but I do want to see you again."

"Right…" Ness said. He didn't pretend to understand why that had just happened, but he was glad it was behind him. As he passed the smirking officers standing in the now open path to Twoson, he came to the realization that whoever the pink voice in his dreams must have been the girl Buzz Buzz had mentioned. _I wonder if she's cute…_ Ness thought.

About a mile and a half south of Onett Ness grew hungry. His already sizable appetite had grown considerably with the advent of his psychic powers, especially since the realization of Rockin'. Three miles south of Onett, just before he reached a rather densely forested area, he came upon a patch of mushrooms.

"Lunch!" he exclaimed, he wasn't picky by any means.

"Lunch?" the mushroom responded, "Are you planning to eat me? That's very reckless of you, eating a random mushroom out in the wilderness like this, I could be poisonous, I probably am, I'm evil after all, you'd know that if you had some kind of wilderness book for survival and stuff, you know, the kind that boy scouts carry? Lots of boy scouts come through here you know, and I attack all of them because, as I said, I'm evil, and so are most of my relatives, especially my uncle Marvin he's terrible! Like this one time…"

Ness blinked incredulously. Gang members and crooked cops made sense. Giant ants and psychic slugs were a bit farfetched, but at least within the realm of feasibility. Self proclaimed evil fungus that rambled on about nothing in particular was not only ridiculous, but unbearably annoying. So, making his best 'excuse me, I have to go' Ness turned to leave. The mushroom was severely offended this, and hurled itself at Ness cap first. Ness stumbled backwards at the blow from the fairly large mushroom. It didn't hurt much, but had quite a bit of stopping power. Ness gave it a quick kick to the stalk, and it tumbled away from him before regaining its, well I suppose you could call them feet. It charged him again, this time it leapt over his swinging bat and planted its nubby roots on his shoulders and released a cloud of yellow dust into Ness' face. He sneezed and felt a sharp pain on the top of his head before dealing the rambling mushroom a solid blow with his bat, shredding the fungus to chunks. Upon feeling the top of his head, he found that a small mushroom had grown out of it, right through his cap

Ness felt funky. When he tried to walk forward, a fit of vertigo tilted his world view so that he staggered backwards and tripped over another mushroom. He found himself in the middle of a pack of the long winded fungi, all of which were irate at him for tripping over them so rudely and consequently felt obliged to attack him. Ness was in no condition to fight them, so he thought to make a quick end of the battle.

"PSI ROCKIN'!" he bellowed. The energy swirled around him, yet a sudden fit of vertigo caused him to lose his concentration and the blast exploded quite literally in his face.

X X X X X X X X

A young blonde woman stood at the edge of Twoson, waiting. She had come here every day for the past month to wait and watch. Today, however, was the day that fate decided to reward her patience. She looked up to see someone coming down the road from Onett; he wore a blue and yellow striped shirt and blue jeans. The blond smiled. Finally, the moment of truth had arrived.

"Hello," She greeted him cheerily, "Welcome to Twoson! We have a Theatre, a Department Store, or if you're feeling brave you could try to visit Burglin Park! Um…" She said, hesitantly eyeing the mushrooms growing out of the boy's head, "are you feeling alright kid?"

By the time Ness collapsed at the feet of the woman from the Twoson Tourism bureau, he had six or seven mushrooms growing out of his head. She rattled off a list of the town's attractions, oblivious to the strange growths on his head.

"Excuse me little squirrel," Ness addressed the woman through his delirium, "could you tell me where I can find a hospital?" She took a moment to figure out what he had said and also wonder about the mushrooms sprouting out of the kid's skull, before pointing him east.

"I'm sorry, we don't treat that here." The nurse said calmly. There had been a rash of mushroomizations in the area recently and the victims were all beyond the reach of conventional modern medicine. Ness tried to stumble out the door, but instead wound up in the lobby, garnering awkward stares from the waiting patients.

"Pardon me," a deep raspy voice spoke up. "I may not look like it, but I'm a healer. If you have some ailment that cannot be treated at the hospital, it's my job to cure you. Hmm, actually, before I take a look at you, would you care to sell me the mushrooms growing out of your head?"

Ness wasn't exactly sure how it had happened, but a short time later he found himself standing outside the hospital with a wallet full of cash, taking in the town of Twoson for the first time. It was past two and the town was bathing in the afternoon sun. It had a sleepy feel to it. Some of the buildings were old, relics of Egleland's antiquity; the days of westward expansion and manifest destiny, however the rest had a somewhat modern flare. Twoson was a fair bit larger than Onett, and had a more urban look to it than its costal sister city, but the overall feel was that of a sleepy town from an old spaghetti western.

Ness was walking along the street when a small bicycle stand caught his eye. He stepped inside to look around. The shop was small, crammed full of bikes of all makes and sizes, and Ness smiled at the prospect of getting some wheels. At the front of the store the owner, an obvious fan of punk rock, was trying his best to deal with an unruly customer. Ness guessed the customer to be a hippie judging from his florally themed clothing and peace themed bling, but was being uncharacteristically mellow, screaming about the bike selection.

"I told you I want a blue bike!" the man screamed.

Ness squinted then blinked incredulously. The Hippie skin was blue and had a smooth plastic like look to it, almost as if he had had himself laminated. What's more Ness sensed something, a certain hostility emanating from blue flower child, a hostility that was beginning to feel all too familiar.

"Giygas…" Ness whispered.

The hippie turned towards him slowly, his face twisted in a grotesque grin. Ness slowly reached for his bat, brow furrowed, eyes narrowed.

"Sir, if I could ask you to leave…" the shopkeeper said.

The hippie abruptly turned towards the shop keeper, pulling out a huge novelty tooth brush and leapt epically over the counter. "BRUSH YOUR TEETH!" he screamed.

Almost instinctively, Ness sprang forward; he drop kicked the hippie in mid-air, and sent him careening into a row of swinline ten speeds.

"Wow!" the shopkeeper exclaimed after a moment of stunned silence, "are you some kind of martial artist?!"

"uh… no. I just play a lot of baseball." Ness said with a grin. "Can I rent a bike?"

"Sure thing kid!" the shopkeeper answered, "Keep it as long as you need, no charge!"

Ness exited the store on his new shiny silver bike, and almost rode directly into Mr. T. At least, that's who Ness thought it was.

"HEY!" Ness exclaimed, "You're that guy from the A team!"

"What?!" The man responded indignantly.

"ahh… You know," Ness continued, a trace of uncertainty in his voice, "Mr. T… 'I pity da foo'… ya' know…" he said hesitantly.

"Oh, I see, because I'm black and sport a Mohawk you automatically think I'm Mr. T. We all look the same, is that it?!"

Ness was downright frightened now, "No, that's not it at all, I… er… that is…"

The man stared at him sternly for ten grueling seconds before he burst into laughter. "WAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm just messin' with ya kid." He walked off in side splitting laughter, "Gets 'em every time…"

Ness was confused, and more than a little perplexed, but decided to continue walking down the street.

Walking down the street from the hotel, Ness stopped and did a double take. There, before him in the grass next to the Chaos Theatre stood two living legends. Lucky Nice and Gorgeous Ted the Lady Killer, the lead singers of the single greatest blues band in the world: The Runaway Five.

Ted looked up and saw the awestruck boy before him and smiled warmly. "We…" he began.

"Y-You're-You're…!" Ness stammered.

"That's right," Ted continued, "We are the Runaway Five. Well, Two of the Runaway Five." He chuckled.

"You! I'm! YES!!!… you guys are huge! You guys are amazing! I have EVERY SINGLE ALBUM YOU'VE EVER MADE!!!"

"So you're a fan, huh?" Lucky asked.

"FAN?! I'm probably the biggest Runaway junkie ever! Well, besides, maybe my dad!"

Ted smiled at this, Lucky said, "Well, we may be popular, but that girl Paula is the real celebrity around here."

"Paula?" Ness paused. That name was familiar. "I've heard that name before… where was it?" Ness pondered aloud.

"Where?" Ted asked incredulously, "How about, everywhere! Everybody talks about the miracle worker of Twoson!"

"Miracle worker?" He asked.

"Well, I don't know the details," Said lucky, "but around here there's a famous story of how she lifted a car off of a guy after a bad accident."

"Ewww." Ness said, his nose scrunched in disgust, "Buff chiks are nasty." He saw an image in his mind's eye of a huge body builder with a little girl's head.

Lucky and Gorgeous erupted into a fit of laughter at this. "That's a good one kid! But from what I hear she never touched the car at all, she lifted it with her mind!"

The young hero's face took on a sudden seriousness. His own telekinesis was becoming fairly strong, but even so lifting even a small car would be quite the chore. It required a degree of control that Ness just didn't have. He'd tried to lift the Minch's Oldsmobile after his battle at Giant step and nearly gave himself a mental hernia. If this girl was capable of something like that then perhaps she had been the one who contacted him and told him to come to Twoson… and if she were that strong of a psychic, then perhaps she was the girl that Buzz Buzz mentioned!

_Finally, I'll have some company on this crazy adventure!_ Ness thought smilingly as he turned back to his heroes and said, "It's been a real honor meeting you guys." He was making a conscious effort not to drool as he shook their hands.

"Well hey! Anytime champ!" Lucky responded.

He asked around a bit and eventually found himself outside Polestar Preschool. Inside Ness found a room full of children sitting in a semicircle on the floor around a woman in her mid thirties as she read to them.

"…What a hog, to swallow a dog! She swallowed the dog to catch the cat, imagine that to swallow a cat!" She read. It was one of Ness' favorite childhood books. He wasn't one to interrupt, so he simply stood just inside the door and listened. The woman looked up at him.

"Hello." She greeted with a pearly smile, "Can I help you?"

Ness scratched his head bashfully, robbed of his usual boisterous enthusiasm. "Does Paula live here?" he asked.

The woman looked him over, smiled and asked, "Are you Ness?"

"What?" Ness asked, stunned. "Y-um… Yes… How'd you know my name?"

"Paula's in her room." She said, indicating the door behind her. Ness waded through the curious children and stopped short in the next room. In the past two days he had faced down monsters, police, and criminals, but few things in the world can rival the sheer terror inspired by an overprotective father. The man had scraggly blonde hair and crumpled, weary visage that gave him a haggard, unkempt look; it was a stark contrast to the easy grace of Mrs. Polestar. However, despite how tired he looked, Mr. Polestar was still an imposing structure. He was bulky if slightly past his prime, and Ness could practically smell the wariness as it permeated the room.

"Are you a reporter?" he asked gruffly.

"No…" Ness said, cocking a confused eyebrow.

The man looked him over. "No, of course not… too young. The media comes from all directions to see Paula's miraculous powers… they're all leaches." He said bitterly. "Well, reporter or not my daughter is even more tired of all this attention than I am. She says she will only meet with someone named Ness."

"Oh, well that's me." Ness said, his confidence returning.

"Right… how convenient. I don't buy it for a minute, kid. Buzz off."

"He's telling the truth." Mrs. Polestar called from the kitchen.

Mr. Polestar looked him up and down, shrugged and said, "So you're Ness? You're the one from Paula's dream? Hang on, I'll go call her." As he walked slowly up the stairs, Ness took in the room. The Polestars were a religious family and it showed from the crucifix that smiled at him from the wall, flanked by a reproduction of the last supper. The Polestar family den was saturated with the gospel. Ness personally believed in God, though he was far from religious. His family attended church on Easter and Christmas but left it at that. He had recently taken to wondering exactly what role God played in the recent events that had led him to Twoson, and whether this whole farce was the deity's idea of a sick joke. His musings were interrupted by the sound of rapid, heavy footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Paula doesn't seem to be here right now." Mr. Polestar said, a panicky edge in his voice, "Could you come back later?" he asked.

"Sure." Ness said. He sensed Mr. Polestar's worry and gathered that it wasn't like Paula to leave without notifying her parents. As Ness prepared to leave, Mrs. Polestar smiled and said, "Don't worry about Paula, she has a guardian Angel, it seems." Ness hoped so; something about this didn't sit right with him.

He was a full two steps out the door when his stomach growled up at him angrily. It occurred to the young hero that he had not eaten since his attempt at the Ramblin' evil Mushroom, nearly seven hours earlier. Looking about frantically for some form of sustenance, he spotted a large orange sign shaped like, well, an orange. Fresh fruit sounded like a nice alternative to the day old hamburger he had found in the garbage can the Sharks had stuffed him in, so he strolled across the street and entered the small house next to the sign.

"So there are seriously no oranges for sale here?" Ness asked.

"No, sorry friend. I'm an inventor. Orange Kid is the name, and innovation is my game…" The young man said. He had a laid back, cocky air about him. "What I sell are dreams… Speaking of which, could you invest in my next big thing? Two hundred dollars should about cover it."

Ness was fairly annoyed that this was not a fruit stand as the giant sign so deceptively suggested.

"So you really mean it, there are no oranges in this building?" Ness asked, not one to give up easily.

"Naw, bro. Um… about the cash?"

Ness very nearly obliged, though something in the back of his mind warned against it. Perhaps it was that he was still hungry, or perhaps he noticed something on a subconscious level, but he decided to turn down Orange kid's request.

"It's cool." The inventor responded, "I'll just come by the funds some other way."

Ness left the small house, his stomach still unruly. He was just about to eat the hamburger in his backpack, when something told him to visit the other house just behind Orange Kid's. The houses were identical; except for the sign out front was an apple.

As Ness entered the house; the smell of WD-40 and musty nerd assaulted his olfactory senses. In the corner of the one room shack, amidst the questionable piles of debris and random assortment of junk that lay here and there, there sat a young man perhaps a year or two older than Ness, a solid six inches shorter, and easily one hundred fifty pounds heavier. He was hunched in front of his computer watching old episodes of star trek. Ness cleared his throat and spoke. "Hi… um… do you sell inventions too, or is there actually food here?"

Apple Kid didn't bother looking up from his monitor. "Uh… hi." He replied absently, "yes, I do make inventions…err… and there isn't any food here… I actually haven't eaten in about a week… sorry."

Ness felt a great swell of pity for the pudgy inventor Ness hadn't eaten since breakfast and he felt as if his stomach would digest itself. He couldn't imagine going an entire week without a meal. Apple Kid glanced up to see a dewy eyed Ness looking back, at him, face brimming with compassion.

"Here! Take it!" Ness said, shoving the hamburger at Apple Kid with an over the top display of generosity. When Ness did anything, he gave it everything.

Apple Kid scratched his ginger hair. He looked a little surprised at first, but then gratefully wolfed half the thing down. He stopped mid burger before he carefully sniffed the burger. Examining the wrapper closely he began to mutter to himself.

"You found this in a garbage can, didn't you?" he asked.

Ness blushed a bit before responding, "um… yeah. Sorry, I had planned on eating it myself, but you seemed hungry."

Apple kid waved his apology off, "No biggie, I've eaten garbage more times than I care to think about since my parents died." He smiled cheerfully, "you do what you have to in order to survive." Ness smiled back. He saw a certain fortitude in the boy's eyes. "Speaking of survival," Apple Kid said, "Would you happen to be interested in funding my research? I don't mean to beg or anything, but no decent university is going to fund a kid with no credentials like me. I don't need much; two hundred dollars should about cover it…"

Ness obliged, giving him half of the money he had earned from pawning the mushrooms off of his head. He trusted Apple kid a lot more than Orange Kid, mostly because he was slovenly and eccentric, the marks of a true genius.

"Hey, are you any relation to that Orange Kid guy?" Ness asked.

"Orange kid? Not by blood, but if you count the fact that he's ripped off every project I've ever come up with, then yeah." He scowled.

Ness blinked. "really?"

"Yeah," Apple kid said, "That kid couldn't squeeze out an original idea to save his life, but he's a genius when it comes to reverse engineering." Apple kid blinked thoughtfully, "Not a very trustworthy fellow." He added.

Ness grinned, "Well, that's good to know! And to think, I almost gave him two hundred dollars!"

Apple Kid smirked, "Yeah, most people think that he's a real bundle of talent, but nobody ever notices that he doesn't have any equipment. No tools, no computer… he doesn't even have any books! Anyway, I digress. I really appreciate the capital and you have my word you won't be disappointed. I'm going to get started right away! I'll contact you when I have something!" And with That, Apple kid set about organizing his work area. Ness turned to leave, but just as he reached the door, a very deep voice cut into his thoughts.

"I appreciate what you did." Ness looked around, puzzled at the source of the unknown voice.

"Down here." It said. Ness looked down to see a small mouse staring up at him.

"Hey," Ness greeted it, "What's your name little fella?"

"I don't have a name. Apple Kid has yet to give me one. He is a very brilliant boy, if a little absent minded. For example he told you that he will contact you, but didn't realize that he has no way to get in touch with you. Here," The mouse handed Ness a small wireless phone, "It's a receiver phone."

"Reciever phone?" Ness asked. "I can't make calls on it?"

"No, you can't. You see Apple kid is very intense about his work, and takes it very hard when he loses his train of thought. I've disabled the phone's ability to make outgoing calls so that you won't call Apple kid at a bad time and accidentally interrupt his work. This way everyone wins!"

Ness nodded and thanked the little mouse before leaving as quietly as he could.

Back on the North side of town, Ness walked up to the front desk of the hotel.

"Hi, can I use the phone?" he asked. The desk clerk nodded absently and Ness dialed home.

"Hello?" His mother answered.

"Hi mom." Ness responded.

"OH! Ness, hi honey! I take it you're in Twoson by now?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry I didn't call when I first got here, some things came up."

"I understand, sweetie, these things happen. So did you meet that young lady you were supposed to see?" His mother asked.

"Not yet, She wasn't home when I got there…" Ness paused, contemplating the growing uneasiness he felt regarding the Polestar's daughter. "Um… I may need to be gone for a bit longer than I thought before, Mom. It'll be at least another day or two, maybe more… is it ok?" he cringed slightly, expecting his mother to say no, or at least guilt him into coming home, instead there was a nearly inaudible sigh from the receiver.

"Do what you must, sweetie." His mother said. for a brief moment, Ness felt a pang of sadness through the line. Ness suddenly felt guilty, he had not told his mother of his quest, the adventures he'd had, or the dangers he was facing. In his defence, it was mostly for her protection as he didn't want her to worry about him, or to forbid him from going and thus endangering all mankind, but he suddenly wanted to tell her about everything, his strange new powers, his victory over the Titanic Ant, and the impending danger of Giygas' invasion.

"Mom, listen, the night the meteorite fell, I went to get Pickey, some things happened that I haven't told you about, I-"

"I'm sorry Honey, My soap opera is just getting to the steamy part! I've gotta let you go!" Ness' mother said urgently. Ness stood for a few moments, listening intently to the dial tone. He had never known his mother to watch soap operas. Nor had he ever known soap operas to come on at seven o'clock in the evening.

X X X X X X X X

"Ness… Ness… Can you hear me calling you…?" She asked.

"…" Ness focused as hard as he could on responding. "…Wh…o…" he strained out.

"I am a friend you've never met before…" She replied.

"…P… Pau… Paul…a…?"

"… Ness, there's no time to explain, please, you have to listen to me! I need your help! Ness! Please help me!" she pleaded.

"W…are you… where…?" He strained.

"Ness! I'm… well I don't know where I am… I'm in a log cabin somewhere… I can hear water running in the distance… Ness I need your help!!"

Ness awoke suddenly and the voice faded. Water? He didn't know where to begin looking for this voice. He didn't know his way around Twoson and his telepathy wasn't anywhere near decent enough to contact Paula. And judging from the urgency she was radiating, he couldn't afford to wait until he fell asleep again. Never one to worry over much, he slipped on his lucky shirt and shorts and stepped down to the lobby to sample the complimentary continental breakfast. He was finishing off his fifth bagel smothered in cream cheese when Mr. Polestar's frantic voice hoarse with worry rang out outside the hotel. Ness stepped outside to see the man barreling down the street calling for his daughter. When he saw Ness he stopped. "Have you seen my Paula?" he asked, eyes wild.

Ness shook his head. "No, I haven't seen her…" He answered, which was technically true, even though he'd spoken to her the previous night, he had only seen a vague shadow of her consciousness. He very nearly made the tragic mistake of telling Mr. Polestar about Paula's frightened cry for help, but his better judgment reasoned that the man was liable to tear him to pieces on the spot.

"Oh boy, now I'm really worried. She still hasn't come home yet…" Mr. Polestar's face suddenly contorted in Malice, "Everdred!" he growled before tearing off towards South part of Town. Ness followed at a safe distance, not wishing to get in the way of such an angry father. When he arrived, he looked around. He saw Paula's father leaving the park and decided to investigate for himself, once Mr. Polestar was out of sight, that is.

Burglin Park, Twoson's outdoor bazaar was notorious for its shady dealers and smooth operators. It had some characters that made Mayor Pirkle of Onett look like Mother Theresa. The head hauncho of the place was one Mr. Everdred, petty crook, town sleezeball and overall scoundrel. He was sitting atop his small one room cottage at the edge of the park when he saw Ness approach. He was a stocky man, with a wiry goatee and a preposterous jerry curl. "We'll chat later, after we've locked horns! YEEEAAAHH!!" the man bellowed, leaping off his roof at Ness. Ness stepped out of the way as the man fell and collapsed flat on his face.

"You're a cunning warrior to have outsmarted me so!" he said.

"Um… what?" said a confused Ness.

"My name is Everdred, when I jumped off the roof I sprained my ankle, but you won fair and square, and nothing will change that."

"um… ok…" Perplexed as he was, Ness was not about to argue. He and looked around, "Do you know anything about Paula?" he asked.

Everdred nodded gravely. "Sure do. Her old man's a complete nutcase! He chased me up onto my roof, accusing me of kidnapping his daughter!"

_I wouldn't put it past you_… Ness thought, eyeing Everdred's cabin and the nearby pond.

"I didn't of course!" Everdred continued, "I'll admit I'm a thief, but I would never stoop to kidnapping! It's bad Karma; especially when it involves a sweet little girl like Paula."

"Really." Ness said, "And how do I know I can trust you?" He asked, warily.

"What?!" Everdred was incredulous, "What could I possibly stand to gain from kidnapping Paula? And even if there were some motive, why would I do it?! I owe that girl my life!" Ness stared blankly at the thief, who adjusted his shades and continued, "Paula's famous around these parts because of her… shall we say, unique powers." He paused. "I'm sure you've heard the story of the accident."

"Yeah, they tell me she lifted a car off of some guy with her mind." Ness answered.

"She did at that, only it wasn't some guy whose bacon she saved that day, it was me!" Everdred exclaimed, "And let me tell you, nobody appreciates her abilities more than yours truly!" He paused, and adjusted the collar of his hula shirt nervously, "Which brings up an interesting point; who are you, kid? And why are you so interested in Paula? Are you after her powers too?" he asked.

"Well, yeah." Ness responded, "In a manner of speaking."

Everdred suddenly went defensive, "HYAAAH! I knew it! You're one of THEM, aren't you?!"

Ness looked at him blankly, "What are you talking about? One of who?"

"Don't play dumb!" Everdred growled, "You want to exploit Paula's abilities!"

"No I don't." Ness said.

"Oh really! And how can I know that?!"

"Because," Ness responded, "I have even less reason to exploit Paula's abilities than you do."

Everdred looked only slightly less skeptical. "And how's that?"

"Because Paula's just like me." He said. "Lifeup…" Ness whispered, concentrating on Everdred's sprained and swollen ankle. The old burglar was taken aback by Ness' healing abilities and voiced the sentiment with ample amazement. "I've never seen Paula do that…" He muttered.

Ness' voice took on a serious tone, "Now, who is 'THEM'?" he asked.

Everdred's continence was similarly somber. "Have you ever heard the name, Carpainter?" he asked.

Ness Stumbled out of the cave and into the brightness of Peaceful Rest valley. He had managed to get away from the Ramblin' evil mushrooms and their mobile sprout cohorts with only three mushrooms growing out of his head, but he still felt like he had sniffed an ocean of paint thinner. A young woman with a basket approached him. She looked eagerly at the fungus growing from his head. "Could you sell me those mushrooms growing out of your head?" She inquired. It seemed that the going rate for the accursed fungi was fifty dollars each. Ness almost wouldn't have minded had it not been for the vertigo and loss of motor functions. Ness found himself in a pleasant green meadow with steep rocky hills on one side, and a swift flowing river on the other.

"Well, I guess I'd better find a way across the river…" Ness thought. The first bridge he came to was, for all intents and purposes, destroyed. He spotted another bridge a few dozen yards north, but stopped short. For some weird reason, an iron shaped pencil statue was blocking his path. He scoured his brain for a logical explanation for the statue but drew a blank.

"PSI ROCKIN!" Ness bellowed, and blasted the statue with a dose of pure, unadulterated psychic energy. The statue glowed with warmth for a few seconds, but other wise was unaffected by the attack. Ness swore lightly. With no way around the statue short of falling in the river Ness decided to go back to see if he could rent or build a canoe. As he reached Twoson's city limits, he received a call on Apple Kid's receiver phone.

"Hey, Ness!" Apple kid said.

"Oh, hey Apple Kid, What's up?"

"Your investment is starting to pay off, I just had a breakthrough! Come have a look, I'm in Burglin Park!" and with that he hung up.

Ness hopped on his bike and pedaled furiously to Burglin park, running over all of the Mushrooms he could on the way.

Apple Kid was sitting under a tree, a tired little smile on his face and dark bags under his eyes.

"Behold, the Pencil eraser!" he said when Ness arrived.

Ness said, "That's great, but listen, do you think you could invent a canoe or something so I can cross the river in Peaceful Rest valley, there's this iron… wait, what?"

"The pencil eraser." Apple kid continued, "It's an ingenious little machine that can obliterate any pencil shaped object in seconds!"

"Apple kid, you're amazing!" the young inventor blushed bashfully at this, "So you knew about the statue?"

"What statue?" Apple kid asked.

"The Pencil statue in Peaceful Rest Valley. That's why you invented this thing, right?"

"No." Apple kid said, "I just wanted to see if I could do it.

"Wow…" Ness said, "What are the chances of you inventing exactly the thing I need at exactly the time I need it?

"By coincidence? Roughly one in two point three trillion. Give or take fifteen."

Ness blinked then grinned widely, "You're the man Apple Kid! I've gotta go! Paula needs me!"

"Alright, see ya' Ness!" Apple kid called towards Ness' hastily retreating form. Wait, he thought, Paula Polestar! Ness is going to get tangled up with the Happy Happyists! The pudgy genius breathed a silent prayer for Ness' safety, with the happy Happyists involved; it was likely that he'd never see Ness again.

"Are you at the statue?" Apple Kid's voice rasped through the receiver phone.

"Yeah." Ness responded.

"Alright, now I tried to make the pencil eraser as user friendly as possible, so just follow my instructions and it should work."

"Alright." Ness said. He glared at the hated iron obstruction and pulled the small metal box out of his backpack.

"Now, do you see the big red button?" Apple Kid asked.

"um… yes." Ness responded.

"Press it."

Ness obliged and the pencil eraser emitted a small buzz and the statue was momentarily wiped from existence. "Well, that made no logical sense." Ness said.

"I'm a scientist, it doesn't have to be logical as long as there are complicated formulas to explain it with."

Ness nodded gravely and continued on.

_It'll be smooth sailing from here_, Ness thought once he crossed the bridge. At that exact second, the gods of irony decided to kick Ness in the teeth. There before him stood a large silver robot. It was mounted on a gyro like a spinning top, and it beeped and whirred at him as it assessed how much of a threat he posed.

"Bring it on." Ness said, his eyes narrowing. The robot fired searing bolt of white hot ions that burned a painful gash into Ness' left shoulder. The young hero growled in pain, and fell to one knee, just long enough for a small flying saucer to attack from above. Ness swung at it with his bat, but the Lil' UFO's quick, sporadic movements made it a difficult target. The robot fired another beam, this one hit Ness squarely in the face and flooded his sinuses. Ness sneezed vehemently before he lifted his fingers to his forehead and whispered, "Healing…" His head cold cleared and he instantly leapt forward, ignoring the pain in his shoulder and bashed the Robot soundly, its armored head crumpled under the force of the blow. The robot's subsequent explosion propelled Ness into the sheer face of a nearby hill; but the wily young man rebounded off and smashed the Lil' UFO with a mighty swing of his bat. Ness looked ahead of him into the valley. He could hear the whirring of UFO's and robots, and he felt the malice of hostile plant life. He was in for a long fight. So much for 'Peaceful Rest'.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Author's Note: This is perhaps my least favorite part of the game, with the exception of maybe the department store, and as a result I contracted the worst writer's block I've ever gotten, (Not that that's saying much, as I haven't written much in my life, but I digress...) which was oddly enough cured by watching Dragon Ball (God Bless you, Akira Toriyama.) Go figure. Anyway, I'm not at all satisfied with this chapter, and will probably continue to revise it throught the course of this story, (assuming I write any more) but the show must go on, and I've stalled enough.


	5. Captivity of the Psychic

CHAPTER IV: Captivity of the Psychic

Ness slid down a steep embankment and hid behind some bushes. He held his nose, desprately trying to hold back a painful sneeze. A little UFO darted out of the foliage a few yards to his left. It hovered frantically here and there, searching for him. He sneezed hard and was instantly bombarded with laser fire from the small saucer. Ness leapt out of the now burning bushes and clubbed the UFO soundly, breaking it into scrap metal. He was getting better at fighting them, which was no surprise, he hadn't done much of anything else for the past two hours. He had reached the point of exhaustion twice since entering the valley, and both times had broken through a wall of fatigue; he was now fighting on a sort of runner's high. The UFO's and spinning robots which had been so fast and powerful two hours ago were now increasingly easier to defeat. He had become stronger, noticeably faster, and his stamina had improved as well.

"Healing Alpha..." Ness whispered to get rid of what must have been the dozenth sinus infection the annoying extraterrestrials had given him. While his physical strength was no longer a problem, his PSI was a commodity he had to preserve. Were it not for the relaxing magic butterfly he had encountered midway through the valley he probably would not have made it.

Two spinning robots whizzed around a curve in the past and blocked his way. Without much warning they began to fire laser blasts at him. Ness charged, staying low and dodging their assault in a zig zag pattern, he leaped forward and smashed the first robot's head. A second blow to the body sent the robot careening into its companion where their combined firepower brought them to a mutual end.

"The valley's end is in sight." Ness thought panting, "Hang on Paula... I'll be there soon."

X X X X X X X X

Paula Polestar was bored. All been able to do in the day and a half since the kidnapping was sit in her cell and stare out the window, as the cabin she was being held in sported only the barest of necessities.

"Oh, Ness, Please hurry..." She sighed to herself. She was not worried in the least about Ness coming to rescue her, she had complete faith in him, and as she wished and hoped for Ness to come soon, she began to daydream, which she had done a lot of recently.

Paula's thoughts were cut short when she heard brisk footsteps outside her cabin. Footsteps she recognized. The door to the cabin opened and in three figures. The first was a tall, lanky man with wild eyes and impossible blue hair. Paula knew him well; Erwin Carpainter, founder and head priest of the Happy Happyist Cult. The second figure was new, however. He looked like he was about Paula's age; he was short and pudgy in noticeable contrast to carpainter. His hair was blond and his face held a vague piggish quality. He spoke first.

"Is this her?" he spoke in an annoying nasal whine.

"Yes." Carpainter replied. "And you are sure of the artifact you found?"

" Of course!" The porkish boy replied indignantly before turning his attention to Paula. "Are you sure she can do what you say she can?"

"Go closer, and see for yourself." Carpainter said with a broad sweep of his hand.

The boy approached the door of Paula's cell, a lecherous sneer on his face. Paula shrank timidly from her captor.

The third visitor, who Paula also knew, reached out and took the boy by his collar. "That's enough." She said, "can't you see you're scaring her?"

The boy scowled at her. "Who cares?" He said, "It's not like we're keeping her here for a relaxing vacation!"

The girl, also Paula's age, ignored the pudgy boy. "Please excuse him, Paula." she said, "He has no manners." She paused for a moment, a look of genuine concern in her pale, blue eyes. "It doesn't have to be this way." She pleaded, "We don't mean to hurt you!"

Paula held the girl's gaze for a moment. At length she said, "I'm sorry, Elaine, but I don't trust you."

The girl's countenance sank. In the years the two had known each other Paula had always known her as Lainey; she had never used her full name.

"You have one last chance my dear Paula, to reconsider our offer. " Carpainter said, "Will you join us?"

"No." Paula said quietly, averting her gaze from her former friend.

"Very well." Said Carpainter and with that he turned to leave.

"Father?" Elain called after him confused, "What about the ritual?"

Carpainter let out a deep chuckle, "We no longer need it. I am confident in our new brother's claims." He flashed a menacing smile at Paula, "It seems young lady that you have outlived your usefulness."

He strode out the cabin door, followed by his piggish companion. Elaine hesitated before she started after them.

"Lainey..." Paula said hesitantly.

Elaine turned, hope in her face.

"I hope it was worth it." Paula said, her voice a mixture of concern, hurt, and anger, "But right now, I'm glad she's gone. I'm glad she can't see what you've done."

And then it was Elaine's turn to avert her eyes.

X X X X X X X X

The village was blue. very blue. It hurt Ness' eyes it was so blue. Even in the orange tint of the sinking sun he found the blueness of the place obtrusive. The buildings were blue, people's clothing was blue, even the grass and trees were blue. He walked cautiously into town, looking around to see if he could find Paula, or any clue as to her location. The eeriness of the town's color scheme notwithstanding, something about the whole place made Ness' skin crawl. The people he met all smiled ear to ear, but they had a plastic feel about them, as if they were trying hard just to convince themselves of their own happiness. Everyone he spoke to offered him empty salutations and hollow laughter. While Ness was pondering this, his ears caught the sound of a troubled voice singing a haunting melody. Following the sound of the melancholy tune Ness came to a large, stately farmhouse which seemed to double as a chapel. Outside, sitting on a stump was a girl about his age. She had long dark hair and a round button like nose. Her eyes were cast skyward, and her face was burdened with what looked like all the cares in the world. Presently she noticed Ness.

"Hi!" He greeted cheerfully.

"Hello." The girl said seeming somewhat startled.

"I didn't mean to scare you," Ness apologized, he noticed her eyes were a deep blue "I heard you singing and..." He trailed off, his brow crinkled in thought. The girl cocked her head quizically. "Could you help me? I'm looking for someone." He said at last.

"I see." The girl said. "I don't recognize you, you must be new here..."

"You could say that." Ness said, "I'm just visiting."

"Really? are you traveling alone? You seem a bit young for that..." The girl observed.

Ness shrugged, "Maybe."

"If you're here then you must want to know about Happy Happyism." The girl said, "there's little else in this town you could have come for. My name is Elaine, and I can tell you all about it."

"My name is Ness, and I have absolutely no interest in Happy Happyism." Ness said with an awkward grin, "like I said, I'm here to find someone."

"I'm sorry," Said the girl, more than a little offended, "I assumed you meant my father."

"What?"

"My father, Erwin Carpainter. He is the founder of Happy Happyism."

At this Ness turned defensive. He had heard that name from Everdred. Elaine saw Ness stiffen and his eyes narrow. "Who was it that you came here to find?" she asked.

It never crossed Ness' mind to lie to the girl about his purpose, he was just too straightforward for that.

"I'm here for Paula. Paula Polestar." Ness said almost defiantly. He expected her reaction to be one of rage, he expected a battle to ensue, what he was not prepared for was the way Elaine lowered her eyes, or the quiet shame in her voice as she said, "I see."

There was silence for a long moment before she looked at him, a sad little smile on her face, and said, "Your shirt... it's blue."

Ness looked down. Of course his shirt was blue, it was blue with yellow stripes, or yellow with blue stripes, whatever the case, that was fairly obvious.

"Of course it is." He said, looking confusedly to his shirt and then back to Elaine.

"Blue... It was my mother's favorite color."

"Was?" Ness asked curiously.

"She... Died, a long time ago." She said.

Ness nodded silently. "I'm sorry." He said. "But... What does that have to do with Paula?"

"My father kidnapped... Brought Paula here for a reason." She said. "He brought her here so that he could bring my mother back!"

Ness was dumbfounded. "That's... what?" Ness said, shocked.

"Paula has miraculous powers," Elaine said, "And she is going to help us, and put them to good use for a change!"

"Wait a second," Ness said, "What about the people she's already helped? Don't they call her the miracle worker of twoson?"

Elaine laughed bitterly. "Yes, I'm assuming you're talking about how she helped some two bit theif out from under a car."

Ness shrugged, "That sounds pretty miraculous to me."

Elaine glared at the boy, "So they told you that story? Then did they tell you how the person that he hit, the woman in the other car, bled to death while awaiting an ambulance?! Did they tell you how that so-called miracle worker sat there and did nothing while my mother died!?"

Ness looked at his feet.

"Yes, you see now what a fraud she really is." Elaine spat.

"Not really." Ness said coolly. "My parents always taught me not to judge people before I know them. I've never met Paula and I haven't heard her side of the story."

"Her side of the...!" Elaine began, but Ness cut her off.

"Besides," He said firmly, "even if she did let your mom die, that doesn't give you the right to kidnap her." Ness somehow sensed that in this girl was more pain and loneliness than anger towards Paula.

The girl looked at her feet, feeling suddenly guilty. Who was this boy who could shake her convictions so easily? Between him and Paula, Elaine was beginning to doubt very seriously whether or not their cause was just.

"Anyway," Ness said, "You can't bring back the dead. That's not something Humans are supposed to do."

"And how would you know?!" Elaine replied desperately.

Ness shrugged, "Call it a feeling. And believe me, my feelings have been pretty accurate lately." He said, eyeing the cathedral. He guessed from the blindingly bright blue aura around the place that that was Carpainter's hideout. "Is your dad in there?" he asked.

"What are you going to do?" Elaine asked, alarmed.

"Well... Beat him to a bloody pulp." Ness said, "Unless you can talk him out of all this none sense, I don't think he'll listen to me." He paused for a response, but Elaine was too shocked to give him one, so the young hero marched resolutely to the door of the chapel.

"You can't!" Elaine called after him. Ness, however, paid her no heed. "That boy..." She thought, "He has no aura..."

X X X X X X X X

Within the chapel Ness found yet another bizarre sight. The chapel was filled with what looked like blueberry flavored Ku Klux Klansmen, all chanting a mantra of "Blue, Blue. Blue, Blue" to call it eerie would be a massive understatement. Ness proceeded to squeeze his way through the stoic mob until a particularly insane cultist trapped him.

"You evil non-blue person! Don't go to heaven!!" the azure lunatic bellowed. Unable to adequately unsheathe or swing his bat in such a crowded room, Ness simply head butted the cultist and stepped over his unconscious form. The other cultists were too wrapped up in their prayer to notice the battle. Eventually Ness reached the door on the far end of the large hall, and into a small foyer area where he found an ornate staircase. He proceeded slowly up the stairs, readying his bat as he went. There was one single room at the top of the stairs, in the center of which stood a grotesque golden statue That looked like the Oscar from hell, fixed with monsterous teeth and giant bull horns. In front of the statue a man knelt in supplication, mumbling arcane words and drawing mysterious symbols on the floor. Without looking up, he greeted Ness.

"I have no time for visitors." He said.

"Are you Erwin Carpainter?" Ness demanded.

"I am." He responded, "And you are Ness. The trouble maker from Onett." Carpainter stood slowly, and equally slowly turned to face Ness. He was a laconic, giant of a man and smiled a big, toothy grin with his mouth, while glaring fire and hatred at the boy with his eyes. "I have been warned of your coming. I haven't the patience for heroics..." As he said this, twin bolts of lightning flared from the corners of the room and blasted Ness backwards out the window.

X X X X X X X X

Paula Polestar sat in the corner of her prison, fighting back another round of tears and by this time, she had becoming quite proficient at it. It had only been a day since the Happy Happyists kidnapped her, but her façade of cold defiance was quite an emotional drain. To her captors, Paula appeared indomitable, but in truth she saw herself as a scared little girl trying to be brave. It never occurred to her that it took a great deal of strength and determination to maintain her 'act', strength that came mostly from the hope of being rescued, hope that HE would come for her. Ness, the lone hero from Onett, her knight in shining armor, the Link to her Zelda. She sat in the impenetrable fortress awaiting her hero to rescue her from the clutches of the evil wizard and his terrifying, if slightly obese, dragon (When left to her own devices, Paula sometimes let her imagination get out of hand). She imagined Ness fighting his way through an army of evil to do battle with the sinister carpainter, his sword blazing, his smile winsome, and his victory sure. He would slay that obnoxious dragon and rebuke Elaine, the evil wayward princess.

Paula paused at that thought. Her smile waned as she was brought abruptly back to reality. Paula wondered why Elaine had betrayed her. She sighed. Ever since 'the incident' she had been a small town celebrity. It had been a good deed, and seemed like a good idea at the time, but since then Paula wondered if it had been worth it after all. The world knew of her miraculous gift and that knowledge hand brought her more trouble than anything. She may as well have left Everdred under that car, after all he was only a petty thief. And Genene Carpainter was a fine upstanding citizen, perhaps she could have done more to save her...

No. she thought

"NO" She said outloud. She would not think that way. She had done the right thing. _I did the right thing. _She repeated to herself. It had taken her parents two full years to convince her that she was not responsible, that there was nothing she could have done. Paula wasn't sure she completely believed them either, she still had nightmares. She had always suspected that Elaine and Mr. Carpainter held a grudge against her for failing to save Mrs. Genene, but she respected her friend too much to use her telepathy to go snooping around in her mind, and therefore never knew for sure. Paula gazed down at her hands. "I can lift cars and see in side people's hearts, but I can't do anything in the face of death." She gazed at her hands and sighed, "and now I can't save my best friend from herself."

And for all her powers, Paula Polestar felt totally powerless.

X X X X X X X X

Ness awoke in the middle of a cow pasture, his head only six perilous inches from landing in a cow pattie. He sat up ubruptly, checking his body for burns, broken bones, stains... He found himself a little the worse for wear, but nothing a dose of Lifeup couldn't cure. He rested his chin on his fist and thought. Carpainter was powerful, very powerful, and Ness had little chance of beating a man who could control lightning. And slim as that chance was, Ness realized that it was reduced to zero given his current level of physical fatigue. As much as he hated the idea of leaving Paula's rescue until morning Ness realized that he had little choice and sought refuge at a nearby farm house.

"NO." The man said self riteously.

"B-But..." Ness stammered. He was standing in the living room of a spacious house, staring down a surly farmer and his indignant family.

"I said no." The man continued. "You see we here in Happy Happy Village are like a family, family looks out for its own, but for filthy outsiders like you we have no beds, unless you are willing to reimburse us for the trouble of cleaning up after your sinful non-blue presence.

Ness set his jaw. He could go find an ATM and pay the farmer, but he would sooner sleep outside than stay under the roof of such a judgmental jackass. He turned to leave muttering about the lack of happy in that abode.

He didn't know how long he wandered through the dark cloudless night, his fatigue weighing on him like a sack of lead; to tell the truth Ness didn't know much of anything as he was nearly asleep on his feet which actually turned out to be quite a blessing. He stumbled blearily through the dark to find a suitable place to rest, out of the damp and cold evening mist. He was so tired that he didn't notice when he trudged past Carpainter's chapel, stumbled by the local drug store, staggered through a small cave and past two sleeping cultists, and finally collapsed inside of a small secluded cabin.

X X X X X X X X

Paula opened her eyes after a deep refreshing sleep. She yawned happily at the songs of the birds outside, and smiled at the sunlight filtering through the bars on her window. She was in good spirits despite her recent abduction, and ongoing hostage situation. She had slept uncharacteristically soundly, more than she had since being brought to the village, and more even than she usually had before the kidnapping. She had slept so well that it had in fact been her own snoring that had awakened her...

"Wait a second." Paula whispered to herself, "I don't snore... do I?"

As if in answer a particularly loud snore split the morning air. The hair on Paula's neck stood up as she realized that she was not alone in the cabin. She turned cautiously and peeked out the bars. There on the floor lay a boy about her age. He was sprawled about in a haphazard way that seemed as though he hadn't a care in the world. On closer inspection Paula saw that he looked as if he had just been through a war zone. His stripped shirt was torn and singed, and even a little bloody. His clothes were dirty and his shoes were caked with mud. Still his face looked peaceful framed by wild black locks bursting riotously from under his red baseball cap.

It took her fully ten seconds to realize that this was the boy that she had been waiting for so anxiously. Paula breifly wondered how and when he had arrived but decided that it didn't matter and set about waking him up.

"Ness..." She whispered softly, she didn't want to risk shouting, lest her captors hear.

"Ness...!" She whispered with a bit more urgency.

"NESS!" she shouted a bit louder than she meant to. After looking around apprehensively for a few moments she turned her attention to the boy. Ness stopped snoring momentarily, stretched, and yawned, then turned over on his side and continued to snore softly.

Paula, more than a little frustrated decided to try a different method. She had learned long ago how to control the movement of air using PSI. She would often use her power to produce a stiff breeze so that the children of her preschool could fly kites on a stale summer day. She had found over time that by vibrating the air she could increase its temperature and thus save her family a few dollars on their winter heating bill; and conversely she could cool the air by channeling and funneling it for a psychic air conditioning of sorts. It was this technique that she employed to wake her sleeping savior. She channeled the air around Ness, swirling it, funneling it, lowering its temperature until it felt like a cold fall day within the cabin. Still, Ness did not awake.

She channeled the air more, as water began to condense on the steel bars that divided her prison. Ness still did not move. She concentrated harder, lowering the temperature more until she could see her breath in the now frigid room. At this Ness stirred, sat up, let out a mighty yawn, and lay back down, snoring louder than ever. At this Paula lost her temper. She stood as her mind let loose an involuntary shock of PSI and the air molecules in the room came to an abrupt and momentary stop. Ice crystals formed on the bars and Ness began shivering. He awoke slowly, rubbing his arms. Paula sat back in her chair feeling somewhat dizzy. The burst had taken a lot out of her and she felt as if she had been hit with a tranquilizer. She shook her head, the fog cleared, and Paula realized the power of PSI Freeze alpha.

X X X X X X X X

Ness awoke perplexed. First of all, he had no idea where he was. It seemed that he was in a cabin somewhere, but he didn't remember how or when he had arrived. Second it was cold, very cold and all of his sensibilities told him that even this early in the summer it should be at least in the high seventies. Finally there was the mystery of shiny steel bars that divided the cabin and the rather pissed off looking girl that was glaring at him from the other side.

"Hi..." Ness greeted her, "Um... did I end up in jail or something?" He asked. As awkward as it sounded, it was not so far fetched, not when he remembered where he was and who was in charge in this crazy village.

"No." the girl said urgently, "I'm the one that's the prisoner."

Ness looked about as the pieces slowly fell into place. Bars. A cabin. A little girl. And the distinct sound of the river Peace flowing in the distance.

"Hey!" Ness shouted, leaping to his feet in joy, "You're a prisoner! That's great!!!"

Paula was taken aback. He was happy, exstatic even. "Prisoner?" She said warily, Perhaps she had been wrong in assuming that this boy was Ness. "Are you...?"

"My name's Ness!" He said triumphantly jabbing his thumb at his chest. "And boy am I glad I found you! I'm here to rescue you!"

Paula felt relieved and excited all at once. "Oh thank GOD!" She nearly screamed.

"Stand back!" Ness yelled, "I'm going to blast these bars!"

"WAIT!" she cried.

"What?!" Ness asked, startled."

"Ness, these bars aren't shielded or anything."

"Well, yeah, that's kinda why I was gonna blast them…" Ness said, confused.

"Ness, if you use PSI to blow up the bars, you'll probably kill me."

"Oh." Ness said bashfully. "so… How do we get them open?"

"You have to get the key from Carpainter." She said.

"Yeah, I tried that. It didn't work too well. That guy can randomly shoot lightning out of his head."

"Here, take this." Paula said, as she slipped a small badge that roughly resembled a one hundred dollar bill through the bars. "It's the Franklin badge, it should protect you."

"You sure about that?" Ness asked, remembering how painful the twin bolts of lightning actually were.

"Positive, you just go kick butt like I know you can!" Paula encouraged.

Ness smiled a toothy grin.

The grin remained on Ness' face as he exited the cabin but there was struck down and died a horrible flaming death as Ness beheld a sight which made him choke on his own spit. There, leaning on what looked like an overly extravagant pimp cane stood Pokey Minch. Beside him stood two of the hooded cultists, each holding a bucket of paint and looking menacing.

"So," Pokey said, "I see you've been fraternizing with our guest."

"um..." Ness cleared his throat after a minute and a half of hacking. "Pokey, what are you doing here? And what do you mean guest? Pokey... Pokey are you the fat kid that helped kidnap Paula?!" Ness demanded, eyes wide.

Pokey leered. "Kidnapped? No, we're simply guiding her down the path to enlightenment." he chuckled at his own cleverness.

"Enlightenment?" Ness said, "Pokey, you're part of a cult that worships the color blue! And besides, you should have someone's permission before you try to lead them anywhere!" he added emphatically.

"Lead, drag, it's fine line I guess, but I'm not one to split hairs." Pokey said.

Ness' eyes narrowed. "Pokey, I've known you to do some pretty stupid things, but this is low, even for you."

"Pah!" Pokey retorted, "just like everyone else, Ness, you judge me too harshly. You take one look at me and say 'oh, here's a troubled youth with low self esteem that must be why he eats so much', or 'his parents don't love him enough, so he fills the emptiness with food.' Don't make me laugh!"

Ness scratched his head, confused. "I didn't say anything like that."

Pokey said, "Don't give me that! You were thinking it!!!"

Ness shrugged, "No, I actually think that you eat so much 'cause you're selfish and you always tell me that exercise is for stupid jocks whenever I invite you and Pickey to play baseball with me. That's why you're fat. "

Pokey fumed, "It IS for stupid jocks, you... you... STUPID JOCK!!!" Pokey yelled. "You think you're so special, Mr. Goddy-good!" he pointed at Ness accusingly, "Mr. I'veneverkidnappedanylittlegirlsortiedfirecrackerstostraydogs'tails"

"But that wasn't a stray dog," Ness said, his voice rising, "that was MY dog! YOU did that?!"

"You know what?!" Pokey said, ignoring him, "Mr. Carpainter has made me an important person in Happy Happyism, and now I'm the one who decides what's right and wrong!"

"Well Happy Happyism is a stupid religion!" Ness yelled back.

"You should not say that!" The first cultist said.

"You won't be forgiven!" The second added.

Pokey chuckled darkly, "Well wonder boy it looks like you've offended my friends. It's been a slice, Ness, but I'll see you in hell! Suffer Spanky!" With that the butterball turned and fled, wheezing towards the cave. The Cultists advanced and a spiteful crow flapped in to join the brawl. The first cultist ducked low looking to tackle Ness at the knees; but he was floored a foot to the head. The second flung a large glob of paint at him, only to find Ness' bat lodged in his ribs. The crow never saw the attack coming.

X X X X X X X X

Ness kicked open the door to the Happy Happy chapel to find one hundred forty seven pairs of eyes glaring angrily at him. He had been counting on them being so wrapped up in their ridiculous chanting that he could slip through unnoticed, but apparently Carpainter had ordered them all to be on the lookout for him. _There's no way I can fight my way through all these people!_ Ness thought frantically, "Unless…" he said, as he spied a grand chandelier hanging in the center of the room. The mob rushed him and he leapt high into the air, his foot landing rather violently on one of the Cultist's heads, he rebounded and began leaping from cultist to cultist, stepping on shoulders, heads, and backs, until he reached the chandelier and swung across the room to the door. Once through he bolted up the stairs to the confrontation with Carpainter.

"I see that you've returned." Carpainer said. "It is not too late for you to join our cause, with you and Paula at my side, I shall be invincible. We will usher in a new era of peace, happiness, and loyalty to the ruler of all. Do not throw your life away, I entreat you."

As Carpainter spoke, Ness thought he say something. It was as if some other entity was speaking through carpainter. Something monsterous. At the same time he could almost see the fanged grin of the statue widen in impish glee.

"No." Ness said stoutly.

"Well," Said Carpainter cordially, if you will not be my right hand then feel free to be my left." His smile abruptly vanished, "I kid." and with that twin bolts of lightning slammed into Ness' chest. Unlike before, however, they were repelled and exploded against the walls filling the room with smoke. Carpainter leaped through the haze and violently clamped a large hand on Ness' face.

"Feel my wrath boy!" He said. He fully intended to hurl Ness out the window manually, but in the few days since his adventure had began, Ness had learned a thing or two about hand to hand combat. He wrapped his legs around Carpainter's arms at the shoulder and began pulling the deranged Cult leader's wrists in a flying arm bar. Carpainter bellowed in pain as he flailed the young hero about trying to throw him off; Ness finally let go and tumbled across the room before he regained his footing.

Carpainter renewed his assault with a long handled paint roller, twirling and swinging. Ness parried his blows with his bat, dodged, hopped, and then spotted an opening. The hero from Onett leapt forward and scored a blow to the Cultmaster's noggin, sending the blue haired man staggering backwards.

"I applaud your skills boy," Carpainter said, regaining his composure, "It seems that close range combat is not an option against you. Very well... CRASH BOOM BANG ATTACK!!!" He bellowed. Twin streams of lightning leapt from his fingers and impacted Ness' chest. However, the properties of the Franklyn badge dictated that the lightning return to its place of origin, and Carpainter was blasted back across the room by his own attack. Following up his advantage, Ness sprang forward and scored a blow with his bat. Ness felt a snap as the energy that he had felt earlier coursing through Carpainter was somehow disconnected, and the man stood smaller now and far less imposing.

There was a long silence, then Carpainter finally spoke. "I'm sorry... I just wanted to live a normal life... with my... With my family." he said quietly.

"I know..." Ness said, "You wanted your wife back."

Carpainter looked up, surprised.

"I talked to your daughter." Ness said. "I'm sorry Mr. Carpainter, I've never lost someone close to me, I guess I'm too young." he said.

"Too young?" Carpainter said. "My Elaine was half your age when my wife was taken from me, how could you possibly...!" Carpainter stopped abruptly. "That statue, it had some sort of influence on me. I don't know what came over me but..." He heaved a tired sigh. "It was fate that deprived me of my wife. Perhaps I should have accepted it. It is some people's lot to suffer, others' to have joy. I suppose that is my destiny."

"My father," Ness said softly, "always told me that fate is what life hands us, and destiny is what we make of it. Maybe I don't understand because I'm just a kid, but maybe if you though about how much you loved your wife, and less time feeling sorry for yourself, you might be able to move on."

Carpainter looked at Ness startled; he was both singed by the boys' words and surprised at their apparent maturity.

"Anyway," Ness said, "What do I know, I'm just a kid. Could I have the key to Paula's cell please?"

"...Yes..." Carpainter said, "Take the keys and go..." He handed Ness the key and the boy began to leave. "And Ness... I'm sorry."

X X X X X X X X

Outside the chapel, Ness took in the blue sky and the summer air. They seemed somehow fresher with Carpainter defeated. The blue aura around the chapel was gone as well. Looking suddenly to his right, Ness caught sight of Pokey, standing hesitantly off to the side of the stairs and looking penitent.

"It looks like everyone woke up." He said.

"Yes..." Ness said hesitantly. Of all the peopl he had seen in Happy Happy Village, Pokey was the only one that seemed to be there of his own accord and in his right mind.

"Ness, I'm sorry... I didn't mean anything that I said... Please forgive me?"

Ness nodded absently. "Of course, Pokey."

"Good." Pokey said, as he slowly backed away from Ness. "Like I said, I didn't mean anything I said... well, except for that stuff about your dog. I did do that... And..." he took a few more steps before he said, "EVERYTHING ELSE!!! HAA!!! I WAS LYING!! LATER POTATER!!!" and with that he ran off.

Ness noticed Pokey run, but his mind was elsewhere, he was staring at a man who was staring into a cave, a very dark cave, whose darkness devoured the light of the man's flashlight in a very familiar way...

X X X X X X X X

Needless to say, Paula was ecstatic, and the first thing she did was hug Ness until he thought he'd pop. She was taller than Ness in that awkward way that teenage girls are taller than boys their own age, and she seemed to bubble over with cheerfulness as she talked. Ness liked her immediately. She grew somber when he told her about the details of his exploits.

"I wonder sometimes..." She shaid, "If I could have done something to help her..."

"Do you know Lifeup?" Ness asked.

"Lifeup?" Paula replied, shaking her head.

"Then there's nothing you could have done." Ness said.

Perhaps it was silly but that made her feel better. Granted the weight of long held guilt doesn't disappear like that, but for some reason Paula couldn't quite place Ness' words did a lot to ease the burden, as if he was offering to help her bear the weight of the memory. She was snapped out of her reverie when Ness called to her, already at the door of the cabin, to come on.

"Where are we going?" Paula asked.

"I'm taking you home." Ness said.

"I've heard that there are dangerous things in Peaceful Rest Valley..." Paula said.

"Yep." Ness replied. "UFO's and fighting trees." he smiled at her. "Don't worry though, I made it through there once, I'll protect you."

"I'm not worried," Paula said with a sunny smile, "I have faith in you. Besides I can use some psychic powers myself that are actually pretty deadly."

"Um..." Ness began hesitantly.

"What is it Ness?" asked.

"Do you know anything about a... well, a prophecy?" Ness asked.

Paula cocked her head.

Ness sighed before he continued, "Have you ever heard of anything called, 'Giygas'?"


	6. What Little Girls Are Made Of

CHAPTER V: What little girls are made of

Up to that point in his adventure, Ness had overcome great odds against impossible enemies, but in this struggle he found himself totally outmatched. John Paul Polestar had once said of his only daughter that if making puppy dog eyes was an art, then Paula was Rembrandt. And so Ness found himself facing down the most formidably pitiful face he had ever laid eyes on.

"...Alright, fine. You can go with me." Ness conceded finally.

"YAY!!" Paula bubbled happily, "Don't worry, I have some small Psychic powers that are actually pretty deadly!"

"Yeah, you mentioned those already..." Ness said. She didn't like using the puppy dog eyes, being manipulative didn't really appeal to her, but that face was something that came to her so naturally that she often had to make a conscious effort not to make it. Besides, she felt that she needed to go with Ness, she owed him that much for rescuing her and Paula had a hunch that she was the girl in that prophecy Ness had told her about.

"Do you have a weapon?" Ness asked.

"A weapon?" Paula echoed.

"Yeah," Ness said, "Like a bat or a golf club or something."

Paula shook her head.

"Ok, I'll take care of it then." Ness said. He too was fairly certain that Paula was the girl spoken of by prophecy, but after all that he had met with on his journey he felt that she would be safer at home. But more than that, he was not at all keen on suggesting to her father that he let his only daughter travel alone with a strange boy to face God knows what dangers, much less breaking the bad news to the over-protective man should anything happen to Paula. They went to the drug store where Ness looked about a bit for a suitable weapon for Paula. He ended up buying her an inexpensive aluminum frying pan.

"I guess this will do." Paula said. She genuinely disliked the idea of hurting anyone or thing, but quietly purposed that she would do what she could to help Ness. She owed him that much.

"I have to call my Dad." Ness said, picking up the receiver on the pay phone. The phone rang a few times before his father's voice mail picked up.

"You've reached the offices of Harris and Smith Brokerage firm, I'm not at my desk at the moment, but If you'll leave me a message I'll get back to you as soon as I possibly can."

Ness looked at the clock mounted on the wall of the general store. Four fifteen. His father would be leaving his office for the hotel about now. There was a beep from the machine and Ness said, "Hey dad, it's Ness, I was just calling to talk... I wanted to tell you a few things but I guess..."

There was a click on the other side of the line and his father picked up the phone.

"Hey there kiddo, how's it hangin'?"

"A little to the left." Ness responded, quoting their mutually favorite Richard Pryor movie.

"So what's up, my man?" His father said.

"Uh... Dad? About the trip I'm on..." Ness said. "Listen, I tried to tell Mom, but she was busy, and I feel bad because I haven't been completely honest with you guys."

"Well, I wouldn't hold it against you, son." His father said, "I'm sure you've got your reasons."

Ness sighed, "Well yeah, but..."

"Listen," Ness' Dad said, "If you can't tell Mom, then why don't you let me break the news to her. In fact, why don't you tell me everything and I'll keep a journal of it for you."

Ness shrugged, "Ok dad, but it's a pretty wild story, I doubt you'll believe it."

His father chuckled, "Try me, kid."

"Ok, I've got everything written down. Well, I was just about to head back to the hotel and hit the hay for the night, what do you have planned?"

Ness thought. "Well I think I found the second sanctuary. I'm gonna go after it."  
"WAHAHAHAHA!" His dad laughed, "You sound like your mother, always workin' hard. I don't think it's good to work TOO hard, you could strain yourself. Oh, by the by, I've raised your allowance and I'm going to be making regular deposits into your account. I've actually already made one, and... well how much did you spend on that new stuff you just bought? Oh, right, well taking away what you've spent you've got about three hundred in the bank."

"Three hundred?!" Ness gaped.

"Well, yeah, you need traveling money!" His father laughed.

"But Dad, where is this money coming from?!"

"I called in a favor or two. Anyway, I'm financing the preservation of the whole planet, I think I can afford a little generosity, don't you think? Later big guy." Click, BEEEEEEP.

X X X X X X X X

Ness hesitated at the entrance of the cave for a time, remembering the near death experience that had been the Giant Step. Presently he furrowed his brow, set his jaw and stepped resolutely into the darkness, Paula followed with considerably less gusto.

Immediately after their entry Paula began to second guess herself. After all, she had no fighting experience at all, and had no idea what to expect in this place. Immediately after that there was the sound of scuffling from somewhere in front of them. Ness edged forward when a brownish blur sprang forward from just outside of the glow of the sound stone. The mole savagely attacked the smallest and least threatening member of the group, and Paula's teddy bear lost an ear in the skirmish. Satisfied that its opponent had been subdued, the mole turned towards bigger game. Paula found her legs were rooted to the spot. She instinctively raised her arms to cover her face as the mole leaped snarling towards her. Instead of the rending of flesh Paula heard the crack of Ness' bat and the awkward whimper of the mole as it went flying into the wall of the cave.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Ness asked her uncertainly.  
"Y-yes..." Paula stammered in response. Ness eyed her carefully for a moment before shrugging and continuing on into the cave. She walked timidly after him, chiding herself for her weakness. She was supposed to help him, not get in the way. It was then that Paula decided that she would not need protection again.

The second mole had help in the form of another mole and two bats. It was as if they were actively seeking to do the pair harm as they trudged through the darkness. The moles were easily felled by two mighty swings of Ness' bat, but the cave bats proved too quick for Ness to bat. Paula concentrated and held up her hand, abruptly cooling the air around her hand she hurled a blast of icy wind at the first bat, freezing its wings solid. After sizing up the situation the second bat felt a bit strange indeed and flew directly into a wall in its hasty retreat.

"Thanks, Paula." Ness said as the pair continued on.

The cave was dark, with large pools of silvery water lying still as mirrors. They reflected the myriad of spiny stones that hung from the ceiling. Ness and Paula marveled at the beauty of the place. So lost in thought were they both that Ness failed to notice the slipperiness of the downward slope ahead and they both tumbled down into a depression of sorts that sat in the center of the large cavern. It was then that Ness realized three things. First, was that this place, Lilliput steps as it was called, was a bear's den. The second thing he realized was that even though it was summer, all the bears were inside the cave. The third and by far most disturbing was the fact that every single bear in the den was under the control of the Universal Cosmic Destroyer.

The mighty bears attacked, bearing their glistening fangs and glaring with their white eyes. Ness, never one to be intimidated sprang forward, momentarily forgetting that he had a companion. He clubbed the first bear soundly, which disoriented it momentarily before it retaliated with a mighty swipe of its paws. Ness was sent sprawling into a rock wall just in time to see a bear poised to strike Paula. The full force of its blow shredded the remains of her teddy bear to fluff and it prepared to finish her off. Ness knew he couldn't make it in time, but he purposed to try. He hurled himself across the cavern as the bear swiped, and Paula narrowly dodged the attack. The bear's claws shredded her shoulder and she was flung backwards several feet, but she escaped a fatal blow. Ness was at her side in an instant, muttering, "Lifeup!". As her wounds closed he turned to see the bears advancing in ranks, a veritable chorus line of doom.

"I'm sorry..." He heard Paula whisper.

Ness looked at her, confounded.

"I'm just getting in the way..." She sniffed.

_Oh no..._ Ness thought, _She's about to cry..._ "It's ok!" He said, trying desperately to calm her down. But cry Paula did, though not in the way that Ness expected. Instead of the frightened bawling tears of a little girl, Paula forced the angry frustrated tears out of narrowed eyes. Her brow furrowed, her countenance determined, she stood and faced the oncoming bears. She lifted a hand and snapped her fingers sending a bright spark directly into the middle of the first row.

"PSI FIRE ALPHA!!!" She cried. The spark erupted into a wreath of flame shooting outwards and consuming everything. The assailants all scattered, with low pitched whimpering and the smell of charred fur. Paula repeated the spectacle twice more and the army of angry bears was reduced to a small pack of mildly agitated ones that Ness quickly dispatched with his bat.

He looked at Paula incredulously.

"Apology accepted!" He said.

X X X X X X X X

Paula sat down, exhausted. She had never made such strenuous use of her powers before. And she had never been in such a dangerous situation before. Well, with the exception of her captivity at the hands of Carpainter. She glanced at Ness. He stood, gazing about the cave. He didn't even seem tired! He glanced back at her.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Yes." she responded, "Just a bit winded, is all."

Ness nodded and went back to looking out. Paula stared at him carefully. Something about Ness was out of place; it had been bothering her since the two had met. As she stared harder, she realized it. Ness had no aura. He was psychic, Paula knew, his healing powers demonstrated as much. But even if he had no PSI, he should still generate some kind of mental energy, everyone did. But when she looked at Ness it was as if there was nothing. She had felt his energy when he had used Lifeup, but even then it was as if it had come out of no where. It was as if Ness had some sort of invisible wall around him that kept his energy bottled up inside, until he needed it. It was the same with his thoughts.

Normally, Paula wasn't one to pry into other people's minds, but even so the thoughts and feelings at the surface were communicated to her very clearly. It was like the background noise of conversation in a crowded room. But with Ness there was nothing, silence. It was rather nice.

X X X X X X X X

Ness ducked around the stalagmite and carefully eyed the exit. He could see the sunlight streaming into the cave, and he heard the resonance of the sanctuary, but there was no guardian in sight.

"Ness..." Paula whispered, "What are we waiting for?"

"I can't see the guardian." Ness said, "I don't want to be caught off guard..."

"Guardian? What do you mean by that?" She asked, alarmed.

Ness shrugged, "There was a giant ant guarding the last sanctuary. I had to kill it."

"Oh." Paula said. "Well, that doesn't seem so bad, how big was it?"

Ness thought for a moment. "I dunno, fifteen feet tall maybe more." he said nonchalantly.

Paula's eyes went wide.

"But hey," Ness added, sensing her trepidation, "between the two of us we can probably take whatever's up ahead. If it's anything at all." After a few more minutes Ness decided that the coast was clear and the pair approached the cave's exit. It was about then that the guardian made himself known.

The voice was high pitched and seemed to come from everywhere. "This is the second 'Your Sanctuary' location. But it's mine now. Take it from me; IF YOU DARE!" There followed a long silence.

Ness spoke, "Hey, guardian! Show yourself!"

Resounding laughter was the only reply.

"We don't want to hurt you!" Paula called, "But we will if we have to!"

"What's this? Me hears a pretty girl with the chosen boy!" the voice responded. "Is she pretty? Is she pretty? Mmmm, pretty girls taste GOOD!!!"

"Don't listen to him." Ness whispered, "He's trying to scare you."

Paula shook her head, she was not afraid, at least not for herself. Their brush with the bears had showed her that between Ness' physical prowess and her PSI they could hold their own against any obstacle.

"You're a lot more chatty than that dumb ant was!" Ness called, trying to provoke the unseen guardian into action.

"You kill Titanic Ant, kill comrade. If I no kill you, Master angry. Master punish me. I kill you."

There was a sudden explosion of dirt as a huge creature emerged from under the ground. Ness shoved Paula out of harms way as the giant mole brought its massive shovel claws to bear. The boy parried the first blow, but the sheer force brought him to one knee. The mondo mole gave a swift sideways swipe that sent Ness sailing across the cavern. The mole grinned with his sharp, square, rodent teeth and patted his bulging pot belly.

"Tasty, tasty." He said before charging Paula who retaliated with a blast of icy wind.

"DROO! Scary scary!" The mole said as it leaped to the side. It then burrowed back into the ground.

"Where did he go?!" Ness called, looking around. The Mondo Mole erupted from the ground once again to his immediate rear, ready to tear the boy to shreds. Ness spun and struck with all his might. The mole was thrown backwards only a few feet and decided to renew the assault.

"PSI shield!" The mole screached, his body instantly wreathed in a pale orb of light. Ness leaped atop a high outcropping, Mondo Mole nipping at his heals. He stopped at a dense cluster of stalagmites and turned to engage his foe. The rock formations hampered Mondo Mole's mobility significantly, but Ness still had a hard time as his enemy's shield made each strike feel as though Ness were swinging his bat through molasses. Paula, meanwhile, decided to help Ness in any way she could and hurled a blast of fire at the mole. It struck, filling the cave with the smell of charred fur; but the smoke from the explosion briefly disoriented Ness and Mondo Mole took advantage. Ness felt the Moles huge clawed arm smash into his head as he was sent flying across the cavern. He saw a furry blur whiz past him as the mole caught hold of a stalactite an used its momentum to spin kick the boy with both feet. Ness tumbled in the soft, soggy earth, dazed when he saw the mole hurtling towards him yet again. There was a sudden flash of pink as Paula stepped between them and blasted the Mole once more with fire. Though her attack slowed it down the Mondo Mole kept coming. Ness had to think quickly, he had to stop the mole that was not ten feet from tearing Paula apart. He could not use Rockin', as Paula was directly in his path of fire. He racked his brain for something, anything, and his brain responded in fine style. Concentrating his PSI he could suddenly see the Mole's nervous system, a network of sparks that coursed through its body.

"PSI Paralasys!" Ness yelled as he dashed forward. He tackled Paula just as the Mole's claws sailed limply over both their heads, missing them by mere inches. There was a loud crash and a groan from Mondo Mole.

"Are you ok?" Ness asked Paula.

"Yes..." She replied. "Um... Ness?" She asked, blushing.

"Wow!" Ness exclaimed. "We really got him!"

"That's great... Um... Ness?"

"What's up?"

"You can get off of me now." Paula said.

X X X X X X X X

Tiny footprints. That's what they were.

"Oh, I get it. Lilliput steps. That's very clever." Paula said.

Ness said nothing as he held the sound stone above the tiny footprints. The melody of Giant's step abruptly continued and stopped. For a brief moment Ness saw a small baby clinging to his mother's shoulders. A man approached from behind with sneeking steps and quietly placed a red cap on the baby's head. The mother turned and playfully scolded her husband as the vision faded.

"Ness... Ness?" Paula was saying.

"Sorry." Ness said opening his eyes.

"What did you see?" She asked.

"I think it was... me." Ness said. He turned to leave.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Author's Note: This was a very short chapter, I may expand it later. In response to a question someone asked me, Ness and Paula are both thirteen in this story but Paula is still taller than him. I remember that when I was thirteen a lot of the girls I knew were an inch or two taller than me. Maybe I'm just short.


	7. The Bluegrass Interlude

CHAPTER VI: Bluegrass Interlude

"I think I want a closer look at him."

"You sure? He took out my five best guys."

"No, he took out Onett PD's five best guys. Well, four best, the other he intimidated half to death."

"Be that as it may, you shouldn't risk getting too close, given our directives."

"I won't be getting too close."

"I've heard that one before."

"Really."

"You're going to make contact, aren't you?"

"So what if I am?"

"That's not a smart move..."

"What are you my mother?"

"Look just be careful."

"Yeah, whatever, you just watch things on your end. You know what I mean."

"The mother hasn't made a move yet. She's very cautious."

"You think she knows that we're watching her?"

"I know she knows. How much she knows is still an open question."

"Well, good luck with that, then."

"You be careful."

"Thanks MOM."

X X X X X X X X X X

"No." Mr. Polestar said emphatically. "I'm not going to have my only daughter running around with some random kid, especially after everything that's happened."

Ness expected this. John Polestar was loathe to let his daughter go to the movies with friends, Paula often had to resort to begging just to attend a birthday party. And even though Mrs. Polestar was on one accord with her husband, she understood the fact that the fate of the world was at stake.

"But Dad!" Paula pleaded, making use of her best puppy dog face.

"No, and that's final." He said, making a conscious effort not to meet his daughter's pitiful gaze.

Ness simply stood in the doorway feeling awkward. These people were strangers to him after all. Hell, he'd barely known Paula for a full day. He was not about to get pulled into their family debate.

Paula gave her mother a pleading look.

"Honey, perhaps we could try to see it from Paula's perspective." Mrs. Polestar said.

"I said No, Susan. I'm done talking about this." He said as he began reading the day's newspaper with finality.

It was then Ness' turn to get a pleading look from Paula. He simply shrugged his shoulders and gave her a look that said, "What do you want me to do?" and quietly excused himself saying something about having to check in.

"What? Nonesense!" Mrs. Polestar exclaimed, "After everything you've done for us you are NOT staying at some over priced hotel. Our home is your home Ness Harris! Isn't it dear?"

Mr. Polestar looked up from his paper and gave his wife an exasperated scowl. He was grateful to the boy to be sure, but he wasn't quite sure he liked the way Paula looked at him. It was a million years too early for her to discover boys, no matter what virtues of bravery and courage Ness extolled. Then the more rational portion of his mind realized that he was being an ungracious bastard and relented.

"Of course, Ness, You're welcome. But, you have to sleep on the couch in the den!"

Ness let out an awkward chuckle. He appreciated Mrs. Polestar's generous hospitality, but inwardly cursed her for foiling his attempted escape. He looked around for Paula, and when he didn't see her he said, "I have some things I have to do..." and turned to go out the door.

"Alright, hurry back!" Mrs. Polestar called after him, "Dinner will be ready soon!"

Ness hadn't actually had any real business to attend to, he felt he should thank Apple Kid for his assistance but more than that he had simply wanted to escape for an hour or two.

He walked south from the Polestar's house and knocked on Apple Kid's door a few times. There was no answer, so he decided to keep walking. He paused, and turned around to see a man in a suit sitting casually on a Honda Metropolitan. Ness disliked him immediately.

"'sup." he said, smacking on a piece of gum.

"Not much..." Ness said more than a little warily. There was something unusual about the man.

"So you're Ness, Huh?" the man said.

Ness' eyes narrowed slightly. "And you are...?"

The man chuckled, then laughed. "Call me 'N', it's nice to meet you finally. So you saved Paula, huh? Brought down a whole cult too, well that's just fine. Just fine."

"What do you want?" Ness asked.

The man tapped the side of his sunglasses casually. "Nothin'." he said, "Just wanted to say hi." He smirked, revved his scooter and rode away.

"That was... odd." Ness said aloud.

When he returned to the Polestar residence, he could hear the sound of clanking pots and clinking dishes, and the smell, dear GOD the smell; his mouth was instantly watering. It reminded Ness that he hadn't had anything to eat besides some nacho flavored Goritos and a honey bun back in Happy Happy Village.

The scent of baked chicken and marinara sauce lured him to the kitchen where he saw Mrs. Polestar was busily cooking up a feast. Paula sat on a nearby counter chatting into the phone. Ness noticed every now and again she would say some word or phrase that was clearly not English.

"So, Mr. Ness, did you take care of your business?" Mrs. Polestar asked.

"Um... no." Ness responded. "Apple kid wasn't home."

"Apple kid?" She said, "Paula, wasn't that the nice young man that took you out on that date?"

"What? No Mom." Paula said, slightly indignant, "That was Orange kid. And it wasn't really a date, Dad came to the theater and dragged me home after only fifteen minutes." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "No, Em" she said into the reciever, "that was my mom."

"Paula, why don't ask Emily if she'd like to come over for dinner? I've cooked more than enough." Mrs. Polestar suggested. She closed the oven that she had been standing over and left the kitchen, motioning for Ness to follow. She lead him to the living room where she sat next to her husband.

"Have a seat." Mr. Polestar said, indicating the couch across from them. As Ness sat, he envisioned Mr. And Mrs. Polestar giving him the obligatory 'what are your intentions for my daughter' speech.

Mr. Polestar cleared his throat. "What are your intentions for my daughter?" he asked gravely.

Ness blinked incredulously. "Wow, I really am psychic..." he muttered to himself. He looked up quickly. "I don't really know. I mean, she can go with me if she wants, but that's really up to her." he said. "And you guys, of course." he added quickly.

Mr. Polestar just continued to eye him and look intimidating, but after facing down Carpainter, and the Mondo Mole, and a horde of bears, Ness was finding Mr. Polestar to be far less scary than he had initially appeared.

Mr. Polestar took a deep breath. "There are plenty of people out there who would like to exploit my daughter's talents. Just look at that Carpainter guy. Frankly Ness, I'm not entirely sure that I can trust you with Paula's safety. I think you've shown yourself to be trustworthy by bringing her back, and you have our thanks; but if everything you say about your journey and this Giygas character are true, well, then I'd have to be out of my mind to let my thirteen year old daughter go and fight some Universal Cosmic Destroyer, now wouldn't I?"

Ness' brow furrowed slightly, "With all due respect Mr. Polestar, I think Paula can take care of herself. She handled herself okay against those bears." He said.

Mr. Polestar's eyes went wide. "Bears?!"

Mrs. Polestar sighed. When relating the story of their adventure to her parents, Paula had neglected to mention their trip to Lilliput steps. John Paul was about to get angry, and it was time for her to play the mediator.

"What, prey tell, were you two doing getting tangled up with BEARS?!" Mr. Polestar was raising his voice.

Ness shrugged, "It's not as if they were any more dangerous than that cult, or that giant mole."

"What mole?!" Mr. Polestar said.

_Jesus Paula_, Ness thought, _How much did you not tell them?!_

"John." Mrs. Polestar said with a firm, but calm voice. "Ness," she said, "you may think we're being over protective, but you have to understand, this isn't the first time someone has tried to kidnap Paula. Granted, it's the first time anyone's succeeded, but we just don't want to risk losing her."

"And what's wrong with YOUR parents," Mr. Polestar snapped, "Letting you wander around doing as you please?!"

That did it with Ness. "_My_ parents," he said with a calm, yet very angry voice, "trust me, and they know that one day I'm going to grow up. _My_ parents want me to be self reliant because they know they won't be around to wipe my nose my whole life. They also taught me to have backbone and do the right thing, even when it's inconvenient or uncomfortable." He took a deep breath. "I know you want her to be safe, but believe me: She's a lot stronger than both of you think. And right now you should let HER protect YOU for a change."

Something about Ness' words left them both stunned. Mr. Polestar had clearly pissed him off by insulting his parents, but the boy had held his temper and kept his rebuttal respectful. As much as this kid pissed him off, John Paul had to give him credit, Ness had guts.

Susan was surprised at Ness' retort, but more surprised yet at her husband's response.

"Alright. She can go with you." he said. "But I expect you to bring her back safe and sound with not a hair on her head out of place. Are we clear?"

Ness didn't like to make promises he wasn't sure he could keep, but wisely decided against telling them that and simply nodded.

"It's a deal." he said.

"Good." said Mr. Polestar as he slowly stood and left the room.

Though he wouldn't admit it just yet, it was that very night that John Paul Polestar decided that Ness Harris would marry his only daughter. When they both grew up, of course.

X X X X X X X X

After everyone had eaten and said their good nights, Paula lay still in her bed; the events of the past few days refused to let her sleep. She sighed and turned over for the hundredth time when she saw a red glow outside her window. Suddenly she was aware of a tremendous psychic force somewhere outside. Alarmed, Paula carefully approached the window. Looking out she saw a sight that made her mouth gape. There, in her back yard stood Ness. His fists were clenched and his head was bowed in concentration. Luminous energy swirled and sparked around him in a dazzling display. Paula hurriedly slipped on her robe and went downstairs. The energy faded from around Ness as she approached him.

"Couldn't sleep?" he asked her.

She shook her head.

Ness cast his gaze skyward.

"What was that?" Paula asked, "The light show?"

"I couldn't sleep either," he said, "Too much energy."

Paula just continued to stare.

"It's my special attack." Ness explained, "It's called Rockin'."

"It felt... powerful." Paula said.

Ness shrugged, "When I first learned it, I could only do it about three times in a day. Now I'm up to five, four if I do other stuff."

Paula nodded. There was a long pause, before Paula said, "Ness... thanks again for-"

"Don't mention it." Ness cut her off.

Another pause.

"Tell me again, about this prophecy." Paula said.

Ness looked at the stars, "Well, it said that there were three boys and a girl who would defeat Giygas... There was some other stuff, but I wasn't really listening."

"You weren't listening!" Paula exclaimed, "Don't you think that that was an important speech?"

Ness shrugged, "It was a talking bee from the future, I was a little distracted. Why are you asking me this, anyway?"

Paula shrugged. "I think I know where to find the next 'chosen' person."

"Oh yeah?" Ness asked. "How?"

"I'm mildly clairvoyant, I also have some precognitive ability. We'll meet that person in Threed... I think."

Ness nodded. "Threed it is, then."

X X X X X X X X

Eggs. Bacon. Hash browns. Sausage. Pancakes. Waffles. Grapes. Oranges. Apples. Oatmeal. Raisin Bran. Bagels. Toast. Orange Juice. Milk. Yet again Mrs. Polestar had cooked a feast, and Ness was ready to throw down. After grace he began his assault, first on the pancake front, with a generous bit of syrup. He washed it down with a tall glass of milk and then returned to the fray, this time sticking it to the hash browns.

After breakfast Paula set to packing with Ness' help.

"What do you suggest I take?" She asked.

"I think you should travel light. Bring a change of clothes or two, something to sleep in... toothbrush, some soap maybe."

"What about this?" Paula pointed to a cluster of bottles, combs, brushes, and various other hair care products. Ness looked on them like implements of torture.

"I would leave those behind." he said.

"But what about..." Paula began.

"That's what the hat is for."

In the end Paula was able to fit her four most comfortable outfits into a large purse and still had ample room for supplies. She also decided to bring her mother's first aid kit, just in case.

"So. To Threed?" Ness asked.

Paula nodded as they walked to the bus station.

The woman behind the ticket counter, whose name tag proclaimed to be Linda, looked up from her magazine at the pair of adolescents before her.

"Hey there! Where to kiddies?" She asked

"Um... Threed?" Ness said.

"I'm sorry, all buses to Threed have been postponed indefinitely."

"What? Why?!" Ness asked.

Linda checked the schedule in front of her and did a double take, "Um... Apparently because of ghosts?" She turned and shouted into the office to her rear, "Larry! Is this some kind of joke? Ghosts!?"

A squat, slightly balding man replied, "No joke, we've lost two buses already to that tunnel."

The woman looked back at Ness and Paula. "Sorry, Kids."

"Excuse me..." Paula asked the woman, "But when exactly did the Buses get canceled?"

The woman looked at the schedule and said, "About four days ago, why?"

"I thought so..." Paula said quietly to herself.

A tall man in a tight fitting red shirt approached them from the direction of Burglin Park.

"Come with me, Mr. Everdred wants to see you." He said simply.

X X X X X X X X

"You are one amazing little brat, Ness!" Everdred exclaimed by way of greeting.

"I do what I do, I guess." Ness said smiling.

Everdred looked briefly from Ness to Paula and back to Ness again. "Well kiddies, here's the deal. I owe you big time, Ms. Polestar for the time you saved my ass, pardon my language, after that car wreck."

"You don't owe me anything, we've been over this Mr. Everdred." Paula said.

"Let me finish." Everdred said, holding up his hand, "Ness saved your ass, Pardon my language kids, and so now you owe him."

Paula and Ness looked at each other, confused.

"So," Said Everdred with finality, "I'm gonna pay off your debt to Ness and get my ass, pardon my French, out of debt with you. How's that for karma?"

Ness and Paula looked at each other again. "I don't think," Ness began as Everdred pulled a fat wad of cash out of his pocket and laid it on the table, "That you should put a dollar value on- HOLY SHIT!! Erm... Pardon my language."

"Keep it." Everdred said, "I was going to ask you to be my partner Ness, I could use some muscle, but I know you'd say no. You're a bit young for my line of work anyway..."

Paula stammered out the beginnings of a protest before Everdred cut her off.

"Go On! Take it!" He said cheerfully, "I can't keep the money anyway. And besides, I've got my sights set on bigger fish."

X X X X X X X X

Ness exited the cabin, his face a wide grin. Paula followed him, looking troubled. "So, what do you want to buy? I guess we could replace that Teddy bear that got torn up in the cave."

"I have a bad feeling about this." She said, "This isn't right."

"Oh come on!" Ness replied, "He GAVE it to us! It's not like we stole it!"

"No, we didn't" Paula conceded, "But he probably did. And we just can't keep stolen money, it would be wrong!"

Ness groaned. "You're going to make me do the right thing, aren't you?"

Paula nodded, smiling brightly. "We have to give this money to charity. You can still get me that bear, though."

"Of course..." Ness said scowling.

The pair made their way north to the Twoson department store, Paula leading the way with a radiant smile on her face; Ness trailing with a decidedly more mellow countenance. As they passed the Chaos theater, Lucky and Gorgeous of the Runaway Five spotted them.

"Well hey there, kid!" Lucky called. Ness looked up, his face immediately brightened. He had nearly forgotten that the Runaway Five were in town.

Gorgeous grinned at him. Hey, Ness right? Come 'ere." He motioned Ness over who approached curiously.

"I see you're with a girl today! And how are you, little lady?"

"Oh, hello." Paula said.

"I think you deserve a present to help with the 'wooing' wouldn't you agree?" Gorgeous whispered as he slipped two backstage passes into Ness' hand. "These'll get you to first base, no problem!"

Ness gaped. "No... Way... Awesome!! I mean, the tickets, not first... um... Not that I don't... Uh... thanks!"

"Good Luck kid!" Lucky said as Ness fairly skipped off with Paula in tow. The ten thousand dollars in his backpack was now forgotten as Ness gushed all over Paula about the great awesomeness of the Runaway Five. Paula simply nodded patiently, a tiny smirk on her face. Ness found that he really enjoyed having Paula around; she had a certain calmness to her, a slow thoughtful grace that acted as a nice foil to his own reckless enthusiasm.

"So what do you want to do?" She asked Ness when they reached the Department store.

"I require Ice cream!" Ness said epically.

Paula pulled out a small pink teddy bear wallet, examining its contents.

"Nonesense!" Ness protested, "I'm treating!"

"That's not necessary," Paula began.

"What can I say, I'm old fashioned." Ness said, "It's my duty as a man to pick up the check."

Paula shrugged, "My, aren't we chivalrous. I was just going to suggest we go dutch."

"I don't think Holland is known for its ice cream..." Ness said.

"Ness, that's not what going dutch means." Paula said, putting her wallet back into her purse.

"I know that." Ness said, "It was a... joke..."

Paula patted his head, "I know, Ness, I know."

Ness made a show of sulking, though his mood was far too cheerful to be any good at it.

Three hours of walking, talking, and window shopping later, Ness' stomach began to growl. "So... lunch?"

"Sure," Paula agreed, "Where?"

Ness looked around the food court. "Luigi's is pretty good."

Paula shook her head. "I make it a point not to eat Italian food in too many consecutive meals. I have to watch my girlish figure after all."

Ness looked around. "Burger Duchy?"

Paula scrunched her face. "I'm not a big fan of that place. Too many calories."

"Steak In?" Ness suggested.

"...maybe." said Paula.

"Wow, finicky much? I'll tell you what. You get what You want, and I'm going over to that Casa Bandito."

Ness was gone before Paula could warn him. The last time she had eaten there, it had made her very VERY sick. Oh well, she thought as she headed over to Mall Wok, the generic Asian food place.

Paula sat there, chop sticks dangling from her hand in disbelief as she stared at the feast of cheap, greasy, Mexican food Ness was in the process of wolfing down. Three tamales, two Burritos, four tacos, and a plate of enchiladas with a side of rice.

"You're a monster." Paula said, "How do you... eat so much?" She asked in awe.

"Metabolism." Ness said around a mouth full of taco.

Paula shook herself out of the stupor and turned her attention to her piping hot bowl of spicy shrimp ramen. She slurped it luxuriously, reveling in the fact that, for once, she could abandon all manners and enjoy her ramen the way it was meant to be eaten. It took her a while to notice that Ness was laughing at her. "What?" She asked.

"Nothing," Ness said, "I just thought that maybe you and the noodles ought to get a room. Are they really that good?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact they are." Paula said.

"Mind if I try?" Ness said.

Paula did a double take. Ness was already almost finished with his meal. "You're still hungry after all that food?" she asked.

Ness shrugged, "Just want to try it, is all. I've never eaten at that place."

"...Fatty." Paula said.

Ness looked himself over. "Thanks, I have to go throw up now."

"That isn't funny." Paula said, "I know people that are bulimic."

"So do I." Ness said, "Pokey tried it for a while."

The mental image of Pokey sticking his finger down his throat made them both snicker. But after a time a more somber expression came to Paula's face.

"He went to Threed." Paula said.

"Yeah, Elaine told me." Ness replied.

"He's going to cause trouble." Paula said.

"Hence our going there." Ness said.

"He has the statue." Paula continued.

"I would imagine that's why the tunnel is filled with ghosts." Ness said.

There was a longish pause where each of them thought of ways to change the subject. "Do you come here often?" Ness asked.

"Not as often as I'd like," Was Paula's reply. "Mostly I just stay home and help with the kindergarten."

"Why don't you come here more?" was Ness' obvious question .

"My parents won't let me."

"Really?" Ness said, "Why's that?"

Paula shrugged, "Everyone here knows me, knows what I can do. We normally don't get much peace with all the tabloids besieging our house all the time... My parents are a bit... over protective. You know how Parents are."

Ness shrugged. "Not really. My parents had me running errands for them alone at eight." he rubbed his chin ponderously, "but maybe they're just irresponsible."

Paula nodded. "Maybe."

"Geeze! I can barely sit still!" Ness said. Their conversation had drifted from this to that but it had always come back to the one thing on his mind. Paula didn't mind terribly, it was actually entertaining to watch him spontaneously throw his arms in the air in jubilation, that wide squinty grin on his face. A thought occurred to her. "I've never been to the Chaos theater before." Paula observed.

Ness cocked his head inquisitively, "Really? Why not?"

Paula shrugged. "Parents-"

"Oh, Right." Ness cut her off. "That's kinda dumb. I mean, they should at least let you live a little. Do they EVER allow you to have fun?

"I suppose they have a different idea of 'fun' than I do." Paula said.

"That's not healthy." Ness said with conviction. "They ought to let you grow up sometime."

Paula shrugged. "It's weird. Sometimes, I feel like I have grown up. Like I've never had a chance to really be a child. But to my parents I'll always be the same little girl."

There was a pause.

"Have they even given you 'the talk' yet?" Ness asked and then laughed.

Paula fidgeted a bit. She said nothing.

Ness looked at her inquisitively.

Paula fidgeted more. Still silent.

Ness gaped, unbelieving.

Paula averted her eyes, embarrassed.

"NO!" She shouted quietly. Well, as quietly as anyone can shout.

Ness had another fit of laughter, despite Paula's glare.

"What?" Ness asked with a chuckle, "You have to admit it's pretty funny!"

"Grow up, Ness." Paula replied indignantly.

"They NEVER talked to you about it?" he asked again.

Paula shrugged. "It's never come up."

Ness tried his best to look somber before saying in what he hoped was a grave manner, "Well, you see Paula, when a man loves a woman he gets certain feelings..."

Paula had to give a laugh at this.

Ness shrugged, "It's ok, Paula." He said, "My parents didn't technically give me the talk either."

"They didn't?" Paula asked hopefully.

"No," Ness said, "It was more like my dad chucking an anatomy book at my head and telling me to 'figure it out'."

Paula smiled. "Nice save."

"Huh?" Ness was surprised.

"I was about to kick you in the shin." Paula said.

"Did it bother you that much?" Ness asked.

"Well, you were being kind of a jerk." Paula said.

"But you were laughing." He said.

Paula looked innocently at the ceiling. "Me? Laugh at such crude humor? Never!"

Ness couldn't resist, he grabbed Paula's cheeks and pulled them into an involuntary smile.

"Stop that!" Paula said, an edge of laughter in her voice.

Ness pulled her cheeks into a frown.

"Come on Paula, don't be such a grumpy face!"

"Will your corniness never end?"

"The only cure is a good concert!" Ness exclaimed indicating the backstage passes.

Paula smirked at him. "Are you sure it's the concert? Or maybe the getting to first base?"

Ness' eyes widened. "You heard that?"

"No." She replied, "But I am psychic, remember?"

Ness raised an eyebrow. "So then you know everything I'm thinking?"

"No, it doesn't work like that." Paula said, sipping on her lemonade. "Unless the person is concentrating really hard, I can really only get a vague sense of what a person is thinking. Surface impressions, feelings, things like that."

Ness nodded.

"And, for whatever reason, it doesn't seem to work on you."

"Really?" Ness asked, "Good, good..." Ness said, anchoring his fists on his hips in the classic super hero pose. "Then my secret identity is safe."

Paula giggled. "Secret identity?"

"Why yes!" Ness said, "By day I am Ness Harris, mild mannered Psychic super hero. But between the hours of five fifteen and seven a.m. I am 'The Paper Boy', nemesis of neighborhood dogs and rosebushes everywhere!" Ness thought for a while. He had forgotten to tell his boss at the Onett Times that he wouldn't be in for a while. Oh well.

And then they went to the concert.

X X X X X X X X

The concert was spectacular, a display of showmanship that justified Ness' interest in the band. They opened with 'Voo-Doo woman' a New Orleans style jam session that started slow but picked up a minute and a half into the song and turned out to be a toe tappin' jamboree of sound. They hit hard throughout and ended with 'Money on my Mind'.

Paula's reaction was less than enthusiastic.

"Wasn't that great?! Wasn't that awesome?!" Ness was a rocket waiting to blast off.

Paula shrugged. "It was good, to be sure... but this kind of music just isn't my cup of tea."

Ness gaped at her. "My GOD woman! Don't you have any soul?!"

"Yes," Paula replied calmly, "I do have a soul. I don't see what it has to do with my tastes in music..."

"That's not what I-" Ness began.

"I know." She said.

"Well then what kind of music DO you like?" Ness asked.

Paula shrugged, "Rock, mostly. Some J-Pop. Techno."

"J-Pop, Techno, Bah!" Ness scoffed, "The music of peasants! Now blues, REAL blues, is the fanfare of kings. Besides, don't you know that rock is the rebellious grandchild of the Blues movement?"

Paula shrugged. "I didn't hate it, I just have different tastes than you."

"I'll pray for you, wayward lamb." Ness said, "Come on." He fairly dragged her to the door leading backstage.

There was a flurry of talking and some hyperventilation on Ness' part, until Paula asked them where they would be performing next.

"Right here at Chaos." Lucky said.

"And after that?" Paula asked.

"Chaos." Was Gorgeous' reply.

"Let's just say," Cyote Jim the sax player said, "We're gonna be playin' Chaos for a long, long time."

"That's AWESOMENESS! I can come to every... wait, no I can't." Ness said upon realizing that he would be leaving the area soon. "Why are you guys staying here so long? Twoson's a nice town and all, but it isn't THAT great. Is it because of the ghosts?"

"Hardly." Lucky sighed. "We don't ever let the dead stop us from rockin' the house, kid. The living are much more our problem."

"You know 'Money on my Mind'? Where do you think we got the lyrics to that song?" Miles, the bassist said. "Lucky manages the money and he's HORRIBLE at it. We're always in debt. And the worst part is, he's the most frugal out of the whole band!"

They all nodded in shame.

"So..." Paula asked hesitantly. "How much do you owe."

"...ten... thousand."

Ness blinked. "Say again?"

"Ten thousand." Lucky repeated.

Ness looked at Paula, a wide smile on his face.

"No... way..." Paula said.

"Yeah," Lucky said, "We make that in royalties, but we also spend that in living expenses."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much." Ness said cheerfully. "I'll take care of it."

"Are you serious, little man?" Was Lucky's incredulous response. "You've got that kind of dough?"

"Does a bass have four strings?" Ness asked. "I just want to know, do you really think you could get past the ghosts in that tunnel?"

"I know we can." Lucky said.

"Then sit tight." said Ness, "I'll be right back." He was met with curious stares all around. "Um... Which way to the manager's office?"

The manager was a stout man with a stouter cigar protruding from his mouth. He stared impatiently across his desk at the two children who had come to talk to him.

"Young man, I have no time for games." he said.

"No game." Ness replied, "I want to buy the Runaway Five's contract."

The manager looked from the strange boy to the novelty girl he had in tow. "Would you happen to have ten thousand dollars with which to buy said contract?"

Ness shrugged. "Yeah." He proceeded to pull out the wad of cash he had gotten from Everdred earlier in the day.

The manager gaped. His eyes narrowed. Then he shrugged. "Fine. They're free to go."

X X X X X X X X

"ALL ABOARD!!" Lucky called cheerfully.

Ness and Paula shuffled aboard the old black tour bus and stowed their belongings under the seats. Ness had only his backpack, which held a few changes of clothes and his trusty baseball bat. Paula carried everything she needed in her ridiculously overstuffed purse.

The bus rumbled to life and backed out into the street with a thump.

"Dammit sidewalk! Get outta my way!"

Ness slid into his seat next to Paula. "What do you suppose the odds were that all this stuff should happen?" He asked.

"What stuff Ness?" Paula asked him, studying the map intently.

"Well," Ness said, "When I was trying to rescue you, there was this giant iron pencil statue blocking my way, and Apple kid invented a machine to get rid of it. Then it just so happened that the next sanctuary I needed to visit was right by where you were being held prisoner, and now this: Everdred gives us the exact amount of money we need to bail the runaway five out." He paused, thinking, "Not to mention the fact that they seem to be our only chance to get any further. Are we just lucky or what?"

Paula was quiet for a while, still studying the map. "Ness, there's no such thing as luck, at least not in my experience. I don't believe in it."

"So what would you call it?" Ness asked, "Fate?"

"No." Paula said, "I call it providence."

Ness shrugged, "You think God is behind all this?"

Paula looked up from the map. "That's what my parents would say."

"That's not a very good reason to believe something, Paula." Ness said.

Paula shifted her attention back to the map. "I know. I've never been out from under my parents before, so I've never really had a chance to figure it out on my own."

"Hmm. Well, I guess this is your chance!" Ness said. Paula only nodded absently.

Ness stood and squeezed out into the middle aisle of the bus. He swayed and staggered to the front of the bus as it weaved through traffic.

"Hey, Lucky. Um, about the tunnel leading out of town... I know it sounds weird but..."

"Yeah, ghosts. I heard kid. Not to worry. If there's one immutable fact I've learned it's that ghosts hate the blues."

Lucky's sporadic driving calmed as they proceeded down highway 101 and neared the tunnel. After they passed the last exit they found that they were the only vehicle on the road.

"You kids ready to rock?" Lucky asked as he turned the stereo up to full blast. The bus tore through the tunnel blaring 'Old School Johnny' and putting an army of restless souls to flight.

"What'd I tell ya?" Lucky said.

Ness turned to Paula, "Now THAT is soul power."


	8. Dusk of the Dead

Chapter VII: Dusk of the Dead

Candle light. While soft, it gave the house an eerie atmosphere which, the current situation notwithstanding, Marie Dodgeson found more than a little creepy.

She sighed.

There were slightly more pressing matters at hand, slightly being the operative word. Harold, her husband, entered the kitchen carrying a can of peas. He forced a stress tainted smile and handed it to her.

"I found this in the cellar." he said.

Marie lit the small portable stove, and began to prepare dinner. "I don't know how long the food is going to last." she whispered to Harold. "Do... Do you think that this is happening all over the world?" She wondered desprately.

Harold shook his head and held her comfortingly. "It'll be alright..." He whispered.

There were six of them. They sat around a table and ate as cheerily as they could, given the circumstances. Edmund, the elderly owner of the house tried to make conversation in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood.

"Do you suppose that this is happening in other places?" Marie repeated her question.

"I hope not." Gary, a thirty something plummer said. "I wanna live to see thirty three."

"Everyone..." Laura, Harold and Marie's sixteen year old daughter said, "I think I hear someone..."

The room was filled with apprehension as twelve ears strained to hear...

"HELP! HELP ME!!"

It was a child. And it wasn't long before he was banging on the door with force and terror. Marie started to the door, but Harold held her back. He was trembling.

"We don't know who's out there!! It could be more of..." He gulped, "THEM!"

Marie gave him an exasperated look. Seeing this, Harold relented, grabbed a crowbar and went to the door. He opened it carefully, expecting to be momentarily blinded by the blazing daylight, but his eyes were instead met with darkness. Odd, there was no cloud cover, and it was still only six. The sun shouldn't set for another hour or so... He quickly ushered the boy inside.

"They were chasing me." the boy Phillip said around a mouthful of pasta. "They were scary... rotting... they smelled like... Almonds."

"Where'd you come from?" Marie asked.

"Third street." The boy said. "I was hiding at my school when..."

There was a low moan from the doorway.

"Harold..." Marie said through clenched teeth, "Please tell me you remembered to close the door!"

Laura leaned back in her seat and saw a zombie standing in the doorway, glaring at her.

"Oh... SHIT!" she said.

The walking corpse let out a blood curdling scream and charged the girl; and got a face full of crow bar. Harold was about to dash to the door and bolt it shut when he saw the undead reinforcements shambling into the doorway in force. "RUN!" He shouted before dashing up the stairs. He stumbled, fell. He scrambled to his feet, dropping his crowbar, and was in the bathroom before his brain registered that there were no windows for escape.

Footsteps coming up the stairs behind him.

He kicked the door shut and locked it, cowering next to the toilet. He heard his wife and daughter, pounding on the door. He didn't move, couldn't move. There was screaming. They were screaming, screaming for him to open the door. Whump! Whump! There was the sound of rending flesh, a tortured moan, and then silence. He was panting. He was sweating. He heard another sound; panting, not his own, but coming from the other side of the door. Then a sound that scared him more than the onslaught of the living dead.

"Harold!" It was his wife. She sounded alive. And very, VERY pissed.

Harold meekly opened the door to his wife's glare. She was panting. In her hand she held his crowbar now covered in blood. Laura cowered in the corner, trembling.

"Is... everyone alright?" Harold asked, his voice trembling.

Marie gave him a severe look, as if she would strike him with the crowbar.

Down the stairs, they found Edmund. He stared blankly at Margaret, his wife. She hadn't shared their fortune. Edmund looked up at them as they approached, his eyes misty.

"Will you..." he said, "Will you help me..." He choked on the words, cleared his throat, and tried to force them. They refused to come.

"Yes." Marie said, "We'll help you... bury her."

Margaret's hand twitched and she slowly stood, blood trickling down her slightly opened mouth. Harold's world spun, and he bolted. He ran north, zig zagging through a sparse crowd of zombies rushing towards the house. He ran his lungs ragged, he ran until he got to town and kept on going. He ran past the hospital, he ran past the drug store. He would have run forever, had he not seen the tent and the first living people he never expected to see.

X X X X X X X X

It was dark. The kind of late evening semi dark that happens on a cloudy day. He was... Naked. That was a surprise. It was also silent. Jim took in what looked like a darkened hospital room. Where...? He didn't know. How...? he remembered a small sedan flashing into his vision on the road in front of him. Jamming his breaks, and his foot slipping off the pedal. It had been raining, there was a crunch... Well that explained the hospital. Outside his room he found the hallways dark and empty. Not a sound.

Jim discovered that he was on the third floor. The elevators were out; not surprising considering the condition of the lights. Down the stairs and out the door. Almost. Somewhere between the stairwell and the lobby Jim's stomach began making demands. Ten minutes of wandering the halls led him to the cafeteria, and the orange glow of man made light. five people, sitting around a small fire in a metal trash can, arguing quietly amongst themselves. No one saw him enter, so Jim did the polite thing and cleared his throat.

"JESUS!!" a tall man with dark hair shouted. The others stood up with similar alarm. There was an awkward moment where they all studied him closely, before before a short wiry man addressed him.

"Where the hell did you come from?!"

"I was... on the third floor. I just woke up..." He looked around the room. "Where is everyone?" he asked.

"You don't know?" A woman said to him. She was blond, wore a black tube top and cutoff shorts, very cute.

"Know what?" Jim asked. "What's going on? What time is it?"

"Noon." A brunett woman spoke up. "As for what's going on... none of us are really sure." She sighed. "It started about two weeks ago. No one knows why but... the sun went out."

Jim just blinked at her. "It what?"

She shrugged. "It's noon, but there's not a cloud in the sky. Hasn't been all morning. The sun shines, but there's no light. It went on like that for a few days, And that's about when it happened."

"When what happened?" Jim asked.

"The apocalypse." an intellectual looking man spoke up.

"Really now." Jim said. It was all a bit too weird for him.

"No kidding." The blond said, "For whatever reason the town has been attacked by zombies. Which is why I was saying we need to get out of here, and the tunnel is our best bet! It's only six blocks west of here."

"Six blocks out there," The tall man countered, "in the open is like six blocks in front of a firing squad. I'm for staying here."

"We CAN'T stay here." the brunett said, looking somewhat ill, "it's too hard to defend and we're running out of food."

"Um... Hello, new guy here, a little confused. You said what is attacking the city now?" Jim cut in.

"Zombies." the blond repeated.

"Listen, I don't know who you people are, but this is obviously some kind of prank. Now I would really appreciate if someone would tell me the truth on what the hell is going on!" Jim said, raising his voice a little.

"You don't believe us?" The blond whispered urgently, "Then go outside and let them kill you. But if, by chance, you decide to stay here and stay _alive_ then keep your voice the hell down so we don't get EATEN!!"

Jim was silenced by the force of her words. She had spunk. He liked spunk. Jim's admiration was cut short, however, as a low tortured moan was heard outside the boarded up cafeteria door.

"Oh no..." the tall man breathed. There was the sound of multiple shuffling feet, and then a long, tense moment of silence.

"So then it's decided." The blond said at last. "We make for the tunnels."

"No." The brunet said, "We need to go north."

"We can't afford to trust some stupid rumors!" The blond said. "We need to get out of here before it's too late; what we don't need to do is go further into a zombie infested town to meet up with people that we don't know for sure are there!"

There was a general consensus among the group and the brunet sat back down, defeated.

As they prepared to leave the tall man who initially spotted Jim addressed him now, "What's your name?"

"Jim. Jim Miller."

The tall man proceeded to introduce himself as Michael, the wiry man as Scott, the intellectual in the glasses as David, the blond was Bethany, and the brunet Allison.

"Are there... really zombies? Or is this some kind of sick joke?" David said, still unwilling to believe.

"A joke, right. I wish." Michael said. "They're honest to God undead; they eat brains and everything."

The streets were silent as they made their way west. They covered the first two blocks by dashing from the cover of one building to the next. They would be out in th open for the next four, however so they stopped and all huddled in the shadow of a small house, the tunnel within sight.

"So how do we do this?" David asked adjusting his glasses nervously, "It seems to me that the best bet would be to take it at a run."

"I still say we go north." Allison said.

"We should take it slowly," Bethany said, "running will only draw their attention."

"Aren't zombies slow ambling corpses?" Jim asked.

"So far," Bethany answered.

"Then wouldn't our best bet be to run?" he said.

"No." Bethany said.

"Who died and made you George Ramirez?" Alison said.

"...guys..." Michael said.

"What's your problem Allison?" said Bethany.

"I just have a really bad feeling about that tunnel."

"Guys." said Michael again.

"Well unless you're psychic and you forgot to tell us about it..."

There was a gut wrenching shriek and Michael bolted. The rest, dazed looked behind them and saw a sure enough crowd of the undead advancing upon them. Ignoring Bethany's advice they all began to run, and the zombies made chase. The group ran for the tunnel at full speed. And the zombies were gaining on them. The tunnel was getting closer, larger. They were almost there! David felt a cold hand take hold of his shoulder, more hands on his arms, then the distinct feeling of teeth gouging out a piece of his neck. He smelled the scent of decay as the force of a heavy blow to his head forced him to his knees.

Allison ran as fast as she could. She heard scuffling behind her, David let out the beginnings of a mutilated scream. She turned momentarily to see a cluster of zombies and a mass of red. She fought back the urge to retch and forced her legs to continue.

Michael was in front, his long legs had almost gotten him to the tunnel. He thought he saw flashes of light in the darkness and then, _OH GOD!_

Jim heard David's scream as he ran and willed himself not to look back. He heard Michael's scream ahead and saw the ranks of transparent figures rushing out of the tunnel. _GHOSTS?!_ It figured, if he was getting chased by zombies he might as well have expected _ghosts_ to cut off their escape. He heard Allison scream and saw her doubled over, a blue miasma surrounding her, strangling her. He moved to help her up.

"Don't touch her!" Bethany cried. "We have to run... NOW!"

The zombies were busily chowing down on... oh no. Jim tried not to think about it. The ghosts had retreated into the tunnel. Michael was no where to be seen. Jim ran, trying desperately to catch up to Bethany and Scott. He didn't dare look behind him.

They ran north, ran until they could run no more. Scott fell to his knees, panting, heaving, rambling.

"My God... How did... they're..."

Jim hadn't known any of these people for very long, but the graphic nature of what had just happened left him heavily shaken. "What in the HELL is going on here?!" Jim demanded.

"I... I don't know." Bethany replied. She was barely panting.

"Where the fuck do we go?" Scott asked desperately.

Footsteps. They weren't alone, and someone was coming up very quickly behind them.

"OH shit oh shitohshitohshit!" Scott said.

The footsteps grew louder and Allison raced around a corner, nearly bowling Jim over.

"Where did you come from?!" Jim asked.

"How did you get away?" Bethany demanded suspiciously.

"I ran... same as you." Was Allison's defensive reply.

"What... was that back there?" Jim asked, cautiously.

Allison hesitated.

"Yes, do tell Allison." Bethany said.

"I... I think it was a ghost." Allison said quietly. "It came out of the tunnel and grabbed me."

Jim looked at her perplexed, "But... you were the furthest away from the tunnel... besides... well..."

Allison shook her head. "It happened a week ago. When I tried to leave Threed."

"Wait, wait, back the truck up!" Scott said, "You knew those freaky things were in the tunnel?! You knew the whole time?!"

Allison nodded, hesitantly.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell us?!"

"I... I knew that going to the tunnel was a bad idea, but I didn't want to tell you that..." Allison suddenly clutched her head as the blue miasma flared up once again around her. The indentations of hands appeared around her throat and an incomprehensible whispering could be heard.

"It happens like that." Allison said when the episode passed, "But never this strong. It's like it's reacting to the tunnel..."

"So let me get this straight, we've been walking around with you and the whole time you've been _posessed_?!" Scott said.

Allison nodded.

"I am NOT traveling with her." Bethany said and began to stalk off.

"Count me out too." Scott said, as he turned to follow Bethany.

Jim looked at the pair of retreating backs, and back at Allison. She stared at him with wild pleading eyes. Jim knew she didn't want to be left alone in a city full of zombies; who would? Nonetheless, he had his own safety to think about. He turned and slowly walked after the others, casting one last glance over his shoulder at her before running to catch up. Allison slumped to her knees in the middle of the street, terrified.

They walked north until Scott called a halt. Someone had stapled a hastily printed flier to a telephone pole. It read, "Zombie Relief Corps: North in the Circus."

"Well? What do you think?" Scott said.

"It could be another trap." Bethany said.

"That's true." Scott said, grimly remembering the tunnel.

"I'll take my chances." Jim said, "Besides, I don't think that Zombies know how to work a photocopier. We need to find some shelter." Jim said suddenly.

Scott looked around with sudden apprehension. He too could hear the moans, and the sound of shuffeling feet. They made their way to McMulligan's, a local bar and thankfully found it unlocked. It was as good a place as any to hole up and get some rest. So they went inside, locked the doors and fairly collapsed inside. After a few minutes, Scott got up and made for the bar.

"Scott, I don't think now's the time to be getting hammered." Jim said. Scott only looked at him and rolled his eyes.

"Molotov cocktails. They might come in handy." He said. The bar had apparently been well stocked before the Zombies arrived and before long he had ten or fifteen of them lined up neatly in the middle of the floor. He was pacing around them, wondering how to carry them.

"Would one of you guys look around for some duffel bags or something?" he asked as he prepared to make more.

"I'm bored." Bethany said.

"Bored?" Jim was incredulous. "You're bored? What about being scared out of your mind?!"

There was the sound of shuffling feet and the all too familiar moaning of the undead.

"How did they find us...?" Scott whispered quietly as a dull banging sounded at the door. Bethany stood from the chair she had been sitting in and walked purposefully to the door.

"What are you doing?!" Scott whispered gravely.

"Spicing things up!" Bethany said, her face contorted in a twisted grin.

"What the hell are you doing?! Get away from the door! There are zombies out there!" Jim was struggling to keep his voice down.

"I know, idiot." She said, "I called them." Jim and Scott could only look on in shock as she flicked the latch and opened the door.

Things seemed to go in slow motion from there. The zombies rushed in, and Scott was swamped. Jim leaped over a pool table and grabbed a cue, went back over the table and was in the fray. He swung wildly, aiming at their heads and trying desperately to fight his way to Scott while keeping them out of biting range.

"SCOTT!!" He yelled, "SCOTT!!" he wasn't making any headway.

Scott made a valiant leap and broke free of the zombies holding him, landing bloody on the floor behind Jim. The zombies fell back, bowing stiffly as Bethany approached.

"Exciting! Now that's more like it." She said.

"You... were on their side the whole time..." Scott said.

Bethany shrugged, "Not so much on their side as calling the shots."

"Why?! Why the charade?" Jim demanded.

"I already told you." Bethany rolled her eyes, "I was bored."

"Jim..." Scott said, holding his bleeding neck. "I'm done for. I'm not turning into one of those rotting bastards. You've gotta get out of here." Scott stood, slowly, laboriously, and pulled a cigarette lighter from his pocket. He stared down the group of zombies ready to devour him at the slightest whim of their former comrade, and without warning he dashed forward and lit the now scattered and trampled pile of Molotov cocktails. The resulting chain reaction destroyed most of the interior of the bar, and would have killed Jim had he not had the presence of mind to hide behind a fallen table when Scott pulled out the lighter. Jim stood, the heat from the blaze baking away his sweat as he dove out the window. He rolled on the hard concrete outside, bruised, cut, bleeding, but alive. There were more zombies outside. Dammit, spoke too soon.

Jim stood, facing his inevitable death.

"What a waste." Bethany said, emerging from the burning building unscathed. "Poor bastard thought that he would turn into a zombie because he was bitten. Only those possessed by ghosts, like our mutual friend Allison, become the undead. But I wasn't about to tell him, self sacrifice is just so cute."

Jim was about to make a run for it when a shotgun rang out. The zombie which had been sneaking up behind him splattered on the pavement.

"Shut your trap, bitch!" Allison said, cocking the shotgun and pointing it at Bethany's head.

"Why Allison! I thought you'd have gotten munched by now." Bethany said without enthusiasm. "Nice shotgun." She smiled wickedly.

As Allison's finger squeezed the trigger she felt her windpipe close and a sudden shocking chill take her body. She heard someone far away calling her name; her vision tunneled and everything went black.

Jim gathered the fallen Allison into his arms, ignoring the ethereal blue flame wreathed around her body, or the shocking icy chill that he felt in his arms when he picked her up. She dropped her shotgun, which was unfortunate, but he picked her up and fled pursued by zombies and Bethany's laughter. He ran north, ever north, until he spotted a few blocks away a large multi colored tent. He heard the report of distant gunfire and knew the relief corps was real and very close. If only he could make it there. He ran with all his might, his lungs ragged, his arms stinging, but still he clutched Allison close and continued to run. He rounded a corner, the tent was closer than ever, but there in the middle of an intersection, standing between him and the apparent safety of the tent were zombies, four of them. He turned around franticly and saw his only means of escape cut off by more of the undead advancing on his rear. To his left there was an apartment building, to his right, an office building. He was trapped. The four zombies to the front spotted him and slowly advanced. One grueling step, then two, and then there were several sickening thumps and the sound of screeching breaks as all four of them were run over by a black tour bus. Jim watched with disbelief as a boy in a yellow and blue striped shirt exited the bus. He was followed by a short portly man in a black suit and shades.

"Hey, Lucky, I think we hit something." The boy said. "Scratch that, someone."

"Well what the hell were they doin' in the street like that? Are they... dead?"

X X X X X X X X

When Ness stepped off the Hunk O' Junk, the smell of rotting flesh and the odd darkness made for a rather unpleasant greeting. He examined the bodies under the bus. They were dead alright, but much deader than four people freshly plowed into by a bus should have been. They were all fairly well decomposed already.

"Zombies..." Ness murmured to himself, "I hate Zombies."

Paula stepped off of the bus and gasped at the sight beneath it.

"You sure about this destination kid?" Lucky asked him.

Ness nodded, "There's no helping it."

"Looks like we've got company." Lucky said. Ness traced his gaze behind to the man standing behind them, and more importantly the zombies that were approaching from behind the man. He was holding the form of an unconscious woman in his arms and looked for all intents and purposes like he had been the one ran over by a bus. Lucky cleared his throat and said, "Well, it's been real, but I think that's our cue to get outta dodge. It ain't too late to change your mind, Ness." he said.

Ness shook his head. "You guys get goin'. Paula and I will be fine; besides, things are about to get ugly."

Lucky gave him a nod and boarded the bus, which sped off into the night. Or rather, late afternoon.

Ness gave Paula a nudge, "You sure you're up for this?" he asked.

She gulped and then nodded. "I'll be ok."

"Well then, let's kick some ass!" Ness said.

He whizzed past the shocked man and bashed the first zombie, its head collapsing under his bat, spattering old, greasy blood across the front of his shirt. The second zombie he cracked across the face, which was literally knocked off. He leaped backwards as one of them lunged for him.

"PSI FIRE!!" Paula called, blasting it and four others to ash.

"Come on!" Ness said, falling back. He, Paula, and the man carrying the woman made their way to the circus in the center of the town, Ness in back to guard their rear.

Spattered in blood as he was it's easy to see how the guards at the entrance of the circus mistook him for a zombie chasing the others. One moment, they were running full speed towards the camp, the next thing Ness knew Paula hurled herself in front of him and her shoulder exploded.

"PAULA!!" Ness cried out. He stumbled to a stop and knelt next to her. She lay on the ground grimacing. "Hang on, Paula! I'm gonna heal you-" The click of a bullet falling into a chamber and the feeling of cold metal to his head stopped Ness mid sentence. He raised his hands slowly.

"And you are?" A gruff voice asked.

"A person you should not be pointing that at." Ness said.

"You're not a zombie?" The voice asked.

"OF COURSE I'M NOT A FUCKING ZOMBIE!" Ness shouted at the tall man holding the rifle to his head.

"Is she...?" The man asked. He looked down. "Oh no..."

"Come on we gotta go!" The tall man's stocky partner said, looking with trepidation at the oncoming zombies.

"Aw hell!" The tall man said, pointing his gun at the attacking wave.

"Don't bother." Ness said angrily, "ROCKIN!"

The resulting wave of energy didn't quite kill the zombies, but it did maim them and slowed their advance to an inching crawl.

The gruff scrawny man stared at Ness with wide eyes. "Who... Who are you, kid?"

"Ness. Ness Harris." he said coldly. "The kid that's gonna clean up your mess. Lifeup."

X X X X X X X X

Paula tested her shoulder. It still ached dully, but it was only a phantom pain the result of her wound healing faster than her body was used to. She sat now with Ness in the center of what used to be a circus and was now the makeshift headquarters for the local militia, waiting to meet with the leaders. The Zombie Relief Corps was putting up a valiant fight despite how poorly armed and under supplied they were and had managed to force the forces of the undead into a stalemate. However every casualty they suffered served to increase the enemy's ranks.

After they entered the camp the sentry that had shot Paula began making excuses. Ness gave him a threatening look and the man felt suddenly compelled to return to his post. The first order of business was to check in with the militia captains. The second order of business was...

"Anything in this town with clean sheets and a mattress?" Ness asked. "We've been on a bus for two days and we need a place to crash."

Someone pointed them to a local nearly deserted hotel. Ness smiled at the clerk running the front desk.

"We'd like a room." He said. Paula elbowed him in the ribs.

"What?"

"We'd like two rooms." She said sweetly.

"Why? I don't know if I can afford that, Paula." Ness protested.

"I'll handle it." Paula said, "My parents would flip if they found out I shared a room with you."

Ness sighed. "How much?"

The desk clerk glanced at his screen. "60 a night per room is the going rate. And that's pretty cheap, considering demand."

Ness shrugged. "We'll take it." He took the keys and gave one to Paula. They had immediately made their way back to the circus to meet with the head militia captain.

Presently they were ushered into the main tent where four people sat around a table, studying maps and desperately planning their strategy. Around them their aid de camps were running busily giving orders and moving supplies. Everyone looked exhausted, with deep indentations and bags under nearly every eye and yet they kept moving; they were running as it were on adrenaline and fear. Ness approached the table.

"And you are?" One of the leaders said tiredly.

"Ness Harris. And this is my partner, Paula Polestar."

"Polestar?" he replied. "Now where have I heard that... not Paula Polestar, from Twoson?"

Paula rolled her eyes.

"Well, what do you kids want? As you can probably see we're all a little busy here."

Ness nodded, "I need to know what's going on."

The man sighed. "This is a serious situation, kid. I know you probably want to help, but it'd be best if you stayed out of the way."

"Just humor us." Paula said.

"Alright." said the man, rubbing his eyes tiredly, "I need a break anyway. It all started about two weeks ago. That's about when the sun got dark. It wasn't long after that the ghosts appeared in the tunnels entering and exiting the city. Then the zombies came, mostly from the graveyard to the north. It wasn't just zombies either. We've had to deal with ghosts, demons, psychotic toys; it seems like everything that's ever gone bump in the night has joined forces to kill this town." He looked the two over again and chuckled.

"Thanks." Ness said as he turned to leave. He had heard all he needed to hear.

"Wait a second, what are you planning to do?"

Ness smiled, "You said the zombies came from the north? We're going to attack the problem at the source!"

"We are?!" Paula gaped.

"Well, yeah." Ness said.

"Are you crazy kid?!" The leader protested, "You and what army?!"

Paula took Ness by the sleeve. "We need to have a word, outside!"

The man watched the girl in the pink dress drag the boy in the red cap out of the tent. _That was... odd_. He thought. "Kids and their pranks." He said to himself and then got back to work.

Outside the tent, Paula gave Ness an exasperated look. "Ness! We can't go charging into a GRAVEYARD half cocked in the middle of a zombie infestation!"

Ness rolled his eyes. "Do you have any better ideas?" He challenged.

"I can't think of any that are dumber or more reckless!" Paula said. "Listen, what we need right now is a strategy."

Ness shook his head, "I'm no good with strategy. I say we just blast 'em."

"Ness you're being arrogant." Paula chided.

"Am not!" Ness replied.

"Yes you are!" Paula said, "You're so sure of yourself you're about to walk into a graveyard full of the undead because you think you're some,_ untouchable_!"

Ness grinned, "Not really." He said.

"What?"

"I'm actually not sure about this at all. I may come back, but then again they might kill me." he said, a little somberly.

"What?!" Paula gasped, "Then why would you go in there!"

"Because it's the only thing I can do." Ness said. "Are you any good at strategy?" He asked.

"Well... No... not particularly..." Paula said.

"Well there you go." Ness said, "we could sit here for a week and try to think of a strategy and we'll probably come up with the same thing I'm about to do. Fight our way in, look around, and fight our way out. So let's cut out the middle man and get straight to fighting."

"This is a bad idea... I know it." Paula said.

"You said you couldn't think of any better."

"I said I couldn't think of any worse."

"Well, you implied it!" Ness said, "Now, come with me or don't, it's your call." With that he began walking north. Paula hesitated for a moment, stunned by his resolve, before following him.

They made their way through the streets. It was quiet. Far in the distance there was gun fire, then the pop of explosives going off. Nearer there was a low moan as the pair approached the outer fence of the grave yard.

"Are you sure about this?" Paula asked.

"I told you I'm not." Ness answered.

"Do you think we can make it out..." Paula gulped, "...alive?"

Ness shrugged, "maybe."

"Enough being blunt Ness." Paula said, "Are you afraid? Lie to me."

Ness paused. "Nope."

Paula sighed, "I'm somehow reassured and disheartened at the same time."

"I'm amazing, aren't I?" Ness said. He put a finger to his lips and looked around. No zombies in sight.

Ness took a few steps forward when a pale light shown in front of them, and what looked like a floating skeleton draped in a tattered white cloak faded into being.

The apparition spoke with many voices, all of them made Paula's skin crawl. "What humans are foolish enough to trespass on this day of darkness?"

Ness stood tall and puffed out his chest. He looked valiant, but Paula noted even in the dim light that the color had drained from his cheeks and he was clutching his bat much tighter than normal.

"My name is Ness."

"Ah... The chosen one arrives, and he is not alone." He said, noticing Paula.

Paula, taking inspiration from Ness, put on her bravest face and said, "Y-yeah! We're going to kick your ethereal ass!" the last word sounded awkward even to her.

The zombie possessor let out a hearty laugh before his eyes narrowed into glowing slits. "Fortunately for you" it said, "we have two recently vacated graves prepared just for you!" with that it held up its skeleton hand and released a shower of screaming lights. The lights formed into tortured faces and sank into the ground. There was the sound of wet earth splitting as several newly animated corpses rose and surrounded Ness and Paula.

"Do you have a plan?" Paula asked.

"Of course." Ness replied. Without warning he launched himself at the zombie possessor and swung his bat with all his might. The ghost took the blow and seemed to ripple slightly.

"That is useless, BOY!" The ghost bellowed and struck Ness back to the ground.

"THAT was your plan?!" Paula said, as she smacked a zombie in the face with her frying pan. "He's a GHOST Ness! You can't hit him with a baseball bat!"

Ness leaped to his feat, bashing one of the walking cadavers under the chin as he did. "I was just making sure!" He yelled. He delivered a swift kick to a zombie and smashed another.

"PSI FIRE!" Paula cried, as a column of flame tore horizontally through five zombies.

"Destroy all you'd like." The zombie possessor chuckled, "I'll simply summon more!" With that he repeated his demonic light show, waking more undead soldiers from their graves.

"Ness!" Paula said, "This isn't going so well!"

"Keep fighting!" Ness said, "he has to run out of dead people some time!"

Paula glared at him, "We'll be dead people by the time that happens!" she smashed another zombie's face. "Screw this!" turning to the zombie possessor she concentrated, "PSI FREEZE BETA!!" The resulting blast of arctic wind was bigger, and carried with it a small flurry of hail. The zombie Possessor let out an unearthly wail before it melted into thin air. The destruction of the possessor didn't stop the advancing undead, as Paula had hoped, but Ness remedied the situation in short order.

"ROCKIN!" he called out, blasting the zombies back to ashes.

"We did it!" Ness exclaimed.

Paula fell to her knees panting.

"Are you alright?" Ness asked, concerned.

"I'll be fine." She said. "Let's just go."

They continued on and rounded a row of trees that were probably well manicured at one point. They were now dead, their leaves brown and shriveled. Beyond that stood two zombies. Ness approached at a run, ready to engage them. He met with an undead stiff arm which knocked him flat on his butt. Leaping to his feet he made to come at them again. The first guard looked at him and seemed to stare into his soul. The second looked him over and returned its attention to staring into oblivion. Ness scratched his head, puzzled. They didn't seem to guard anything of importance, it was just a single grave. And they just stood there. Ness couldn't elicit a reaction from either of them, except by trying to get past, and then they only moved to block him; there was no intention to fight.

Ness turned to Paula. "Looks like we did all that for nothing."

"Does that mean we can get out of here?" She asked hopefully.

Ness nodded. "We should go back to the hotel and regroup."

That, of course, was easier said than done. There, waiting beyond the row of trees was the zombie possessor multiplied by _five. _

"Oh no." Ness said.

Beneath the five spirits was a throng of the undead, a solid wall of malice between the two children and the graveyard's exit.

"Do you have a plan this time? A good one, I mean." Paula asked.

"Yep." Ness said. "I'll take care of the zombies, you blast the ghosts."

Paula nodded. "At least it's something."

Ness sprang forward and plowed into the horde. The possessors flew over his head, converging on Paula. The girl leaped into the air and fired off a blast of freeze directly below. One ghost wailed and was no more. Ness cut a swath through the rotting swarm, then fell upon their right wing with fury, bashing left and right, deftly dodging the grabbing, mauling, and biting of his undead foes. Paula dodged the screeching bolts of light that the Possessors were hurling at her. The lights peeled off to find graves, possess corpses, and come back to attack her. Paula found herself facing several zombies as well as the two remaining ghosts that had resurrected them. One of the ghosts swooped in, its skeleton hands flailing. Paula dodged and rebounded off of a tombstone. She came down like a bullet and-SMAAAAAAASH!!- clobbered one of the zombies with a loud clang of her frying pan, before smashing another's face in with a side swipe. "PSI FREEZE!!" She cried, freezing another ghost out of existence. _One more to go! _She hurled another blast at the final ghost, it dodged by mere inches.

"I've grown wise to your games, girl!" It wailed.

"Is that so?!" Paula challenged.

She charged through the crowd, icy wind flowing around her left hand, her right belched flames into the crowd of zombie assailants. She was a mere two feet from the possessor when she unleashed her attack. There was a brilliant blue flash, a misty chill hung in the air and Paula fell to her knees, exhausted but victorious. Nearly victorious, anyway. She had used up all her PSI and her physical strength at the same time. She faltered on the edge of consciousness, only vaguely aware of the zombies closing in on her, ready to tear her apart. She felt a strong arm, Ness' arm, take a hold of her as he bore her out of the fray.

She opened her eyes to Ness' face. He wore a weary smile as he looked down on her. She sat up slowly, her muscles already starting to ache.

"Hey, we're not dead." Ness said tiredly. "Good job..."

"What about the zombies?" Paula asked.

"They didn't follow us once we left the graveyard. I dunno why."

"Should we be worried?"

"Possibly. Me? I'm just tired. Let's get to the hotel before we both pass out."

And so they trudged with no small difficulty to the hotel. Paula noticed a blonde woman in a particularly skimpy black tube top and scandalously high cut off jean shorts loitering outside the hotel as they approached it. She mentioned it to Ness, who responded with a half conscious 'wha...?'

By the time they reached the front desk Ness was literally asleep on his feet and Paula was not far behind him. He didn't notice the absence of the desk clerk, and Paula was too tired to point it out. Paula noticed a flash of blond as she rounded the corner and approached her room, but it didn't click until she opened the door. The zombies attacked, the trap was sprung, and the ambush succeeded.

X X X X X X X X

Ness opened his eyes and sat up suddenly. It was dark. There was light coming from... somewhere. Paula was hunched dejectedly behind him; they were sitting back to back. The floor was soft, wet, made of dirt, and on closer inspection so were the walls and presumably the ceiling. There was a heavy steel door. Locked, of course. Ness didn't know how long he had been out, and he had been only semi conscious when the zombies had pummeled him, but having rested, albeit fitfully, he was now awake, alert, and ready to bust out.

"PSI ROCKIN!" Ness fired off a shot at the door before Paula could stop him. It ricocheted and hit him full in the chest. Ness was out for another few hours.

He awoke to Paula kneeling over him, a worried look on her face.

"Please don't do that again." Paula said.

"But it was so much fun..." Ness groaned painfully. He sat up. "So... shielding." he sighed, "Any ideas?"

"We could call for help." Paula suggested.

"I don't know if anyone will hear us." Ness said.

"Telepathically." Paula said.

"Sounds like a plan... but what about the shielding? If it reflected my attack, won't it stop your telepathy?"

Paula nodded, "True, but I have an idea. I'll need your help, but I think that if we combine our energy we can force something through. Here." She gently took hold of Ness' cheeks and pressed her forehead to his, eyes closed, concentrating. Ness' eyes went wide at the sudden unexpected closeness.

"Um..." His voice cracked.

Paula blinked her eyes open and blushed. "Ness I need you to... concentrate. Try to focus your energy into your forehead."

Ness nodded, grinned awkwardly and closed his eyes. They touched foreheads again, and Ness concentrated. Tried to push all of his energy through to Paula.

At first Paula felt nothing but the usual blankness she always got from Ness. Ness' wall, she had come to call it. But then there was a brief moment where the wall seemed to be punctured and beyond she saw a vast landscape of thoughts and ideas, crossed by rivers of emotions and dreams. Then there was energy, a tremendous serge of it as both their consciousnesses were propelled through the shield and into the darkness of the void. She held Ness as they drifted through endless dream moments together until they finally found him.

"I am a friend you have never met before..." Paula said across the void, "I am with Ness, another friend. Jeff, wake up and head south!"


	9. Flight of the Genius

Chapter VIII: Flight of the Genius

"That was reckless on your part."

"Yeah, but you've gotta take risks in this business, otherwise you'll never get ahead."

"Is that so."

"It's what you always tell us when you hand us some damn fool suicide mission."

"Suicide missions that you always inexplicably return from alive."

"What can I say? I'm a real bad ass."

"Cut the cocky crap. Luckily for you both subjects have moved beyond your ability to monitor them, as a result whatever damage you may have done isn't quite apparent. However the fact remains that you put our whole operation in danger. I'm not just going to overlook that."

"Yes _sir_, sorry _sir_, begging your pardon _sir_, would you like me to shine your shoes _sir_?"

"Cut the crap you insubordinate prick."

"I got the reading, didn't I?"

"Yes, about the reading. Just what exactly did it say?"

"Well, it said... nothing."

"Nothing."

"Yeah, weird, isn't it?"

"Get out of my office before I kill you."

"Yes _sir_, going _sir_, have a good day _sir_."

X X X X X X X X

North of Eagleland there lay a vast mostly frozen country. It's southern border which stretches across Eagleland's entire northern side, is the longest unguarded national boundary in the modern world. This country's name is irrelevant, however, as it plays no part in our story except for its relative position to Winters, a small island country across the great Eastern Ocean. Winters was a regal place with a rich history of noble traditions that stretched back to the days of the Roman Empire. One such tradition, was the shipping of wealthy young boys and girls to boarding schools to receive a fine scholarly upbringing so that their parents wouldn't have to waste their valuable time on child rearing. One of the most famous and prestigious institutions in Winters was Snow Wood, a boarding school of exceptional fame whose graduates were often shoe ins for Cambridge and Oxford.

Inside Halberd hall, one of Snow Wood's dormitory buildings named for Percival C. Halberd, the school's founder, Jeffry Michael Andonuts Jr. slept soundly, thoroughly exhausted from the all nighters he had pulled the previous three nights. It had not been for the sake of studying though, Jeff never lost sleep on school work, he was simply too industrious for that. Homework and studying always got done before six PM and he always studied for three additional hours, just to be sure. It was Jeff's hobbies that kept him up late, and this particular project had been quite a doosey. But it was complete now; he had put the finishing touches on it at just past midnight and now lay contentedly in bed, his soldering iron hung limply from his hand.

_Jeff..._ a pretty female voice called. Jeff groaned lightly in his sleep. _Jeff..._ the voice called again, _I am a friend that you have never met before... I am Paula and I'm here with another friend Ness. Wake __up and head south, Please! We need your help!_

Jeff was just too tired to wake up. He rolled over onto his side when a distinctively _un_-pretty male voice slammed into his awareness. _HEY! WAKE THE HELL UP!_ Jeff sat up with a start. What was that? He shook his head and lay back down.

An hour passed.

As tired as he was, sleep would not return. The urgency of the voice, and the clarity of the dream had him arguing with himself whether or not he had actually heard anything. It was preposterous, his rational mind decided, that it had been anything more than a dream, that the odd voices had been anything more than a manifestation of his own subconscious desires to go south, to go... home. Jeff sighed. He still felt awkward thinking of that place as his home. _I might as well go_, Jeff finally decided, it was no use fighting it. He got out of bed and slipped on his socks and boots; he'd slept in his school uniform, green slacks and a white button up shirt, a black bow tie hung half tied from his collar. He adjusted his thick glasses which he had luckily not bent in his sleep. He tip toed across the room, careful not to wake his sleeping room mate, until he tripped rather loudly on a book bag, reached out for the edge of a nearby desk, found his hand in something cold, wet and slimy, grunted a surprised stream of profanity and fell with a thud on his face.

"Jeff?" His roommate, Anthony Akeridge sat up blearily, turning on a lamp. Looking around Jeff saw that he had tripped over Tony's book bag left in the center of the floor in exactly the way that the ever tidy Jeff had asked him NOT to do. The slimy substance on the edge of the desk had been a half eaten plate of spaghetti, Tony's of course.

"Go back to sleep Tony." Jeff said.

Tony robbed his eyes. "Jeff, it's two in the morning, are you going somewhere?"

Jeff sighed. "Yeah, I'm going... south... for the summer."

"South?" Tony asked, his mind still grogy with sleep. "What about summer classes? Oh, right."

"Yeah." Jeff said. He wasn't taking any summer classes, and wouldn't be allowed to, as he was already too far ahead of the curriculum. Snow Wood was a prestigious school, and the faculty didn't want anyone to think that their material was too easy, it was a matter of pride. Of course the curriculum wasn't too easy. It wasn't easy at all, by anyone's standards. The problem was that in addition to being a certified genius, Jeff was also a tirelessly hard worker, meticulous to a fault.

"Um, Jeff?" Tony said, "don't you need a parent to come check you out?"

Jeff felt a twinge but suppressed it. "Of course, that's why I'm sneaking out."

"I see." Tony said, "Well, I don't know where you're going, or why, but I'll help you if I can."

"That's not necessary," Jeff said, "I can manage."

Tony shrugged, "What are friends for? Let's blow this Popsicle stand!"

Jeff was reluctant. It wasn't that he disliked Tony, the fact was that Tony was his closest friend. That being said, Jeff still found him to be pretty annoying at times. Tony had a cheerful happy go lucky way about him which was at times refreshing and at times made Jeff want to shoot himself. Like most of the students at Snow Wood Tony came from money, old money, so he didn't have much understanding of the harshness of life in 'the real world' and probably never would. While Jeff's family also had money, his father had come by it with much toil and hardship; he had actually been homeless at one point. As a result Jeff found his outlook to be much more realistic than some of the spoiled brats that were his classmates. Everyone knew that Jeff was accepted to Snow Wood based on merit rather than status and many looked down on him for it; the fact that his father was originally from Eagleland didn't help. Jeff was a 'damn yank' in their eyes. But Tony and most of the residents of Halberd were different. They simply didn't care about financial status as much as they did academic prowess, and Tony's happy-go-lucky attitude was something that Jeff both found to be bothersome and the main reason he could call Tony a friend.

Jeff shrugged on his green blazer and adjusted his glasses. In the light of his desk lamp he gathered together his personal belongings and put them into his shoulder bag. His two spare uniforms, his tool kit, and some assorted toiletries. He briefly considered removing the contents, a ruler, some graphing paper, a compass and protractor, and a package which he knew was important, but whose purpose he couldn't quite remember...

"You taking this too?" Tony asked, holding the small gadget Jeff had been working on.

Jeff nodded, "It might come in handy." He said and deposited it into his pocket.

Tony cocked his head. "What is it?"

Jeff smiled proudly. "I call it the SPI, or Structural Perception Instrument."

"Looks like a DS." Tony commented.

"Well it was." Jeff replied, adjusting his glasses. "Plus a web cam, a cell phone, and your erector set."

"Cool." Tony said, "...wait, what?!"

"I'm Kidding." Jeff laughed. "Your erector set is safe. I rigged this baby up with a makeshift hard drive and installed an infra red receiver and an electromagnetic resonance scanner." Jeff paused, "I couldn't figure out how to get a small enough sound emitter for sonar to fit in there, though." He shrugged and deposited it back into his coat pocket. Let's go, shall we?"

In the common area of the second floor they found several of their classmates debating feverishly.

"Pishaw!" Jonathan Crawford was saying, "Tessie is nothing more than the brazen imaginings of a fanciful, a hoax and nothing more."

"You have to accept that it isn't entirely outside the realm of possibility that a previously unknown creature may inhabit the loch..." Whittaker countered.

"Personally, I agree with Jonathan," Samuel Slate interjected, "It's as ludicrous as the reports of savage local men or UFO's near Stonehenge."

"Oh, why good evening Mr. Valedictorian." Whittaker said upon seeing Jeff and Tony. "So, Jeff, what do you think about all this Tessie business?"

Jeff shrugged, "I don't believe in anything not quantifiable."

"You see? This fine gentleman scored a ninety nine in biology, I should say this quite proves my point. Nonsense, that's what Tessie is, Tabloid tourist trap nonsense!" Jonathan announced.

"My, so skeptical." Whittaker said, "You won't even acknowledge that it _is_ within the realm of possibility?"

Jeff knew that these two could and likely would debate the issue all night, curfews be damned. They were the two foremost members of the debate team, after all. "Skepticism is the default academic position." He said, adjusting his glasses, "And right now I don't have the time to be pulled into a debate on cryptozoology," He said with a chuckle, "I've got to get going."

"Then you won't stay for the party?" Jonathan asked.

"Party?" Jeff asked.

"Oh come on, Jeff, did you forget?" Tony asked, "Spent too much time in the books I fear. It's my birthday tomorrow."

Jeff blinked. He HAD forgotten. He briefly considered staying another day to celebrate with Tony, but something in the back of his mind urged him to go through with his departure.

"Tony, I'm sorry, I did forget." He reached into his bag, suddenly remembering the package he had bought for the occasion and forgotten about. "And I'm sorry I won't be here for the celebration," he handed Tony his present, "Spared no expense." he said.

"Unreal!" Tony said, after unwrapping the gift, "How did you know?"

Jeff laughed, "Perhaps because it is one of the greatest first person shooters ever, or because you wouldn't shut up about it."

"Hug!" Tony gathered Jeff in and nearly squeezed the life out of him.

"Hey! Cut it out!" Jeff said, never fond of Tony's over the top displays of emotion.

"I'd hate to break up the male bonding," Samuel said through his thick highlands accent, "But we do have a real problem, Jeff."

The two paused and looked at him. He was the Student Residential Advisor for Halberd house, a level headed young man who was a year older than Jeff and Tony and everyone else in Halberd. Samuel had a strong sense of responsibility, though he still knew how to have fun when the need arose.

"We've had a spot of bother with the brutes down in Wallace hall." Samuel said.

Jeff smirked, "Is that so."

"You feeling up to it, Jeff?" Tony asked.

Jeff nodded, thought and then slowly shook his head. "Sorry, gents, but I've got some rather pressing business to attend to."

Wallace hall was home to the more jockish students of Snow Wood. Even though it was required that all students participated in sporting activities, 'mens sana in corpore sano' was the school's motto, the students in Wallace hall were all exceptionally fit and made no attempts at sportsmanlike conduct. They were downright ruthless on the rugby field, at cricket, and at polo. Even their rowing team was cutthroat. As a result there was an unspoken but very prevalent rivalry between Wallace and Halberd, the latter being mostly comprised of more intellectually minded students, or in technical terms, nerds. And if there was one thing that everyone in Halberd, nay in all of Snow Wood understood, Jeff Andonuts was king of the nerds.

"I understand," Samuel said, "You will be missed on this campaign."

"Sorry again." Jeff said. He turned to Tony, "Let's go downstairs and talk to Maxwell."

"Right." Tony said.

"Jeff, Tony, What brings you to my door at this time of night?" Maxwell greeted.

"I may need your help." Jeff responded.

"What? The great Jeff Andonuts needs MY humble help?" Maxwell teased. "I take it you've been outside. Planning counter measures, are you?"

Jeff shook his head, "actually, I was wondering if you could help me... well, leave."

Maxwell raised his eyebrows. "You're sneaking out? And where do you plan to go at this time of night?"

Jeff fidgeted a bit before responding. "South."

Maxwell was silent for a moment. "Ah, I see. Going home are you?" He nodded, "You know Jeff, your father sponsored the science club here when I was a student. He's actually the reason I became a teacher. A brilliant mind, he has. Why, I'd wager he's got more going on upstairs then Einstein or Newton combined."

Jeff shrugged, averting his eyes.

"Well, since you'll obviously learn more with your father than you would here with the summer courses you _can't_ take, I'll help you with your trip home. How's that for a slice of fried gold?"

"Thanks Maxwell," Jeff said.

"Think nothing of it, my lad." Maxwell waved his thanks off, "Just take this and help yourself to the contents of the locker room next door. I'm sure you'll find something of interest there."

The key that Maxwell handed to Jeff was slightly bent, and wouldn't open any of the locks.

"Ha! You caught me. I did that to show off my new invention of sorts." Maxwell chuckled, "I call it the machine that opens doors, especially when you've got a slightly bad key."

"Wouldn't it be easier to call it the bad key machine?" Tony asked.

"I suppose so. I had never thought of it that way." Maxwell laughed.

The machine was small and resembled a tape measurer. Jeff stuck the bent key into the slot. There was a click as a small metal rod shot out of the machine, bristling with tiny metal plates. The plates arranged themselves into a pattern that roughly matched the key's shape.

"Nifty, eh?" Maxwell said, "Let me know if you need anything, you've got my number."

Jeff opened the first locker, empty. The second. It was the same. Most of the students had already left for the summer, and Jeff was basically poaching what they had forgotten or didn't care enough about to take with them. Jeff found a bicycle helmet, of little use, and two airsoft guns, one of them broken. With them he found a large cannister of yellow plastic pellets. Jeff deposited the pellets into his shoulder bag and quickly constructed a makeshift shoulder holster out of a belt and an old shoe he had found. The airsoft gun safely stowed in his jacket he set out for home.

"So what do you have in mind?" Tony asked, as the two made their way to the door.

Jeff stroked his chin thoughtfully as he stepped outside. The boys at Wallace had apparently toilet papered the trees around their dorm and egged the windows. _How Juvenile_, Jeff thought.

"Over the gate?" He suggested.

Tony nodded. Threading his hands together he gestured for Jeff to begin. Jeff dashed up to Tony and was bounced up and over the gate.

"As I said, I don't know where you're going or why, but do keep in touch." Tony admonished.

Jeff nodded and the two shook hands through the bars. Tony went back inside and Jeff began his trek south.

X X X X X X X X

Jeff had not gone far from the school's gates before he came to a gas station which was to Jeff's knowledge, the only building besides snow wood for three miles. There were three people in the store, two clerks who chatted casually behind the counter, and someone going up and down the aisles, restocking the shelves. Jeff looked around. He had a total of five dollars in his wallet and thought it best to pick up a few things for the road. Two bottles of bawls to keep him awake and...

There was a crash followed by some profanity and a distinct chattering sound. Was that... a monkey?

"Want to buy some gum?" The woman who had been restocking the counters asked Jeff, "The monkey comes free with the purchase of gum. Otherwise he'll cost you a buck."

Jeff raised an eyebrow, "I... don't need to buy a monkey..." he said.

"Look, would you please buy him?" The woman sounded cranky and a little desperate, "He's really noisy and he's making a mess of the store."

Jeff shrugged and purchased the gum. The monkey followed him eagerly out of the store. The weather was exceptionally cold for early summer, which was alright by him, Jeff loved the hell out of cold weather. The night was clear and crisp with the stars shining brightly over head and the snow crunching cheerfully underfoot. Jeff was in a good mood for the next mile or so, until he saw a dark figure straddling the path ahead of him. Jeff's heart raced momentarily, the thing had horns. It snorted loudly and let out an agitated 'baa'.

"It's only a goat..." Jeff muttered, relieved. His relief didn't last, however, as the thing pawed the ground impatiently and then charged him. The goat rammed Jeff in the chest and proceeded to trample him in a gruff manner. It would have continued had not the monkey leaped onto the gruff goat's face and begin scratching wildly as monkeys do. Jeff got to his feet as the goat made another charge. He dove out of the way, took aim and fired at what he could only guess were the eyes. The goat let out a feral bray and then charged off into the woods. Jeff stood, dusted himself off and checked himself for injuries. He looked down at the airsoft gun in his hand. It looked like all the hours he had logged playing Call of Duty had payed off after all.

The next several miles passed without incident. The monkey ran here and there, sometimes leading Jeff playfully, others lagging behind to stare at some flower or other novelty. Jeff took a pot shot at a crow and felled it from fifty yards. Not bad for a toy. Eventually he came to the shores of Loch Tess, the deepest and third largest lake in Winters. That particular area of shore was lined with tents and from the looks of it most of the camp was in bed for the night. Two men sat around the glowing embers of a camp fire, one strummed absently on an acoustic guitar as they chatted quietly. The one with the guitar spotted Jeff first.

"Well hello there stranger," He said. "what brings you to the shores of Lake Tess at this late hour?"

Jeff looked at his watch. It was 4:30 am.

"I think it's early, John." The second man said. "Come on, young man, have a spot of tea to warm your bones, you look like you could use it."

Jeff was fairly chilly, so he took the men up on their offer and had some tea and a hearty helping of beef stew, before dropping off to sleep. It was noon when Jeff awoke. He hated sleeping late. The monkey was nowhere to be found. The wind was blowing fiercely, rocking the tent as it did. Jeff could hear several excited voices outside, something about an imminent sighting. Stepping outside he saw the monkey was waiting for him on a small peninsula, chewing gum. As he approached the monkey began to blow a bubble. It popped. He blew another one and this time it reached an epic size. So large was it that the monkey began to float over the water.

_That flies in the face of every physical law... _Jeff thought. Then, from the water rose a large purple hump, followed by a long slender neck. It was Tessie. The creature craned its neck to look at him with slow graceful movements, then deposited a large flat flipper onto the peninsula and looked at Jeff expectantly. Hesitantly, very hesitantly, Jeff boarded the purple dinosaur and they were off. In your face, Barney.

Tessie swam surprisingly fast and they were across the lake in only fifteen minutes. Placing her flipper on the southeast shore Tessie nodded to Jeff slowly as he disembarked. Jeff and the bubble monkey watched as Tessie swam out a ways and dove with surprising swiftness.

To the south, Jeff came to a cave. Next to it was a sign that read, "This dungeon has no entry fee. Come on in!" Jeff promptly turned around and headed in the other direction, only to find it blocked by a large pencil shaped iron statue. "God dammit." Jeff muttered. He turned and entered the dungeon. "I hate RPG's." He sighed.

The alleged dungeon was a maze, made with a waist high stone wall which Jeff could easily have scaled, but the maze was so simple he didn't bother. A sign in the maze warned of enemies in the dungeon, and as if on cue Jeff was bum rushed by a duck. Two shots and the thing ran away, quacking madly. A few more mad ducks, some rather rowdy mice, and a small glob of worthless protoplasm later Jeff found himself at the end of the alleged dungeon. There was a small table with a phone sitting on it. Next to that was a gift wrapped box labeled 'spoils'. It had a taser inside. Jeff took it.

Outside there stood a stocky balding man in overalls with a pencil thin mustache.

"The name's Brick Road." The man said, "I'm a designer of theme parks, and I designed the dungeon. Tell me what you think."

Jeff shrugged, "I'm not a big fan of role playing games, so you probably don't want my opinion."

"Try me." Brick road said.

"It was awful. No challenge at all." Jeff responded.

Brick road nodded, "Yeah, I thought as much. Well, one day with the help and expertise of Dr. Andonuts, I'll become Dungeon Man, the first combination of man and dungeon in history. Then I'll be able to charge admission. Wanna see the blueprints?"

Jeff shook his head, "No, I'd better get going. Could you point me to Dr. Andonuts' lab?"

Brick Road pointed at a cave. "Through there, and then go south past Stonehenge. You can't miss it."

Jeff thanked the man and plunged into the darkness of the cave. Clicking a button on the side of his glasses Jeff activated the LED's he'd installed in the frame. He looked around. A few mice stared at him menacingly. A few shots from his stun gun were enough to keep them at bay. He walked through a limestone corridor and came to a sheer cliff face. It was slick with erosion and impossible to scale. He could see a rope at the top, but how to get it down. He considered shooting it down, but decided not to waste ammunition. Then an idea struck him. He gave a piece of gum to the bubble monkey and it floated to the top of the cliff and dropped the rope. Scaling the cliff, Jeff saw a passage to his left, it no doubt lead east to his father's lab, and to his right he saw what looked like a giant mushroom formation. He inched closer at the wondrous spectacle when the formation stood up!

"Oh Bugger!" Jeff nearly laid a brick and in the next instance he was scrambling out of the cave.

There, in front of him stood one of the marvelous mysteries of the ancient world; Stonehenge. The bubble monkey began chittering excitedly and darted forward. Jeff saw what had gotten him so excited, it was a female monkey, she had a bow tied on her head. The monkeys chased each other, playfully zig zagging through the ancient ruins before they disappeared into the woods.

"Well," Jeff said to no one in particular, "Fare thee well, little friend."

He continued south, careful to avoid two hairy Neanderthals busily trying to make a fire. At last he came to it, a large and stately example of the bland functionality of modern architecture. It was a plain gray concrete structure with round windows and a large cylindrical opening at its top. Torus labs. Jeff stood for a moment in the cold, reflecting. He remembered this place, but only vaguely. He had been only four the last time he had been there. While his memory of the building was fuzzy, his memory of the events that took place there were painfully clear.

X X X X X X X X

Salina Andonuts stalked to the car, wiping her eyes furiously. She climbed into the drivers' seat and slammed the door, suppressing a sob. Jeff reached out and placed a tiny hand comfortingly onto her shoulder. He was still technically a toddler, but his keen mind understood what was going on. The endless court hearings, moving to a small apartment, his mother's angry words. Divorce. The word had an ugly ring to it, and young Jeff Andonuts understood what it meant. Mommy and Daddy were no longer husband and wife.

Salina and Jeffry Sr. had met at Snow Wood, he was an older man of fifty one, who had made a fortune with his instant revitalization device, a machine that used electromagnetic waves to induce an enhanced state of REM sleep in humans, fifteen minutes was the equivalent of a full eight hours of rest. Dr. Andonuts hadn't sold a single one, of course, but various coffee companies and gourmet cappuccino shop franchises had paid him a fortune to keep the device off the market. Now retired, Dr. Andonuts had moved to Winters for a fresh start and had been offered a position teaching physics at the prestigious Snow Wood boarding academy. That was when he met Salina, a thirty two year old French and classical literature teacher. They had a brief courtship and were married less than a year later. Dr. Andonuts bought a secluded piece of land to the southeast of snow wood and built his laboratory there. Using his now extensive fortune he began research and development on various cutting edge ideas. Jeff didn't know for sure, but he guessed that his father's long hours at the lab away from his wife and son led to the divorce. Salina had insisted that Dr. Andonuts not pay child support or alimony of any kind, she just wanted to be done with him. She left Snow Wood and took a job teaching English at an inner city public school in London. And that's why Jeff blamed him.

Jeff reasoned that it had been the stress. The stress of being a single parent, of raising him alone and on a public school teacher's salary that lead to Salina's aneurysm. Jeff was five when she colapsed one day.

He called 911.

She was rushed to the hospital.

She died three days later.

There was a hearing to see who should get custody of young Jeff. Dr. Jeffery Andonuts Sr. never even showed up. They sent Jeff to Eagleland to live with relatives for a year, until he was old enough to start school at snow wood, and the rest, as they say, was history.

The memories brought bitter tears to Jeff's eyes. He choked them back. He knocked on the door, twice. It opened slowly and a short, round, balding man with white hair opened the door. He peered at Jeff from behind rounded spectacles.

"May I help you young man?" Dr. Andonuts asked.

"Dr. Andonuts?" Jeff asked, barely recognizing his father.

"Yes... Yes... Did Mr. Brickroad refer you?" Dr. Andonuts asked.

"You could say that..." Jeff said. "My name is Jeff."

The doctor was silent for a moment. "Jeff?"

"Jeff... Andonuts." Jeff said, almost reluctantly.

Another pause.

"You're my son? Well, come in out of the cold." He ushered Jeff into a large, sterile laboratory.

"Now, what brings you to my doorstep, young man?" Dr. Andonuts inquired.

"I..." Jeff faltered, _I came here to kick your ass for never being there for me..._ "I came because I need to find someone... named Paula." he inwardly berated himself for his cowardice.

"Hmm. I see." Dr. Andonuts said, "I'm working on an invention called the phase distorter. It can connect two points in time and space. It isn't complete yet, however..." he stroked his beard thoughtfully. "But you can use that." He gestured to what looked like a flying saucer in the corner of the room. "It's called the sky runner, it's a little old, but it should get the job done. Do you know your destination?"

Jeff shook his head. _Threed... _A tiny voice in the back of his mind said, "Do you know of a place called Threed?" Jeff asked.

Dr. Andonuts nodded, he strode over to a desk and picked up a news paper and handed it to Jeff. The headline read 'Town in Eagleland disappears from Map!'

"I had originally set the destination of the sky runner for Onett to pick up some Xexonite... It's a long story, but it looks like I won't be able to make the trip for quite some time. It would take hours to reprogram the sky runner, and something tells me you don't have that kind of time. Threed is not far from Onett, if memory serves, so it'll be a simple matter for you to amend the destination coordinates on the way there."

It took about ten minutes for Jeff to familiarize himself with the sky runner's old clunky interface, and then he was ready for lift off.

"Dad... er... I mean, Dr. Andonuts..." Jeff said.

"Yes, Jeff?" he said, looking up from a schematic.

_You're a lousy father, who didn't even come to mom's funeral._ "...What was the ignition sequence again?"

"Red Two, Theta seven." Dr. Andonuts said.

"Thanks." Jeff said, flicking the switches whose order he didn't actually forget.

"Jeff?" Dr. Andonuts said, _I am so sorry! There isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret driving your mother away... _"I suppose I'll see you in another ten years..."

_If at all..._ Jeff thought miserably to himself. "Yeah." Was all he said. And so the sky runner lifted off, and swung gracefully into the air.


	10. 28 Hours Later

CHAPTER IX: 28 Hours Later

There was a low rumble from the pit of his gut. Ness groaned and continued staring at the ceiling. A full twenty six hours had passed since the ambush and he felt weighted by hunger and fatigue. Paula had stopped talking hours ago, and with nothing to do but wait Ness was beginning to lose heart himself. An hour passed. Then, he heard it. Softly at first, but oh so sweetly, Paula began singing.

_I believe the morning sun..._

Her voice was a clear, lilting alto.

_Is always gonna shine again..._

Ness forgot for a moment that they were trapped in an underground tomb of a prison--

_I believe a pot of gold..._

--awaiting an uncertain fate at the hands of an undead army.

_Waits at every rainbow's ending..._

She stopped abruptly, and began rummaging around in her purse and produced a bottle of water. Ness rolled over onto his stomach and watched her. She pulled a small plastic cup out of her purse and filled it, offering it to Ness.

"This should take the edge off the hunger." She said.

Ness shook his head, "Thanks, but I really need to pee right now. Drinking water is a bad idea."

Paula nodded, then got a mischievous smile. She began to pour the water from the cup into the bottle and back again.

"UNCOOL!" Ness exclaimed.

Paula giggled, taking a drink from the cup. "Sorry, I couldn't resist. But now I've gotten you back for the birds and the bees crack you made earlier."

Ness sighed and rolled back onto his back, using his backpack as a pillow. "I think I preferred your singing."

Paula shrugged. There was silence. "So when is he getting here? What was his name again?" Ness asked.

"Jeff. I honestly don't know." Paula replied.

"How did you know to call him?" Ness asked.

Paula said, "Remember I told you about that dream I had? About destiny?"

Ness nodded.

"Well, it went like this."

X X X X X X X X

Paula stood on a hill, overlooking a flaming city. Hundreds of people, all of them running for their lives, rushed past her; she felt them knock into her, some of them stopping to try and persuade her to run away with them. But Paula could not run. She had to be there, she needed to see this. Above the city loomed a shadow, shapeless and hateful. It searched, scoured the city for persons or things unknown. There was a terrible weight in the air; Paula felt not only the fear of death and dread of the darkness before her, but a dreadful anticipation. She knew somehow that what lay before her was not yet happening. The shadow continued its relentless search, buildings crumbled under its touch, and it left death and misery in its wake.

"It's me you want! Leave these people alone!" a clear voice rang out.

A boy, standing alone in the midst of the city stood bravely against the darkness. The shadow didn't seem to see him at first. Then, without warning it charged and swallowed him up, whole. Paula screamed as the shadow expanded and swallowed everything, including her.

Then, light. It shone forth from the figure of the boy, beating the darkness back, keeping it at bay. Paula noticed that she and two other figures were also shining brightly. They were vague, and she could barely make out features. She looked at the first, the boy who had made his stand. He was sprawled out on his back, floating, clutching a blue shining sphere.

_He is Ness. _The fourth figure said, his words echoing in her mind.

She looked at the second figure, less clear. She saw glasses and bright blond.

_He is Jeff._ The fourth figure told her. His voice was scratchy, yet had a regal quality to it.

_And who are you?_ She asked him.

_Your friend._ He replied calmly. _We are all friends, though we have never met._

She looked back at first figure, at Ness. _Can I talk to him?_ She asked.

The fourth figure had begun to walk away and was now fading. _You can. You must. We must all meet. It is destiny._ He said over his shoulder. _At least, that's what they tell me._ He chuckled and faded completely. The other figure, the one called Jeff was stirring and also began to fade. _Ness..._ she called out, _can you hear me calling you?_

X X X X X X X X

"That was the night you contacted me." Ness said. Paula nodded. "So, you saw all four of us?"

"Not really," Paula said, "The fourth one, It was really hard to see him. The rest of us were dreaming, but somehow I don't think he was."

Ness nodded slowly, "I wonder who they are..." he said thoughtfully. His stomach growled rudely.

"Maybe we should do something to occupy ourselves." Paula suggested. With her foot she drew a large tic-tac-toe sign in the soft earthen floor of their cell.

Ness shrugged, "Anything to get my mind off my stomach..." And so they played Tic Tac Toe.

For an hour.

"If I play another cat's game I'm gonna kill myself." Ness said, kicking the dirt. "I hate cats."

"You do? Why?" Paula said, glad for the chance to make conversation after the last mind numbing hour.

Ness shrugged, "They're lazy, selfish, and stupid. You can't teach them anything, except how to crap in a box. I'm much more of a dog person."

"Oh really." Paula said. "Miko would be very offended if she heard you say that."

"Who's Miko?" Ness asked.

"My cat." Paula replied. "Besides, cats aren't lazy, selfish, or stupid. They're just more independent."

Ness was about to make a rebuttal when he thought he heard something. "Shh." he said. Straining to listen he noticed an odd undulating whir.

X X X X X X X X

After eight hours over the ocean Jeff was glad to finally see land. As Dr. Andonuts explained it he had built the sky runner to test an experimental propulsion system, which hadn't panned out because the damned thing only had a top speed of about three hundred miles an hour. And so after an unimaginably boring flight, Jeff found himself looking at the skyline of Fourside, Eagleland's largest city in terms of population. Jeff recognized the city, he had lived there as a child, staying with his step brother for a year at age five. He considered landing the sky runner here but decided against it, a big city like Fourside probably had very strict air traffic control laws. Actually, the more Jeff thought of it, the more gaining a good deal of altitude sounded like a good idea. The sky runner skimmed over the tops of a few sky scrapers before climbing higher into the sky. It was another two hours before Jeff reached the skies above Threed. Looking out the porthole he saw that the town was dark and looked largely deserted, but then it was ten o'clock at night.

Jeff had realized somewhere over the ocean that even though he knew he was going to Threed, he had no idea where within the town to find this Paula girl, if she existed at all. So he simply programmed the sky runner to circle around for a bit so that he could survey things and find a suitable landing place. As it turned out, however, the only places with clearings big enough and that weren't in the middle of the street were either grave yards or were otherwise occupied by circus tents, and he didn't really want to land in a graveyard. As Jeff was making his second pass over the grave yard, trying to decide what to do, he heard a distinct _bing _from the console. Checking the main monitor Jeff saw an error message which read, 'unhandled exception' He clicked the 'ok' button and another error message popped up. 'The program navigation.exe has made an illegal operation and will be shut down. Error 230 Redundant destination coordinates' There was a moment when the Sky runner's undulating whir stopped and the craft hung in the air. Then Jeff felt a surge in his stomach as the craft dropped out of the sky.

X X X X X X X X

Neither Ness nor Paula had been prepared when the ceiling suddenly caved in and a silver blur fell through and hit the floor with a loud crunch and a muffled thud. Ness approached the downed UFO cautiously and poked it with his bat. There was a tinny stream of profanity from inside as a young man crawled out of the dented hatch. He looked about Ness and Paula's age, taller, and much more scrawny. He wore thick, square glasses and had dust and soot in his platinum blond hair and on his pale freckled face. He brushed himself off, muttering obscenities about the inherent instabilities in the Windows kernel and Bill Gates' mother, not paying much attention to the pair already in the room.

"Hi." Ness said to him.

He looked up, recognizing the voice as the rude shout which had awakened him the night before.

"My name is Ness," Ness said, "and this is Paula. You must be Jeff."

"I'll be damned..." Was Jeff's only response. Then he shook his head, and crawled back inside the Sky runner. Ness gave Paula a doubtful look.

Jeff emerged from the fallen machine moments later with his bag and regarded Ness and Paula with a skeptical eye. "It must be a coincidence." He said at last, then nodded, "Yes, that's the only way to explain it." he squinted at them, and then shook his head. "I hadn't actually believed that they existed..."

"Hey, we're standing right here. We can hear you, ya know." Ness said, somewhat annoyed at Jeff's oddly rude behavior.

"I would introduce myself, but I see that there's no need." Jeff responded, "Obviously you already know who I am, though how you know and what you're doing in a place like this," He looked around the cell, "is a perplexing question, but in any case it makes introductions, at least on my part, a bit of a moot point." he strode past them to the door, and finding it locked, began to dig in his bag.

"It's locked." Ness called after him. "This is a prison cell, that's what we're doing here, and we know your name because we're psychic."

Jeff stopped, bad key machine in hand, and looked back at Ness. He let out an incredulous chuckle and began fiddling with the door.

"What's so funny?" Ness asked him.

"You don't seriously expect me to believe that the two of you are PSYCHIC! Sorry, but psychics and telepathy are the stuff of science fiction and video games. I don't believe in anything that can't be quantified." he said.

There was a loud snap and Jeff slid the door open.

"Yeah, I kinda did." Ness said, "You're here, aren't you?"

Jeff cocked an eyebrow at him. "What's that supposed to mean.

"Well, aren't you psychic too?" Ness asked.

Jeff furrowed his brow, "Hardly."

Ness turned to Paula, "Are you sure you called the right guy? I mean, he doesn't have any powers, what good is he?"

"Yes, Ness, I'm sure." Paula said, as she walked through the door, pausing long enough to thank politely Jeff on her way out. Ness was next followed by Jeff who was steadily muttering something about tarot card toting frauds. They proceeded down a corridor and up a ladder and out into the dark, open air.

Jeff spoke first. "Well, Now that we're out of that place, let's have an explanation. A real one."

Ness scowled, "You got it back in the cell. We're psychics and we needed help getting out of there."

"Quite." Jeff said, tight lipped, "And how was it, prey tell, that a couple of alleged psychics ended up in that cell in the first place?"

Ness shrugged, "Some zombies jumped us." he said.

There was a longish silence.

"Are you a pathological liar or do you just think I'm stupid?" Jeff said indignantly.

"The second one." Ness quipped.

"Oh, good, insult me why don't you!" Jeff said, his voice rising.

"Sure thing, _Asshole_." Ness said.

"A fine way to talk to someone who just rescued you, you ungrateful twit!" Jeff said.

"I don't see why I hafta' thank a glorified locksmith!" Ness said.

"It's good manners!" Jeff yelled, "Or did your mother not teach you etiquette?"

"Piss off ya stupid nerd!" Ness yelled back.

Jeff's scowl deepened. "Good riddance." He turned and stormed away.

Ness turned to meet Paula's reproachful gaze.

"What?" he said.

"You're usually so amiable. What happened?" She said, arms folded. The scowl hadn't left her face.

Ness shrugged, "That guy's just full of himself. It pisses me off."

"Maybe you should try to see things from his perspective." Paula said. "Our story probably does sound a little far fetched. And in his defense, you were being kind of a jerk."

"Well I have spent the last I don't know how long in a giant grave! Pardon me if I'm a little grumpy!" Ness yelled. "He's still a jerk." He muttered.

"I don't think so." Paula said. "You just didn't give him a chance. Get to know him, you know?"

Ness rolled his eyes, "Well, sorry. I can't read people's minds like you can."

Paula shook her head. "I didn't read his mind. Well, not successfully, anyway."

Ness gave her an inquisitive look.

"He thinks in equations." She said in response. "Anyway, we should probably go find him. He's 'chosen one' number three and we'll probably run into trouble if he gets turned into a zombie."

Ness sighed. "Fine." He said.

X X X X X X X X

Jeff scowled as he walked down the dark and empty streets. There was something about the darkness, something about the town was wrong but he couldn't quite place it. He was too pissed off. That Ness guy was just like most of the Neanderthals in Wallace Hall. A stupid jock with no brain. Jeff didn't need to talk to him for very long to figure that out, the kid carried around a baseball bat for crying out loud!

Jeff looked around for a pay phone. He didn't have a cell phone, because he had taken it apart for components when building the SPI. Not the smartest move in retrospect. Jeff cursed as he stumbled over something. It was dark on that particular side walk, the street lights were out, and the only light to be had was from the moons and other parts of the town that still had power. Wait, _moons_? Jeff looked up. He saw the moon, it looked dull and blank, and somehow off. Looking elsewhere in the sky Jeff saw a dull sliver of moon, barely noticeable in the dark, starless sky. But if that was the moon, then what was...?

In the midst of his bewildered pondering, a pungent and rather fowl stench brought his attention to his feet, and Jeff saw for the first time exactly what he had stumbled on. It was a... oh dear. It was a... a severed... human... arm.

For a time Jeff just stood there, staring. Then his brain unfroze and he took several disturbed steps backward. That was when he saw the dog, feeding off of the rest of the corpse. It looked rather pitiful upon closer inspection, it was starving clearly and had lost a few too many fights with other dogs, as its body was covered with large, open wounds, and Jeff could see its ribs through it's skin... and through the giant gash in it's side. Jeff pulled the SPI from his pocket, flipped it open and proceeded to scan the dog. The results were unnerving to say the least. The infra red scan returned nothing; the dog's body temperature was a flat fifty degrees. There were large amounts of gas both in and around the dog. Jeff didn't need the SPI, however to detect the various and small life forms within the dog's body. Maggots. Even from a distance he could see them crawling out of holes in the poor cur's head and body.

It was about then that the corpse the dog had been eating, which Jeff thought to be dead, began to move. It stood up, rotting and moaning, and began to walk with grotesque jerking movements towards Jeff. As he started to back away he felt someone grab his ankle and he fell. Looking down he saw that the severed rotting arm he had stumbled over had reanimated and was now clinging like a vice to his leg. Jeff nearly vomited from fear and disgust, then kicked his leg vigorously to shake the rotting appendage off of him. He stood and made ready to bolt, only to find more zombies to his rear.

_We were attacked by Zombies._ He remembered Ness' words. He fired at the nearest zombie, and the stun dart found its mark on the thing's chest. The corpse seized as the electricity coursed through it, but continued to advance, slightly smoking. Jeff should have panicked then, he should have lost his wits, as he had always expected he would in a life or death situation. Instead he found that he was calm, collected, and rational. True his heart was racing, and he could practically feel the adrenalin in his blood, but he was thinking as clearly as he ever had. He very calmly shot the zombie again, noticing that while the taser didn't stop them, it did slow them down, and at that moment he needed time to think of a way to escape. Looking around he saw that there was a car nearby. Was it locked? Probably. Smashing a window would leave him exposed, but he wouldn't have to, he had the Bad Key machine. _But,_ he asked himself, _I don't have a bent key for the machine to work from, so it could take time to get the right configuration. Do I have time to wait?_ He decided it didn't matter, he was out in the open as it was. He made a dash for the car. _Can the zombies run? Oh bugger, they can!_ He thought as they made pursuit with abnormal swiftness, the zombie dog was nipping at his heels. Jeff was not the fastest runner in the world, but he wasn't out of shape either. Even so, they caught up to him all too quickly. Jeff turned mid stride, readying his gun just as the undead hound leaped at him. Jeff fired. There was a flash of yellow and blue as Ness stepped between him and the dog and connected with a solid blow that actually split the zombie dog in half.

Unfortunately for Ness, Jeff had already pulled the trigger when he appeared so suddenly, and all he got for his trouble was a taser dart in the shoulder. Ness cried out in pain, and pulled the offending object out of his back, turning to glare at Jeff as he did. Jeff was taken aback. That thing was supposed to drop an adult in three seconds.

Ness leaped forward. There were three zombies, and Ness was pissed. He made short work of them, knocking one of the heads clean off and smashing another's brain in as Paula dispatched the third with her frying pan.

"Thanks for the assis-" Jeff began but was cut off mid sentence when Ness punched him full in the face. For the life of him Jeff couldn't figure out why Ness was so strong. Knocking the head off of a zombie was one thing, it was a rotting corpse and not too structurally sound. But one punch had lifted Jeff off the ground and planted him a few feet away.

"NESS!" Paula exclaimed, "What are you doing?!"

"I rescue you and you shoot me in the back! That REALLY hurt!"

Jeff tasted pennies. He spat a wad of warm blood onto the concrete. "You stepped in my line of fire." Jeff said. "I appreciate the assistance, but if that's how you say 'you're welcome' I'd just as soon take my chance with the zombies." Jeff said.

"What zombies?" Ness asked, angrily. "You don't believe in anything that can't be quantified." He walked past Jeff, making his way toward a large circus tent.

Paula stopped and offered Jeff a hand.

"We were stuck in that cell for a while, so he's a little cranky." Paula apologized as she helped him up, "Of course that's no excuse to be rude!" Paula called after Ness.

Jeff rubbed his jaw, "He's _a little_ cranky?"

X X X X X X X X

"You were still being a jerk." Paula said.

"I quite agree." Jeff said.

Ness scowled.

"I was talking to you too." Paula said to Jeff.

"Well excuse me for being rational!" Jeff exclaimed, "There has never been any evidence that could stand up to serious scientific scrutiny that supported the existence of ESP or PSI or anything of the sort."

"And yet there's never been anything to support the existence of zombies, and you were nearly eaten by them not ten minutes ago." Paula said.

"I'll concede that I was attacked by... something, but whatever those things are understanding them and explaining their origins is not outside the grasp of science."

They were standing in the middle of the circus and Ness was busily trying to find some food, he hadn't eaten in more than a day. Unfortunately it was late afternoon, lunch had passed and dinner had yet to come, and the Relief Corps had a rigid policy on rationing meals. Ness swore. He was hungry, irritable, and fairly sure that if Jeff didn't stop his self important ramblings about glories of science and the virtues of the scientific method, Ness would kill him.

"Sorry Kid," The portly man in charge of the mess tent said, "Meals are at six am, noon, and four thirty. No exceptions." He looked Ness over, "Dinner's in two hours, what are you so agitated about?"

Ness smacked his forehead. "Nothing." He said miserably.

The man, who looked like he never missed a meal, said, "Look, if you're that hungry, some of the restaurants in town might be still open."

"Really?" Ness asked hopefully.

"Yeah." The man shrugged, "People in this town, some of 'em, they go about their lives like usual. It's the only way to cope, know what I mean? Anyway, I think the Burger Duchy on 3rd is still open. At least it was yesterday. No promises, but you might go there."

"Alright!" Ness said, "Let's eat!"

"Eat where?" Paula asked.

"I'd rather not." Jeff said, "Just point me to wherever I need to go to get out of this miserable town." He said.

"You can't leave." Paula told him, "The tunnels in and out of the city are full of ghosts."

"Really." Jeff said, "Where are these tunnels?" He asked.

"You're not serious." Paula said, her eyes wide with worry.

"Let him go," Ness said, "If he wants to go get himself killed 'cause he's too full of himself to listen, then let him."

Jeff glared at Ness, "I recognize that after the incident with the... zombies, that there may actually be ghosts, but even if there are then I can at least study them and see if they're actually restless spirits or something more concrete."

"Don't be stupid!" Paula implored.

"No, Jeff, Be stupid." Ness urged.

Paula elbowed him.

"I'll be quite alright." Jeff said, "I simply need a better weapon."

"No, you won't be alright." Paula said. "we're going with you."

"We are?!" Ness exclaimed.

"Yes!" Paula said, glaring at him.

"Ok, two reasons why that's not happening." Ness said, "One: Neither of us has eaten in a long ass time, and neither of us are in any condition to protect four eyes here."

"I'll thank you not to call me-" Jeff began.

Ness cut him off, "Two: if nerd boy here wants to play Resident Evil and go wandering through a town full of zombies, I say we get him a gun and wish him Godspeed."

"Console games are lame." Jeff muttered.

"Shut the hell up." Ness said, irritated.

Paula sighed. "Ness, go find some food before I slap you." She said as sweetly as she could, "PSI is the only thing that can hurt the ghosts, so it's best that I go with him; Rockin' is far too wasteful." She turned to leave.

Ness scowled, "fine." he said, "Burger Duchy has too many calories anyway." And he stalked off, to get some food.

X X X X X X X X

"Is he always so disagreeable?" Jeff asked.

Paula shook her head, "Like I said, we were in that cell a long time."

They were walking south, making for the tunnels. Jeff looked at her, a little concerned.

"If that's the case then it might be best if you didn't come with me." he said, "You said yourself that neither of you had eaten in a while, and if your blood sugar is low you shouldn't be doing strenuous exercises, like fighting."

Paula waved his concern off. "I'll be fine." She said, hoping to God that the candy bars and coke she had pilfered from a broken vending machine outside an abandoned gas station would be enough to keep her going. She had felt a little light headed, but Paula always made it a point not to let anyone see her weak. Not if she could help it.

Jeff, for his part, felt fine, if a little apprehensive. They were walking through a town infested with zombies, after all. He had found a tray of dehydrated food on the sky runner. He had eaten it at nine fifteen Winters time, let's see that was... Then it hit him. That's what was bothering him earlier. The pale 'second moon' he had seen earlier hadn't been the moon at all. It had been the sun. And even though it was around eleven pm at Snow Wood, here in Eagleland it was just past three in the afternoon.

"The sun isn't shining." Jeff observed.

"Yeah." Paula said, "We're not entirely sure why."

They walked on in silence, Jeff pondering the ever increasing intrigue of the town's situation.

"We're telling the truth, you know." Paula said, "About being psychic, I mean. We really don't have any reason to lie about it."

Jeff shrugged. "As I said, I don't-"

"Believe in anything that can't be quantified." Paula said.

Jeff rolled his eyes, "You've heard me say it before, that's not proof that you're reading my mind."

"I never said it was." Paula replied, "Just proof that you're redundant."

"Very well then," Jeff said, "I'll think of a number between one and... oh, let's say a billion, and you find out what it is."

"Why?" Paula asked, "It's not as if you'll believe me."

"No." Jeff said, "But it's a start."

There was a pause.

"Um..." Paula said.

Jeff smirked, "Having trouble?" He asked.

Paula scowled. "I'm still in junior high, Jeff, I haven't gotten to calculus yet and I don't know what a derivative is!"

Jeff was stunned.

Paula stopped and looked around, sensing something.

"What is it?" Jeff asked.

Paula was glanced this way and that and for all intents and purposes, looked like she was sniffing with her mind. Presently she walked into an alley.

"This is a bad idea!" Jeff whispered harshly as he jogged to keep up with her.

"Why are you whispering?" She asked.

"Because the last time I checked entering dark alleys where zombies might possibly lurk was a very bad damn near suicidal idea!" Jeff said.

"But you don't believe in anything not quantifiable." Paula said, mimicking Ness' earlier jab.

"Yes, I've already conceded that these zombies exist, can we stop rubbing it in my face?" Jeff said.

"I'm not rubbing anything in your face." Paula said, "I'm simply making my point. If you're going to be with me and Ness, even for a little while, you'll have to think outside the box a little. Ah, here we are."

The fact was that there were no zombies down that dark alley, in fact there was nothing. All Jeff could see was a large dumpster, and a few old newspapers being blown against a fence.

"And where is here?" Jeff asked.

"We're not zombies, and we don't work with them, so you can come out Mr." Paula said, seemingly to no one.

Then, from behind the dumpster stepped a tall, stocky man in camouflage fatigues and a tight green T-shirt. He wore shades, had a buzz cut and a dog tag that read 'Henderson'.

"Keep your voice down, kid." Henderson said.

"Who are you?" Jeff asked.

"Call me Henderson." the man replied.

"He needs a gun." Paula said.

"I don't know anything about that." The man said.

Paula shook her head. "You do and you know it."

Henderson's eyes narrowed. "Fine." He said through tight lips, "The relief corps cleaned me out pretty good, but I have a few good items left, I may have what you need."

As it turned out, all Henderson had was a captive bolt pistol he had acquired through means unknown. Jeff bought it, along with several modified bottle rockets.

"How did you know he was there?" Jeff asked.

"I'm psychic, remember?" Paula said. "You sure you're ok with that thing?" She asked Jeff.

"It's normally used at short range, but I can see that this one's been modified, so it should be fine. These things are very powerful, but I've only twenty or so shots. We should be alright though."

Paula nodded. Then they both came to a sudden stop. Before them loomed the high steeple like top of another tent, though this one was tattered and full of holes. They both heard the low pitched growl, and the unearthly wail. _Come In..._ it called. Jeff looked at Paula.

"I really hate this town." He said.

X X X X X X X X

Ness walked down the empty street, his hands jammed in his pockets. He didn't like letting Paula run off into certain trouble, not in the condition she was in. She was taking great pains to hide it, but without rest and a decent meal she was operating on half power at best. Ness scowled darker. He would have liked to go with her, to protect her, but he knew that without eating a decent meal himself he wouldn't be much help in a jam. And as crabby as he was he'd only succeed at alienating everyone. He suspected that Jeff knew this too. Deep down Ness knew that Jeff wasn't all bad, he was just stubborn, a little over confident in his intellect, and very defensive about what he did and did not know or understand. Not a very good set of traits given their situation, and Ness' own low blood sugar only exacerbated things.

Ness reached the Burger Duchy and found it open, thankfully. He ordered a Biggun and a side of fries; nothing too big, he needed to get going and soon. He sat at the table and proceeded to wolf down his food. Two bites into his burger Ness got the distinct impression that he was being watched. He looked up to see a kid his own age staring at him excitedly from across the nearly empty restaurant, as if he had some secret to divulge. He came over and sat at the table across from Ness.

"I gotta tell someone before I burst." The kid said, "You look like you're just passing through, so..."

Ness decided to ignore the kid, he had more pressing matters on his mind. He continued to eat, only pretending to listen.

"I work for the zombies." The kid said in a hushed tone.

Ness' head snapped up.

"Yeah, it seems weird, but they're obviously going to win, so I figured I'd join the right side. Anyway, my boss tells me that we ambushed the only people that could beat him, some kid and his girlfriend, and we're holding them underground until they starve to death."

_Not quite..._ Ness thought.

"Anyway, with them out of the way the boss is starting the real operation, and the town won't know what hit it. I'm not sure what the exact plan is, but it's gonna be good. They started stockpiling fly honey in our new headquarters in the south part of town."

Alarms went off in Ness' head. That's where Jeff and Paula were headed.

"That's how the boss got so strong, you know. He always eats peanut butter and fly honey sandwiches."

"Why are you telling me this?" Ness asked, a little suspicious.

"Why not?" The kid said arrogantly, "It's not like you can do anything about it. Nobody can. We're unstoppable with those dumb kids out of commission."

Ness nodded thoughtfully. Then he said, "This kid you guys ambushed, what did he look like?"

The kid shrugged, "I dunno, they just told me he was a kid in a red cap named-"

"Ness?" Ness said.

The kid looked at Ness quizzically, then his eyes widened with alarm as realization dawned. And then Ness threw him through a window.

X X X X X X X X

Jeff and Paula stepped tentatively through the fanged arch of the old circus' gateway. The atmosphere was saturated with malice. Before them stood three figures desperately trying to look like clowns, though their painted smiles and colorful clothing merely accentuated their features and made them look more like what they were. Demons. The first was tall, with grotesquely long arms and a diminutive torso. He wore black and green checkered pants and suspenders over a grimy white shirt. His eyes were wide and his tiny pupils jumped about sporadically. His face was painted into a perpetual smile that looked odd on top of his fanged leer.

The second clown was smaller, and resembled a black and red medieval Jester. Her eyes were small, beady and hateful. The third was portly and sported a ratty black tuxedo with a matching top hat of obscene height. He spoke first. "Welcome to the circus, dear children! HAVE FUN!!"

Though those were the words he spoke, Jeff and Paula both understood them to mean, 'we're going to kill you,' Paula made ready for a battle.

"We should run." Jeff said.

"We should." Paula agreed, "But they aren't going to let us."

Jeff turned around, calculating their escape route, only to find that they had inexplicably arrived in the middle of the circus.

"What the hell?!" He demanded. He felt odd, his vision was fuzzy, as if there were cotton in his eyes.

"I don't know how they did it," Paula said, "but if we want to get out of here alive, we have to stick together."

Jeff nodded gravely, then Paula promptly vanished from sight.

"Oh Bugger." he said.


	11. The Haunted Circus

The Haunted Circus

Paula found herself outside of a fun house, fun being a fairly loose term. The place was shabby and rundown, covered from top to bottom with rust and holes. It was shaped like a large clown's head smiling viciously down at Her. On the steps leading into the fun house stood the tall clown.

"Call me Mephisto, the dealer." he beckoned Paula upstairs before vanishing into the darkness of the fun house. Paula hesitated a moment before furrowing her brow and giving chase.

Inside, Paula found herself in a corridor lined with mirrors and mist, as if someone had gotten carried away with some dry ice. She heard the clown's booming laugh from the far end of the hall and proceeded forward cautiously, frying pan at the ready. She jumped when she saw her grossly distorted reflection in her peripheral vision. "Fun house, right. Gotta remember that." She muttered to herself.

At the end of the corridor Paula found herself in an expansive room lined with more mirrors. The doorway faded out of existence as she passed through it.

"Trapped like a rat in a cage." Mephisto's voice echoed. "It seems you've run out of luck!"

The myriad of reflections that met her gaze shrank and swirled from their twisted, disproportionate forms into normal images of herself as the demonic jester materialized in the center of the room. He was holding a deck of cards, which he manically flicked from one hand to the other. He drew a four of diamonds and held it up towards her as if he were demonstrating a magic trick.

"PSI FIRE!" Paula cried, flinging a wall of fire at him. He dodged her attack with a vaguely frog like motion, then touched the back of the card. There was a flash of crimson as a shower of red crystals shot out of the card at Paula.

X X X X X X X X

The tall clown had already disappeared and the portly one was now fading as well. Only the short jester looking woman remained to face Jeff. She flashed a mischievous, fanged smile. She opened her mouth, jaw stretching to grotesque proportions, and produced the hilt of a sword, which she withdrew from her throat. She twirled it in her hands and it split into two with a shower of sparks, one blade bursting into flames and the other misty with cold and condensation.

"I am Olivier, the Harlequin." She said with a bow, "This is hello, and... GOODBYE!!" She charged Jeff, slashing the air in front of him. A wave of flame erupted from her fiery sword; Jeff was just barely able to dodge. He padded his sleeve, extinguishing the small blaze before firing at the deranged jester twice. She dodged his volleys with ease before charging him, slashing madly. Though he much preferred ranged combat, Jeff was fairly competent at close quarters fighting, though two semesters of Judo didn't qualify him as a great fighter. He ducked and dodged well enough to avoid most of her attacks, but she did hit him twice with the blunt ends of her swords. Jeff stumbled back as he fired, grazing his opponent's cheek. Olivier pressed her apparent advantage and charged. Jeff pistol whipped her in the face fired three shots at her torso; she was swift, however. The first shot hit her just below the right lung, the second missed her entirely, though the third grazed her left side.

X X X X X X X X

The crystals flew towards Paula but she dodged them with relative ease. What this Mephisto character hadn't counted on was Paula's position as the star sprinter on the Twoson Junior High girl's track team. Mephisto readied another card, but Paula charged in, flailing her frying pan at the demonic clown. He dodged her attacks with odd dance like movements before she scored two very satasfying hits. Mephisto stepped back and melted into one of the mirrors behind him, he tossed the eight of clubs at her with a sudden flick of his wrist. The card whizzed past her, leaving a small paper cut on her cheek. He began slinking out of a mirror to Paula's right, she charged and smashed it to pieces.

"That's bad luck!" Mephisto Jeered as he smashed the palm of his hand into Paula's face. He drew the three of diamonds and fired, one of them finding its mark on Paula's lower right torso. She managed to dodge the second but felt a rib crack under the impact of the third.

X X X X X X X X

Jeff chuckled, his feint had worked. His amusement was short lived, though. The murderous Olivier raised both swords, buzzing threads of electricity crawled up and down the blades. She touched them together and a wide arc of lightning lashed out at Jeff piercing his shoulder and flinging him backwards. He stood slowly and painfully, aside from the pain of being struck by lightning, the air around him was so charged with electricity that Jeff was finding it hard to move. "Oh no..." he muttered to himself. He reached into his pack with his trembling good hand, and withdrew a bottle rocket just as she unleashed a blast of icy wind from one of her swords. Jeff dove to the side, largely avoiding the blast, but found his leg encased in ice. He planted the rocket, tallied some quick calculations in his head, aimed it, and pulled the ignition cord. The rocket's sudden flight caught Olivier off guard and carried her backwards several feet before it exploded. She fell to the ground, unmoving. Jeff cautiously approached his vanquished foe, who in response looked up at him with malevolent glee. There was a brilliant flash of light from somewhere behind him and the world seemed to disconnect, and everything went black.

X X X X X X X X

Mephisto chuckled, "Having trouble, little girl?" he mocked.

She was as a matter of fact. She didn't know why, but she felt as if all six of her senses were straining through a thick haze. Whatever it was was seriously interfering with her fighting. _Enough of this!_ She thought angrily. Paula's hair began to stand on end as she ionized the air around her. "PSI THUNDER!" she cried, and discharged a bolt of lightning in her opponent's general direction. He tilted his head to the side, dodging it easily. The lightning struck a mirror, which rippled slightly as the bolt passed through it.

Mephisto began thumbing through his deck.

"PSI FREEZE!" Paula launched a freezing blast at him as he contorted himself around the attack, drawing the ace of spades. _What the...?_ Paula thought, as she noted the icy wind also ripple through the mirrors. Something wasn't right. Her attention snapped back to her opponent as he fired a large, ornate spearhead from his card. It hit Paula's left shoulder and carried her backwards several feet before, to her surprise, it exploded. The world seemed to distort as she hit the ground. Mephisto approached, laughing maniacally, ready to end it. Warning bells were going off in Paula's mind; her keen psychic awareness had noticed that something was out of place, and she tried desperately to pierce the unseen veil shrouding her vision. Gravely injured as she was, she found that she simply couldn't hold her concentration. Mephisto was almost upon her, so she did the only thing she could.

Paula prayed with her whole heart.

Somewhere off in the distance there was a glorious light and a stream of profanity. The room seemed to swirl and distort, the figure of Mephisto faded into Jeff. His eyes rolled back into his head, and he passed out.

There was a flash and Paula found herself at the entrance of the circus. Everything around her began to distort, like a television set with bad reception. The squat clown in the top hat cursed and fumed as he faded into static and then into a very familiar figure. There before her stood Pokey Minch.

Paula was instantly furious. "YOU!" she cried.

"How did you...?!" Pokey was equally agitated. He looked about frantically. "The statue... it..." He fixed Paula with an angry glare. "This isn't over!" He squealed. He turned and ran around the large tattered circus tent and was gone.

Paula looked at the tent.

And oddly enough, the tent looked right back.

X X X X X X X X

Jeff awoke to find Paula not far off. She was on her knees, hunched over and holding a singed and bloody shoulder. She tried to stand, faltered, and fell back on one knee. Jeff had a keen mind and his powers of deduction bordered on the miraculous, so it didn't take him long to notice that Paula's injuries were perfectly identical to the wounds he had inflicted upon Olivier. No way...

"What...?" He began to ask.

"It was some kind of illusion." Paula said, staring with apprehension at something in front of her.

"We need to get you out of here." Jeff said, assuming that their battle was over.

Paula shook her head, "I'm a little busy Jeff, In case you hadn't noticed, we have company!" she said, still staring ahead.

Jeff followed her gaze and saw nothing spectacular. It was the same deserted circus, the rundown carnival rides, the abandoned hot dog stand, the big tent with gleaming fangs... He did a double take. The tent had fangs, and eyes. Big, glaring eyes. Jeff gulped, hard.

"What the hell kind of town is this?!" Jeff demanded.

Paula made another go at standing and this time made it to her feet. She felt light headed and stumbled a little as she took a step toward the tent.

"PSI..." She faltered, "Fire..." There was a spark from her hand, but it fizzled. She was exhausted, and had nothing left.

"You need to go, we have to get out of here!" Jeff said. He looked around. They were surrounded. The zombies advanced, a noose tightening around them.

"This is about the time that the hero shows up and saves the day..." Paula said, a little lightheaded.

"No sense waiting for him!" Jeff said, he had caught the fact that she meant Ness. "Bloody Hell!" He said, and fired into the ranks of undead, always aiming for the head.

"Go!" he said, "I'll hold them off."

Paula took two dazed steps forward before she realized what he had said, "NO!" she protested, "You're in no better condition than me! We stick together!"

Jeff didn't have time to argue. "Fine, I'm right behind you. Just run!"

And so they ran, Jeff was behind her for a time. Paula stumbled and fell, got back up and kept running. She glanced over her shoulder and saw that Jeff was no longer behind her. She was in mid stride, still looking back when she felt arms close around her and she was lifted bodily off the ground.

X X X X X X X X

The zombies had made chase and were gaining. They were a far cry from the slow ambling corpses Jeff had always seen in old movies. No, these were the murderous rage driven zombies of the new millennium. Jeff knew that continued retreat would get them both killed, he also knew that with his shoulder injured as it was, he would be overrun very quickly if he stopped, so he decided on a very risky maneuver. He reasoned that judging by their formation, the zombies were guarding the rundown circus with the possessed tent, and therefore decided to make an assault on this boogie tent to draw the zombies off of the injured Paula. He knew that there was a slim chance it would work, and that if it did it would shorten his lifespan considerably, but he felt he owed it to Paula after injuring her so. He peeled off and fired into the zombies, clearing an opening for him to run through. Straight to the boogie tent. To his surprise, immediate delight, and eventual dismay his plan worked, and he soon had twelve angry corpses pursuing him right back into the haunted circus.

Firing directly at the tent proved useless. His shots pierced the dirty, tattered canvas, but seemed to cause the thing little hurt. Jeff found that shooting the tent's support struts seemed slightly more effective, he heard the crack of wood splintering and the tent grimaced in pain, but after four shots Jeff was out of ammo. He hastily planted a rocket, hoping he could launch it before the zombies caught up. He was just reaching for the string when he felt cold hands grab him. The dirty rotting nails pierced his clothes, dug into the tender charred flesh of his wounded shoulder. Jeff cried out in pain and fear as they dragged him, kicking and screaming away from the bottle rocket. He felt one of them take a bite out of his forearm, and another sinking its teeth into his leg. He struggled to move, to breathe, anything. The pain was immense and the pervasive smell of decay stifling. Jeff had never guessed that it would end that way, torn apart and eaten by zombies. He honestly hadn't seen it coming. A part of Jeff resigned himself to death, while another part screamed to fight, to hold on. And then...

"PSI ROCKIN!" the voice barely audible over the racket the zombies were making, but the swirling stream of unadulterated power that vaporized them stood out clearly in Jeff's mind. He felt the heat from the attack, but somehow the energy flowed around him, as though someone were willing it to attack only the undead. As it turned out, that someone was Ness.

Jeff looked absolutely dreadful lying there and looking up at Ness with fearful eyes.

"Don't come near me!" He shouted.

Ness rolled his eyes. "I told you I was psychic. Believe me, if I wanted you dead I would have done it by now."

"Not that!" Jeff said, "I've been bitten! You have to keep away from me!" He tried to stand, to run away, but all he managed to do was falter and fall on his face. Ness laughed.

"You're not gonna turn into a zombie." Ness said, "They have to do more than bite you."

Jeff looked up to see Ness squatting over him. There was a gutteral roar from behind; the boogie tent was angry.

"I'll explain later." Ness said, "Right now we've got work to do. PSI lifeup... beta!" Jeff's wounds closed in short order and he stood hesitantly. Ness approached the tent confidently and took hold of one of it's support struts. After some straining he pulled the stout wooden pole out of the ground with a triumphant chuckle. The tent, however, was not so defenseless. The strut suddenly swung out and sent Ness flying before placing itself back into the ground defiantly.

"A wise guy, huh?!" Ness challenged. He charged the tent.

Jeff ran to the now toppled bottle rocket, adjusted it and fired. The rocket whizzed past the still charging Ness, into the tent's mouth and exploded, setting the boogie tent ablaze.

"Watch where you shoot that!" Ness bellowed, "You nearly hit me, _again_!"

Jeff smirked, "You've got psychic healing powers, deal with it!"

Ness scowled, then hurled himself at the tent, bashing its now burning wooden frame with his bat. The tent wailed and collapsed into a flaming pile of canvas and wood. Ness and Jeff watched the boogie tent flail and groan as it burned. Two zombies that had been nearby were trying to wade through the flames to save something, needless to say they didn't make it.. The two were silent for a time, listening intently to the the fire crackle and sputter. Then Jeff shouted, "Oh my God! Paula!"

"Relax." Ness said, "She's fine, I saw to that." Jeff gave him an uneasy look. "In the meantime," Ness continued, "Why don't you go see what was so important to those zombies that they'd sacrifice their lives... er, well, afterlives to save it."

"In case you hadn't noticed, the thing is still burning." Jeff said.

Ness closed his eyes and concentrated. He lifted his hand and then brought it down, pointing at the fire as he did. An unseen force pushed the fire to the sides, opening a path through the blaze which was only slightly smoldering.

"I can hold this for a while," Ness said, "But still, you'd better hurry."

Jeff hesitated for a moment, then sprinted in. In the center of the fire was a blackened trash can still hot; he had to use his jacket to open it. Inside Jeff found a jar of foul smelling green sludge.

X X X X X X X X

Bethany eyed the golden idol before her. Even in its cracked and damaged state, she felt its undeniable pull. It was all she could do to keep from falling to her knees in reverence.

"Cool, isn't it!" A nasal voice said from behind.

"Pokey." She nodded in greeting.

Pokey cleared his throat. "I prefer Master Pokey, it's got a nice ring to it."

"How was it damaged?" She asked.

"That damn girl!" Pokey scowled. "One minute she was on the ropes, and the next thing I know the statue's cracked and the illusions are on the fritz. Stupid little trick..."

"So you fought her." Bethany asked.

"Better." Pokey grinned gleefully, "I had her and some nerdy spaz fight each other."

Bethany smiled, "Such is the power of Mani Mani. I literally owe this statue my existence."

"Yep." Pokey said, "This thing is awesome! When it works, that is." He kicked the statue, earning a glare from Bethany.

"Don't do that you fat prick!" She yelled.

"It's not as if it matters." He replied, "It's over. We're leaving."

Bethany raised an eyebrow, "What about Belch? The campaign here?"

Pokey shook his head, "I've already cleared it with Mr. Barfbags, What we need to do now is get this damn statue repaired, and we can't do that here. Besides, my stupid neighbor Ness just blew up the boogie tent and got his hands on a whole jar of fly honey. If they figure out what we use it for, they may just win the town."

"And what's the plan from our glorious leader?" Bethany asked.

Pokey was silent for a moment, then spoke in an altogether different voice. "Bethany, my dear, I have an assignment for you. When we arrive in Fourside, we will no doubt be pursued by that meddlesome boy and his ever growing entourage. Things will prove inconvenient should they meet their fourth. So why don't you be a dear and stick it to that band our little friend loves so much?"

Bethany nodded, "I understand, Master."

X X X X X X X X

"Where is she?!" Ness demanded, fists clenched. The poor orderly he had cornered in the now empty medical tent cowered before him, knowing full well the grave danger he would be in if he pissed Ness off further.

"I told you, she was moved!" The orderly pleaded.

Jeff placed a hand on Ness' shoulder, earning him a glare. He ignored it and said, "Calm down, Ness. You're scaring the poor man."

Ness scowled a bit longer before yielding. "Ok. Starting again. Where is she, and why was she moved?"

"We took back the hospital yesterday..." The orderly said, "We've been moving the sick and injured there."

"Oh." Ness said, looking a little emberrassed. "Sorry for the misunderstanding!" He moved to help the poor man up. The orderly only screamed and cowered further, so Ness turned to leave

"You're very protective of her." Jeff observed.

"Well, yeah. She's my friend." Ness said casually.

"And that gave you cause to throw him across the tent?" Jeff asked.

Ness shrugged, "I said I was sorry. 'Don't know my own strength and stuff, ya know?"

They walked in silence for a time before Jeff spoke up. "You're from... Onett, wasn't it?"

Ness nodded.

"And Paula's from... It's not here, is it?" Jeff asked.

"Twoson." Ness said, shaking his head.

"And you're both here in Threed of your own volition?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah." Ness said, "Why?"

"Well, I was just wondering why two people would willingly go through a tunnel filled with ghosts to come to a town infested by zombies. I guess what I'm trying to ask is, what exactly are you and Paula doing here in Threed anyway?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Ness said.

Jeff shrugged, "After what I've seen today I'm very much ready to make concessions in my views of what is and isn't feasible. Honestly, I wouldn't be too skeptical if you said you were fighting the Alien warlord Xenude."

"Giygas, actually." Ness said.

"Giygas?"

"Yep. He's some universal cosmic alien destroyer guy, and he's trying to take over Earth." Jeff just stared blankly. "Apparently," Ness continued, "You, me, Paula, and some other guy are the only people that can stop him."

"Giygas?" Jeff repeated dumbly.

"Yeah, Giygas. You feelin' alright?"

"No, I'm fine. It's just... Giygas? It sounds a little ridiculous."

"I told you you wouldn't believe me." Ness said.

"No, it's not that. You may very well be telling the truth, it's just that... Giygas? It sounds like something from an old science fiction movie, or Star Trek or something."

Ness laughed, "You'd know, right?"

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Jeff asked.

"You're a nerd, you go all gaga over that show, don't you?" Ness said.

"Actually I hate Star Trek." Jeff said.

"Oh." Said Ness, "I just assumed..."

Jeff tsk tsk'ed at this. "You know what they say about assuming."

"That you're a dick?" Ness said.

There was a pause.

"Well played." Jeff conceded.

"Thanks." Ness smiled.

"I must say, you're much more amiable." Jeff observed.

"Well yeah! No food. Stuck in a grave, we've been over this." Ness said.

"Right, right." There was another silence as they walked through the dark, empty streets of Threed. "So... Aliens?" Jeff said.

"Yep." Ness replied.

"Do you think the zombies here have anything to do with this Giygas character?"

Ness nodded, "I know they do." He stopped. "Listen, Jeff. You and I got off to a bad start, but the fact is that Paula and I will probably need your help to stop Giygas." He held out his hand, "So why don't we let bygones be bygones and try to be a team. You in?"

"Well I don't know, you did punch the living daylights out of me." Jeff said, adjusting his glasses.

"Yeah, after you shot me with a taser. That shit hurts ya know!"

Jeff looked down at Ness's hand, then back at his face.

"Well?" Ness asked.

"Well give me a gun and call me Freeman, I'm in."

"I love that game!" Ness said as they shook hands.

"You've played Half-Life?" Jeff said, looking Ness over, "So you do have a soul."

There was a pause.

"Nice one." Ness said.

X X X X X X X X

The walls were pastel colored, soft blues, and agreeable patterns against a backdrop of plain, sterile white. Most people would think she was crazy, but Paula liked hospitals; they were places of healing. Granted many people die everyday in hospitals, but many more were also born, and the sense of balance that that established felt nice. Yes, Paula liked hospitals, though she couldn't remember exactly how she had arrived at this particular one. She remembered running through the streets of Threed like a frightened deer pursued by wolves, nervously picking shrapnel out of her shoulder, and then someone grabbed her. She had assumed that that someone had been a zombie, and the shock coupled with her injuries had been too much and she had passed out. There were some vague flashes of a tent, and some doctors...

She noticed for the first time the man sitting by her bedside. He looked familiar. Wasn't he...?

"Oh, you're awake!" He exclaimed upon seeing her.

"Good morning." Paula said uncertainly, "You're...?"

"Jim." He said, introducing himself.

"Oh, right!" Paula said, recognizing him, "You're the guy we saw when we first got to Threed! How is... um..."

"Allison." Jim said, filling in the gap.

"Yes, how is she doing?"

Jim looked over his shoulder, "She's in there with that healer guy... I guess he's an exorcist or something..."

Paula nodded. "Um... Shouldn't you be in there with her?" She asked.

Jim gulped nervously, "I would, but your boyfriend told me to keep an eye on you. He sounded kinda pissed, and after what he did to those zombies, I don't want any of that anger directed at me."

"My boyfriend?" Paula puzzled.

"Yeah, the kid in the red cap, Ness wasn't it?"

"He's not my boyfriend." Paula giggled, blushing, "We just travel together."

"Oh... sorry..."

"It's alright." Paula said, "Um... where is he, anyway?"

"I don't know." Jim said, "he brought you into the camp, told me to look after you, then left. He said something about saving a nerd..."

OH no! Paula thought, I have to warn him about the-

"I still think it would be cool. Come on now, a gravity gun? You could kick so much ass with that!" It was Ness' voice.

"Yes, I agree, but it's not terribly feasible."

"Well, I have telekinesis and that's not what most people call 'feasible'"

"A good point, but still--"

Ness walked through the door. "You're up!" He exclaimed happily. "Thanks Jim!"

"Uh... No problem." Jim said meekly. He excused himself.

"Feeling any better?" Jeff asked as he walked through the door.

Paula nodded. Her shoulder still ached a little, but for the most part she was fine. She suspected Ness had something to do with that.

"Well, you two seem to be getting along much better." She observed. "You're not at each other's throats!"

"It seems we've reached an understanding." Jeff said.

"Yeah," Ness said, "Jeff's not completely useless. He took out a big monster tent basically by himself."

There was a tinny beep as the Star Wars theme filled the room. The three looked about for a moment, puzzled before Ness remembered Apple Kid's Phone in his backpack. He answered.

"Hello, Ness?" Apple Kid said.

"Hey, what's up Apple Kid?"

"Not much, not much... Hey, I heard a rumor you went to Threed, is that true?"

"Um... yeah."

"I see. I heard some pretty odd things about that place."

"What? Zombies?"

"Yeah, pretty crazy, huh?"

"Not as crazy as you'd think. They're kinda... real."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, a bunch of them jumped me and Paula a few days ago."

"You don't say... that's actually really great! Well, not you getting jumped, I mean, I hope everyone's alright and all, I was talking about the zombies. It may be the chance I need to test my new invention. Zombie Paper!"

"Zombie Paper?" Ness asked.

"Yes. It's kind of lame compared to the pencil eraser, but I have some theories about the behavioral tendencies of reanimated corpses, and why they're specifically attracted to brains. If this pans out, you could probably get rid of all the zombies in the area!"

"Well that's great Apple Kid, but how are you going to get it to me? There's really no way in or out of this town."

"No worries." Apple kid said, "I've actually already sent it to you via Mach Pizza. You should get it soon. "

"Thanks Apple Kid, I owe you."

"Nonsense." Apple kid said, "you gave me food AND funding, we're friends for life! Anyway, I'd better get back to work, I'll be in touch."

"Alright!" Ness said, "Bye." He hung up.

"You know Apple Kid?" Jeff asked Ness.

"Yeah." Ness said, "Do you?"

"Only by reputation. He's sort of my rival." Jeff said.

Ness nodded, "Didn't he take you on a date one time, Paula?"

Paula rolled her eyes. "No, it was Orange Kid, and it wasn't a date, just a movie, which I didn't get to watch!"

"You dated Orange Kid?" Jeff asked with disgust.

Paula said, "I said it wasn't a date. And why do you say it like that? At least he bathes regularly."

Jeff shrugged, "The matter of hygiene aside, Orange Kid is a bigger thief than Eric Bauman. The only thing he's ever not ripped off from Apple kid was a media player that he ripped off from ME! But, I digress, what did Apple kid say?"

"He wanted to tell me about his new invention. It should really help."

"What is it?" Paula asked.

X X X X X X X X

As they exited the hospital they were stopped by a portly man in a top hat and a pin striped button down shirt and suspenders. He carried a large pizza box with the word MACH printed on it. He addressed Ness.

"Hey, Kid, you want this pizza? I was just gonna throw it away, the guy who ordered it is a zombie, and it's against our policy to serve the living dead."

Ness shrugged, "Sure!" he took the pizza.

"By the way, I've been wandering around here looking for some kid named Ness. This weird guy named Apple kid asked me to deliver something to him, but I'm not some stinkin' delivery guy."

"Yes you--" Jeff started.

"Don't interrupt, kid. Anyway, I've decided to pretend you're Ness, 'cause I don't get paid enough for this." He handed Jeff the package.

"But... I'm Ne--" Ness began.

"What'd I say?!" The pizza man barked, "I've decided that you're Ness no matter what. Anyway, take Apple kid's package and do whatever with it, I don't care, I'm done here." He stalked off.

"Well that was rude." Paula said.

"In his defense, it was very careless of Apple Kid to trust the delivery of something so important to a pizza guy." Jeff said.

Ness shrugged, "Whatever, I'm just stoked we got a free pizza out of it! You hungry guys?"

Jeff shook his head.

"So where to now?" Paula asked.

"We go back to the circus so I can eat this pizza!" Ness said.

"Actually," Jeff said, "I was hoping to see those tunnels."

"You still want to leave? After after all thats happened?" Paula said.

"Um... hello? Free pizza here!" Ness said.

Jeff shook his head, "From what you've told me, these ghosts are at the center of the zombie outbreak, if Apple Kid's invention is successful it will only mean a temporary tactical advantage. Understanding the ghosts will mean the difference between winning the battle and winning the war."

Paula nodded, "See Ness, that's the strategy we needed when we first got here."

Ness shrugged, "Yeah, but if we hadn't done things my way we never would have gotten ambushed and never would have needed Jeff to come rescue us. So his strategy is just an extension of mine."

"What?" Jeff said, looking up from his SPI.

"He didn't hear a word." Ness said.

"I told you." Paula said, "He thinks in equations."

X X X X X X X X

_GO BACK!!_ a chorus of shrill, unearthly voices called from inside the tunnel, as rows of partially opaque corpses formed a solid barrier, daring the three children to step within their domain. The mass of specters made the hairs on Paula's neck stand up and sent a chill down her spine. "Can we go please?" She asked. Even Ness looked a little pale.

Jeff however was unperturbed, and busily scribbled calculations into the SPI.

"Jeff, They look agitated." Paula said.

"They look pissed off!" Ness exclaimed, looking around warily for an ambush.

"Do they now." Jeff said absently, chewing on the stylus in concentration.

"We should go..." Paula said.

"Just a minute..." Jeff said.

I don't know about you," Paula said nervously, "in every ghost story I've ever heard, tortured souls of the departed tend to be very territorial."

There was a beep from Jeff's SPI. "AHA!" he said triumphantly, "Tortured souls of the departed also tend not to have a physical makeup! Take that Harry Price!"

"Awesome, can we go now?" Paula asked.

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "You two are certainly timorous for a couple of psychics."

"Have you noticed the army of ghosts?" Ness said.

Jeff shrugged and turned to leave.

"So what's your verdict? Can we beat them?" Paula asked.

"I don't know yet." Jeff answered.

"What?!" Ness demanded, "You spent all that time and you still don't know?"

"It was only a few seconds." Jeff answered, "And I still have to analyze my findings, they've raised more questions than answers, but I do believe that my preliminary hypothesis was valid."

"Being?" Ness and Paula asked together.

Jeff didn't respond, he simply continued walking, muttering to himself.

Paula gave Ness an exasperated look.

"What?" Ness said, "You called him."

They arrived at the circus ten minutes later.

"I need to study this a bit. Will you need help placing the zombie paper?"

"No, go ahead." Ness said, "I've got it."

Jeff nodded, "Oh, and by the way, could you loan me that fly honey we found?"

Ness nodded, digging the jar out of his backpack, "What do you need it for?"

"A hunch." Jeff said. He turned to leave and then abruptly turned back to them, "Is there anywhere in this town to sleep? I'm actually rather exhausted."

"Anybody want to try risking the hotel?" Paula asked.

Ness nodded, "Gladly. We owe those bastards."

The hotel's clerk was decidedly human and most definitely alive.

"We took back the hotel early this morning." He explained, "You kids have been a huge help. Wish you had gotten here sooner though, a few days ago the zombies got some kids here. It's a damn shame."

"Yeah, that was us." Ness said.

The clerk was dumb struck.

"I guess that means we have to book new rooms, huh?"

He nodded slowly. "How come you're not... dead... well, undead... er... whatever?"

"It'll take more than a bunch of smelly dead guys to take us out. Right guys?" Ness got no reply, Paula and Jeff were already making their way up the stairs.

X X X X X X X X

"I thought you were tired." Paula said around a mouthful of pizza.

"Look who's talking with their mouth full now!" Ness exclaimed, his own mouth stuffed. They were sitting cross legged on one of the beds, the Extra large box of pizza between them.

"I haven't eaten anything but a few candy bars in almost three days, I'm allowed. And besides," She swallowed, "I'm a lady."

"Yes, you're a shining beacon of refinement." Jeff said from the desk. "And while I am very tired and suffering from a dreadful case of jet lag, I'm used to sleep deprivation, it's my cocaine." He took a bite of pizza.

"You know what would go really great with this?" Ness said, "Buffalo wings. Too bad we don't have any... or do we?!" He pulled a large box labeled Zazzy's out of his backpack.

"When did you...?" Paula asked.

"I saw that they were open on the way to meet up with you guys. I didn't know how long they'd stay open, so I picked this up."

Jeff whirled around "We nearly killed each other and you were off stuffing your face?!"

"Here they go again..." Paula sighed.

"Yeah," Ness said, "Because somebody didn't believe that we were psychic and wanted to get a closer look at the freakin' ghosts!"

"I thought you guys had reached an understanding!" Paula said.

"Understanding or no that was irresponsible, Ness!" Jeff said.

"Well pardon me for thinking you could take care of yourself!" Ness replied, "It's not like running off on your own to look at ghosts is any more responsible!"

There was a sudden flash of blue and the temperature of the room plummeted. "When the two of you decide to grow up, you can start talking again, but until then, please shut up." Paula said, looking aggravated. "Ness, you should have thought with your brain and not with your stomach." Jeff looked triumphant for a moment, but was instantly squashed when Paula said, "And Jeff, if Ness had gotten there sooner he might have been caught in the illusion too. And while _you_ haven't seen him really fight, I have, and I'm pretty sure that one of us would have ended up dead. Now, Ness, go warm up the pizza and turn up the thermostat." Needless to say, Ness obeyed.

He continued to eat and Jeff continued to work both in mutual fear of Paula. At length Ness said, "Hey, Jeff, will it bother you if I turn on the TV?"

"No," Jeff said, "If I can work with my roommate blaring ska music all the time, I can work through anything."

"Good luck getting any reception" Paula said, "I don't think the cable is working, given the situation." She said.

"Oh." Ness said as he turned on the TV, "right." There was nothing but static.

Jeff stood wordlessly, crossed the room and got a coat hanger from the closet, some various sundries from his bag, and went over to the TV. Some tinkering, a buzzing noise, and a few mild curse words later Jeff stood back and jiggled the odd looking apparatus on top of the cable box. The picture came in a little fuzzy, but not enough to fuss over.

"How did you...?" Ness asked.

"I'm a genius." Jeff said, "Let's leave it at that."

Ness grinned widely. "Jeff, I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to upset you."

"Of course," Jeff said, "Everyone is always nice to me when they find out I come with free satellite television."

Paula laughed, "If it makes you friends, who cares?"

"Let's see what's on, shall we?" Ness said. He surfed through the channels for a bit before pausing at one of the many music stations. After a moment he changed the channel in disgust. "It's sad that they don't have any music on there anymore."

"Yeah," Paula agreed "Now they just have reality shows."

"I really don't give a crap about some old rocker who wants to get laid!" Ness ranted.

Paula giggled. "Were you hoping to see the Runaway Five?" She asked.

Ness shook his head, "They're never on TV anymore. I think they've had one music video ever."

"Who's the 'Runway Five'?" Jeff asked, eyes still on his work.

Ness' Eyes went wide.

"Oh, no." Paula laughed, "You've done it now Jeff."

"Paula, I require a CD player!" Ness said, "We must educate this poor man!"

Paula shook her head sadly, "Sorry, mine got busted up somewhere between the zombies and the evil clowns."

Ness' countenance fell.

Jeff turned around in his seat, "You still haven't answered my question. Who are they?"

"Only the greatest blues band EVER!" Ness exclaimed with conviction.

Jeff gave a disinterested 'meh' and turned back around.

"What?!" Ness demanded, "Is that it?!"

Jeff shrugged, "I'm not much into Blues. Some of it's good, but on the whole it's just too depressing."

"Oh?" Ness asked, "And what kind of music do you listen to?"

Jeff shrugged again. "Death Metal." he said casually.

Ness and Paula both stared.

"What?" Jeff said.

"Death metal?" Ness was incredulous.

"Did not see that coming." Paula said with comparable disbelief.

Jeff sighed. "Yes, a lot of things about me people find, unorthodox. They see the glasses and grade point average and say 'there goes a nerd. He likes star Trek, plays D&D, and doesn't bathe.' It's the story of my life."

Ness raised his hand, "Got me. I totally thought that."

Jeff nodded. "Yep."

Paula yawned. "So how are we going to do this?"

"Sleeping arrangements?" Ness asked, "I dunno. I guess you guys can have the beds, and I'll take the recliner."

"Don't bother." Jeff said, "I probably won't sleep tonight, and if I do it'll be here."

"Well, that works." Paula said, "Not a word of this to my parents, Ness. They'd KILL me if they found out I shared a room with just you, let alone two guys."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. 'Night guys." Ness crawled under the covers.

"Good night." Paula said.

"Good night Jeff." They both said.

"Mmmhmm." Was Jeff's absent reply.

Ness and Paula both chuckled as they drifted off to sleep.

And working through the night, Jeff fixed the broken Airsoft Gun.

X X X X X X X

Author's Note: I debated on whether or not to go with the evil clown idea or just have Jeff and Paula fight zombies, but in the end I just decided 'what the hell' and went with it. I figure they've been fighting zombies since they arrived in Threed, they might as well get a change of pace. Also, from what I've seen, one of the things that makes for good Earthbound fanfiction are pop culture references. Throughout this story I've felt like I've been lacking, so I tried to stuff as many as I could into these latest few chapters without taking away from the story. Maybe I overdid it with this chapter, maybe not. Also, One reviewer said that the early chapters seemed like a ripoff, to which I say that this entire story was inspired by not only Earthbound, but the Earthbound Novelization by Marshall, which is the first EB Fanfic I ever enjoyed. A lot of elements, specifically the climax of the battle with Titanic Ant and maybe some other things that I used subconsciously, were 'borrowed' from that story. So Crazy Rob, what you call a ripoff, I call an homage, mostly because it makes me sound like a lot less of a douche. Long winded Author's note, sorry.


	12. The Rings of Saturn Valley

CHAPTER XI: The Rings of Saturn Valley

"Things are moving pretty fast, aren't they?" The redheaded man said from the doorway.

Captain Strong sighed, dropped his pen and began rubbing his temples. "What are you doing here?"

"Geeze," The man responded, "Would it kill you to say hello?"

Strong scowled. "Aren't you supposed to be watchin' the kid?"

"I'm supposed to be, but can't." the man responded.

"Why not?"

"They've gone beyond my reach."

Strong snickered, "I thought your reach extended to hell itself?"

"Almost. It seems that hell is exactly where they've gone. They're in Threed."

Strong could only stare.

"Reports are sketchy at best," The man continued, "But from what we can tell they're holding their own. The few agents we have there that aren't dead are having a hell of a time communicating with us, but apparently the kids are alive and well. Not only that, they've taken on a new member."

"Then that means..." Strong said.

"That's right. They've found the third child. Things will get very interesting very soon." he paused. "In any case, until they leave Threed, and for the foreseeable future afterwards, they'll be under Pulitzer's jurisdiction."

"Pulitzer? I thought he was already tailing them."

"He has been. The old man asked me to act as his backup. But, with his abilities he can get closer to them than I can, especially where they are now. It seems I'm out of the game for the time being."

"I see. Well, 'N', that's what happens when you showboat."

"Geeze, does everyone know about that?"

X X X X X X X X

"Phew! It stinks!" Paula said, pinching her nose.

"Yeah, that is pretty rank." Ness agreed with watery eyes.

"It's to be expected." Jeff said casually. The floor of the tent was quite literally carpeted with corpses, some of which still groaned angry threats at the three children surveying the carnage. While Ness and Paula hung back choking on the formaldehyde fumes and the scent of decay, Jeff stepped resolutely into the tent and walked amongst the zombies, his many hours spent in laboratories with foul smelling experiments had prepared him well for the task at hand. He squatted here and there to make an observation or collect a sample and at length he looked up from a cadaver towards his two companions, smiled and gave a thumbs up. Ness, who had pulled his shirt up around his nose, turned and relayed the thumbs up to the small crowd waiting anxiously outside the tent. Rather than a jovial cheer that Ness expected, the crowd responded with hushed mutterings of joy. No one was ready to get their hopes up.

Ness stalked away from the tent, a thoughtful scowl on his face.

"What's wrong?" Paula asked from behind him.

"It's this town." Ness said. "We just killed all the zombies... er, well re-killed them, and nobody even seems happy!"

Paula placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, "You have to remember that these people have been through a lot. It's not that they're being ungrateful, they're just cautious."

Ness wrinkled his nose, "I'm not mad at them... I mean I know it isn't their fault. I just... It's like whatever caused all this is sucking the life right out of this place, and I want to put a stop to it."

Paula gave him a thoughtful smile and they were silent for a moment. Then, Jeff exited the tent, and wandered absently toward them, his focus bent on the SPI.

"So what have we got?" Ness asked him.

Jeff paused for a moment and frowned. "Curiouser and curiouser." he said. "I suspected that the fly honey was important, but I didn't think it was THAT important."

"What do you mean?" Paula asked.

"I mean," Jeff replied, "that the fly honey may very well be the key to this whole mess." He looked up from his SPI to find Ness and Paula staring at him expectantly. He shook his head. "Not here. Others might be listening."

They went inside the hotel room. Ness watched Jeff pace the room from the desk chair as Paula perched on the edge of the bed. Jeff cleared his throat. "Alright, it's like this: I analyzed the fly honey and found that it is basically composed of noradrenaline, actylcholine and a few trace metals bonded with a number of... well, really interesting polymers."

Ness and Paula simply blinked at him.

"I'll explain. Noradrenaline and actylcholine are both types of synapse fluid found within the human nervous system. They help relay messages between brain cells. For reasons I couldn't explain until this morning, the ghosts in the tunnels have the exact same chemical makeup."

"Why would ghosts have a chemical makeup?" Paula asked.

"I wondered the same thing." Jeff said, "Until I found this." He produced a small vial filled with what looked like greenish yellow mucus and silver cobwebs.

"What is it?" Ness asked.

Jeff frowned gravely, "This is fly honey. And I suspect that this is how they make zombies. This metallic thread is some type of alloy. From what I can tell it mimics the behavior of neurons and works in conjunction with the synapse fluids to form a sort of surrogate nervous system. My guess is that the ghosts are basically just this stuff weaponized in aerosol form."

Paula was distressed. "So this whole thing has been a cheap parlor trick?"

"A parlor trick yes," Jeff observed, "But it's far from cheap. This 'parlor trick' would make David Blaine wet his pants."

Ness cocked his head, confused. "...ok... I don't get it."

Jeff sighed, "What don't you get, Ness?"

"Well," Ness gazed quizzically at the ceiling, "I understand the part where they took liquid brains and used them to make zombies, but why would they do that?"

Jeff said "Well, I suppose their reasons are mostly psychological. It's a scare tactic."

"But," Paula interjected, "Now that we know what's going on, we can stop it, right?"

Jeff shook his head. "I'm afraid not. We know the how, and why, but we still don't know where and who."

"I would suggest the graveyard," Paula offered, "but we already tried that."

"Well..." Jeff said, "If that was a dead end then I have no clue where to look."

Ness stood up, "Maybe not, but I know who does."

X X X X X X X X

Being thrown head first through a window is a traumatic experience, especially when you land flat on your face in the middle of a concrete street. Any further trauma, such as being struck repeatedly with a baseball bat, is liable to land the average person in the hospital. Fred Hammond was an average person, and unfortunately for him he had managed to piss off Ness Harris just enough to get himself thrown through a window and beaten repeatedly with a baseball bat. He was brought into the hospital unconscious with a moderate concussion, a dislocated shoulder, and some minor lacerations on his arms and knees. As he regained consciousness he saw a heavenly vision. It was a girl in a pink dress with shiny blond hair and a radiant smile.

"Good morning." She said, "I'm Paula. I need to ask you a few questions." Fred could have sworn that birds sang in tune with her speech. "Is that ok with you? Are you feeling up to it?"

He tried to answer, but the girl, as beautiful girls often do, had tied his tongue, and all he managed was an unintelligible stammer and a nod of his slightly aching head.

"Great!" The girl giggled cheerfully. "Do you know anything about fly honey?"

Fred's eyes went wide, but he recovered quickly. He was a good liar. "No." he said coolly. "I've never heard of it." Paula smiled as he mentally congratulated himself on his cool performance.

"So where's this grapefruit falls place at?" she asked.

Fred broke out in a light sweat. Who the hell was this girl?! He tried to play it cool. "Grapefruit falls?" He tried his best to sound confused, but his voice trembled nervously, "Is that a place around here? I mean, I've never been..."

"I see, So that grave is actually a _tunnel_?" Paula smiled, "That explains a lot."

Fred, who was was freaking out by this point, asked with voice shaking, "who... who are you?"

"I'm the girl your friends tried to kill." She said. Fred went white as a sheet. "Don't worry," She put a hand on his shoulder, "I forgive you."

"I don't." Ness said as he walked through the door. "Did 'ya get it?"

Paula nodded. And Fred passed out.

X X X X X X X X

The limestone slab grated as it slid slowly off of the mouth of the tunnel. From the darkness within there rose an ominous glow and the persistent scent of decay.

"I can see the bottom." Ness said and with a hop he disappeared inside.

With a slight bow Jeff politely motioned for Paula to enter and kept watch as she climbed gingerly down the ladder. He brought up the rear, and found himself in a narrow corridor. Through the corridor and in the next room a zombie possessor stood sentry. It furrowed its brow at them as they approached. "Go Back!" It wailed.

The temperature in the already cold tunnel fell as Paula prepared to blast the ghostly snetinal.

"Wait a second," Jeff called as he scanned it with his SPI.

Ness and Paula paused, ready to strike.

"Ok, go." Jeff said.

"PSI FREEZE!" Paula cried, and the ghost was no more.

"What was that all about?" Ness asked.

"I've got to get as much data as I can." he responded.

"But didn't you already analyze the ghosts?" Paula asked.

"Yes." Jeff said, "I've got all the data I can get on ghosts, that was for studying psychic phenomenon."

The tunnel was a short series of mildly luminous corridors culminating in a ladder. Ness was about to step over the small puddle of slime at the ladder's base when...

"What are you doing? Who goes there?!" the slimy little pile of... well something said accusingly.

Ness leaped backward fingering his bat.

"What's the password?" The lil' pile demanded.

"Password?" Ness looked nervously at his companions.

"I see." The lil' pile said, its eyes narrowing greedily, "I was going to let you pass when I smelled the fly honey, but I have a suspicion that you're not with us. Well, now would be a good time to score some for myself, before that greedy pile of puke Belch confiscates it."

The lil' pile let off a cloud of smelly green gas just as Jeff whipped out his pistol. He managed to get one shot in before his eyes watered up.

"I can't see!" Jeff yelled.

"Healing!" Ness' eyes cleared just in time to see the pile flying towards his face, bubbling a shrill war cry. He drew his bat and splattered the thing on the far wall with a mighty swing.

"Anybody got a match?" Jeff said, covering his nose.

"PSI Fire!" Paula burned the dripping remains of the lil' pile.

"That works." Ness said.

They ascended the ladder and found themselves in a narrow limestone canyon; its white walls glistened in the sunlight as a river babbled serenely in the distance. Wait, sunlight?!

Ness fell on his back in the soft grass laughing happily.

Jeff winced in the brightness. "You're in a good mood."

"First time I've seen sunlight in days." Ness replied, "And where there's light, there's hope."

They walked north up the canyon and found themselves facing down what looked like... a frog, wearing what could only be described as scaly leather samurai armor. Ness was first to attack. He rushed the frog and slugged it a good one. The armored amphibian, barely phased, responded with a spinning back kick to Ness' chest. Paula rushed forward frying pan at the ready as Jeff fired several shots, all of which glanced off of the armored frog's tough hide. The frog leaped forward and let fly a flurry of punches and kicks aimed at Paula and Jeff. Paula, the more agile of the two, was able to avoid most of the onslaught though the armored frog got more than a few good hits in. Jeff wound up taking the brunt of the attack and stumbled backward, dazed by the frog's powerful kicks. The amphibious warrior pressed his advantage and pushed Paula back; yet as the young psychic gave ground she gained an advantage, as Ness attacked from the right and together they sent the frog tumbling back into the water.

Without warning, a large, yet rather plain looking crocodile emerged from the river and snapped its jaws at Paula, missing by mere inches. Ness fell upon this new enemy, but his bat made little more than a muffled thump against the crocodile's rock-like scales. With a mighty swing of its fat tail, Ness was sent sailing into the canyon wall and fell to the ground. Jeff fired off more rounds, but the ball bearings, super accelerated as they were, weren't enough to pierce more than a few inches. Another crocodile emerged from the river and the two rumbled towards the children like a reptilian tank corps, with a whole battalion of armored frogs supporting them.

The three youths found themselves cornered by the encroaching wild life.

"Well, Jeff" Ness wiped his palms nervously on his shorts, "Now would be a great time for one of those strategies you're so good at."

"Give me a moment." Jeff muttered, frantically fiddling with his SPI.

"They're getting closer..." Paula intoned.

"Um..." Jeff's voice cracked, "I've got nothing."

"WHAT?!" Ness and Paula demanded in unison.

"Well what am I supposed to do?" Jeff shreiked, "Our weapons, such as they are, are ineffectual at best. These things are too heavily armored! I need time to think! Maybe if we could somehow immobilize them then we could regroup or something..."

"Hang on," Ness said, "I've got just the thing." He leaped deftly forward and yelled, "PSI PARALASYS OMEGA!" The result was what looked like a miniature electrical storm happening in slow motion as a few of the frogs fell over, twitching numbly. The rest, though momentarily disoriented by the light show, continued to creep menacingly forward.

Paula raised an eyebrow and Jeff glared blankly at Ness' awkward laughter. "Well, they can't all be winners." he said.

"Is there a plan B?" Paula asked.

"Yes." Ness coughed, "RUN!"

There was a second of confused hesitation before they bolted, Jeff was in the lead, clearing the path with gunfire, but was quickly overtaken by the much swifter Paula.

"Don't get in front of me!" Jeff yelled.

Ness brought up the rear, kicking and flailing at their pursuers as they ran through a gauntlet of snapping crocodiles and kicking frogs. As soon as Ness was clear of the fray, Paula skidded to a halt, turned, and blasted a wall of fire to cover their retreat. The crocodiles, heavily armored as they were, simply waddled through the blaze, while their armored amphibian cohorts took to the river and swam around.

"Crud!" Paula yelled, as the three again betook themselves to retreating.

"They're gonna try to cut us off!" Ness yelled, pointing to the frogs swimming upstream.

"Not good!" Paula gasped. Their hasty disorganized retreat was close to becoming a rout.

"They're mostly cold blooded, so I'd go with freeze." Jeff offered.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." Paula said, gathering her PSI. What followed was not unlike a blizzard. Chunks of ice and frozen frogs floated down the stream. The ground as well as their assailants, were covered in a thick layer of ice. Unfortunately Paula could only freeze one enemy at a time, and all the commotion of battle inevitably drew the attention of the canyon's other inhabitants. Fire ants and zombie farmers wielding hoes and pitch forks joined the fray and for a time the three companions were forced to give up ground. Paula took point, alternating between freeze and flame as they made their way through the slow, arduous battle. Jeff laid down suppressing fire to cover Paula while Ness found himself relegated to the job of medic, as well as occasionally engaging anything that got too close in hand to hand combat. At length the charred and frozen ranks of the enemy fell back to regroup and Ness again lead the way as they trekked up the canyon, Paula trailed at a distance, exhausted, and Jeff warily brought up the rear.

"Are you alright Paula?" Jeff asked, after nearly tripping on the back of her feet, "You're lagging behind."

She gave him a tired smile. "I'll be fine... I just used a lot of energy, that's all."

"We should rest." Ness called over his shoulder.

"I'm fine, really." Paula insisted.

"He's right," Jeff observed, "we need to let you rest. Your attacks are the most effective, and if you collapse we'll be in serious trouble."

Paula stubbornly shook her head. "We need to keep moving."

"Our enemies fell back to regroup, we need to do the same." Jeff persisted.

"We don't know when they'll be back. We need to keep moving."

"But Paula-" Jeff began. He didn't finish, though.

Without a word, Ness hoisted her onto his back in an impromptu piggy back ride. "You get some rest," he said to her, "and we'll keep moving."

Paula, too surprised and tired to argue, only nodded weakly and nuzzled his back comfortably.

Eventually, Ness stopped and looked ahead with a furrowed brow. "Jeff, we're gonna have to make a break for it." He tilted his head, indicating another wave of zombies.

"We could take shelter in that cave." Jeff suggested.

Ness nodded, and they ran, and tumbled into the cave just as a crocodile's jaws snapped at Ness' rear, shaving off a piece of his shirttail. The enemies outside made no attempt to enter, however.

Paula stirred and opened her eyes. "How long was I out?" She asked.

"About an hour." Jeff panted, hands on his knees.

"Who goes there?! This is Master Belch's labor camp!" a shrill voice rang out.

"What's that?" Paula questioned the darkness.

"That is a cockroach." Jeff noted.

The cockroach leaped forward, spreading its wings as it went. It met with the bottom of Ness' shoe. There was a crunch and the sound of shuffling as Ness wiped the gunk on the ground. "Moving on!" He said.

The tunnel was well lit and from the look of it had seen some serious action. There were burn marks on the walls and the charred remains of what appeared to be zombies. The three companions exited the tunnel into a large and very old impact crater. At the bottom of the crater was a lake surrounded by a grassy meadow dotted with small metallic huts. The northern and eastern sides had sheer vertical cliffs upon which stood more huts. It was a village, and from the looks of things it was a village under siege.

The sentry knew they were coming before he ever saw them, whether it was from their scent or from some sixth sense that it possessed, Ness could not tell, but judging from its face, smell was a definite possibility. It was a small creature of sorts, about the size of a basket ball. It had smooth pink skin covered in a light fuzz. It had neither a torso nor a head, but an odd combination of the two, like a face with small nubby legs. Thick black whiskers protruded from the sides of its very prominent schnoz, and it looked up at them with what Paula would later describe as the cutest coal black button eyes imaginable.

"Welcome to Saturn Valley!" It greeted in a raspy impish voice, "You are good-BOING!-you have kind smell. You come stay with us and rest-ZOOM!"

Jeff raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Ness who only raised his hands in mutual confusion. Paula, however, as girls are apt to do when confronted by the picture of sheer cuteness looking up at her, squealed in delight.

"And what's your name, little fella?" She asked.

"I am Mr. Saturn, what your name-BOING?"

"I'm Paula, this is Ness and that's Jeff. Are there others here like you?"

"Like me? Yes-BOING!-This Saturn Valley, in this place, all are Mr. Saturn-ZOOM!"

Paula's grin was the size of a mountain as the Mr. Saturn lead them into the heart of his village. "Isn't he cute?" She giggled.

"Quite." Jeff said blandly, "an autonomous talking head called Mr. Saturn. Tell me, are you all called Mr. Saturn, or is that your species name."

"Mr. Saturn is Mr. Saturn-Zoom!"

He led them into the midst of the huts and they found themselves surrounded by a small crowd of fifteen or so of the curious little creatures. Their odd voices and broken english gave the Mr. Saturns a vaguely childlike quality, but Ness could sense something more behind their adorable button eyes. They had an intelligence about them, and more than that determination and strength of purpose; this was a people at war.

"So what are your names?" Paula asked the group.

"This Saturn Valley." One of them spoke up, "All are Mr. Saturn."

"Only one is not-ZOOM!" one Mr. Saturn said.

"He is Dr. Saturn." Another added.

"So, you're all named Mr. Saturn?" Paula asked, a little confused.

"No-Boing!" The Saturn that first met them said, "All are called Mr. Saturn, but only one is pronounced Mr. Saturn. All are pronounced different-BOING! Like Mr. Saturn," He indicated one of his fellows, "and Mr. Saturn." he said, indicating another. "See?"

Jeff and Paula shook their heads while Ness nodded stroking his chin knowingly.

"What?" Ness answered their puzzled looks, "the inflection was pretty clear."

And so, with a little patience and a lot of effort, Ness and his friends were eventually able to figure out what was going on in Saturn Valley, with only a few things lost in translation. Apparently the Mr. Saturns were at war on three fronts. The hostile wildlife attacking from Grapefruit Falls Canyon to the south and east, an army of hostile plant life attacking from a place called 'Milky Well' to the north west, and a stinky bad man known only as 'Belch' who had set up a secret base behind Grapefruit Falls to the immediate north. This belch character had hit the Saturns hardest, nearly a third of Saturn Valley's inhabitants had been taken prisoner. Few had escaped. Despite the odds, the Mr. Saturns were putting up a brave fight, they had even staged two successful rescue attempts, and those that escaped had valuable information about Belch's operation.

"So what makes you think Pokey's behind the waterfall?" Paula asked.

"With a name like 'Belch' I don't see who else it could be." Ness answered. "It's just like him to come up with such a lame code name."

"For the last time, who is Pokey?" Jeff asked.

Ness shook his head. "He's my next door neighbor. And he's kind of a jerk."

Jeff cocked his head, "You though I was a jerk too."

"Well you didn't kidnap Paula and try to sacrifice her to a golden idol."

"So what's the plan?" Paula asked.

"Well," Ness considered, "It's only about one in the afternoon... we've got plenty of daylight left. If you guys are rested, I say we go have a look around this base... that is if you guys feel rested enough?"

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Paula said.

X X X X X X X X

"Remember guys, we stand still for three minutes to get in." Ness admonished. The others nodded. They were making their way up the canyon and the falls were within sight. All at once Paula stiffened and looked around warily.

"Ness, do you feel that?" she whispered.

Ness shook his head.

"It seems we have company." Jeff said, gazing out into the rapids. There, standing on a rock stood a portly man with a thick blond beard. He wore an archaic black tux complete with top hat and smiled at them from behind an old fashioned camera.

Ness cocked his head, "I've seen you before. In Onett."

The man's smile broadened, "You can call me Pulitzer, no relation to the Pulitzer of yellow journalism fame."

"So what do you want?" Jeff asked suspiciously.

"Well, I don't mean to brag, but I'm something of a photographic genius, if I do say so myself." Pulitzer bragged. "And I'm of the opinion that the photograph is the medium most suited to capturing moments in time in their purest form. Images invoke memories and by capturing a single image one can trigger the recollection of memories instantaneously in others. It's more than what a written description or even a video can accomplish." He adjusted his glasses and smiled a big square grin. "Get ready for an instant memory!" Ness flashed a peace sign as the shutter clicked.

"Ah, yes. Think of the fond memories this photograph will bring." he smiled yet wider and then, lifted slowly off the rock, tipped his hat with a graceful bow, and floated off into the sky.

Paula spoke first. "As many strange things as I've seen and done in my life, that really shouldn't bother me, but something about that whole thing just seemed off."

Ness waved it off, "He felt alright to me."

"I don't trust him." was all Jeff said.

It was cool and damp behind the waterfall, and the sunlight filtered through the cascade painting rainbow arcs over everything. It would have been a beautiful, even romantic scene were it not for the gigantic metal doors. A curt, electronic voice sounded through a speaker. "What's the password?"

The three froze and waited. Two minutes. Then three.

"Alright, you may enter."

The doors screeched and creaked open, and Ness, Paula, and Jeff stepped into the dank darkness of Master Belch's Fortress.

X X X X X X X X

The whole place had a pervasive tinny smell like a giant rusted penny which penetrated the sinuses so deeply that they could all taste it.

"Be careful with that fly honey!" The tiny pile of slime that met them at the door shrieked up at Ness. "We don't want you breaking it."

Ness nodded as he stepped over the pile, "You're the boss, boss."

Jeff suppressed a gagging reflex as he stepped around it. After looking around to make sure no one was watching, Paula quietly burned the thing to a crisp.

They came to a platform overlooking a large warehouse stacked with crates and crates of 'refined fly honey'.

Ness surveyed the scene. "This isn't just a base." he said, "This is a refinery."

They proceeded down a ladder and found themselves surrounded by...

"Dodgeball anyone?" Ness asked playfully.

The little foppies bounced here and there, throwing themselves menacingly at the three heroes. Well, as menacingly as a bright red rubber ball with eyes can be thrown.

They drew their weapons and went to town, wailing away on the foppies. Some were deflated, others went skidding across rooms and into walls.

They proceeded down a long metal corridor, dodging puddles of foul smelling sludge here and there, until they came to a junction.

"You hear that?" Paula whispered.

"Yeah," Ness said, "Someone's coming.

The shuffling and moaning was unmistakable; a troop of the undead were rounding the corner ahead of them.

"Jeff!Where's Jeff!" Ness muttered urgently. "Crap!" He grabbed Paula's wrist and dove through a nearby door, shutting it with psychokinesis. They waited for the zombies to pass.

"Where do you think Jeff ran off to?" Ness asked, his ear to the door. Paula didn't answer. He turned to find her preoccupied by the butterfly which had lighted on her forehead. The latch clicked and the door creaked slowly inward. Ness leaped back, ready to fight when Jeff stepped cautiously into the room, a broad smile on his face.

"Where were you?" Paula questioned him.

"Picking up a few things. Also, I found some things you might want to take a look at."

Out the door and around the corner they found Mr. Saturns chained to an assembly line. Jar after jar of foul smelling fly honey slid past them.

"What are they doing?" Paula asked.

"They're emitting radiation." Jeff replied.

"Radiation?"

"Yes. It's a type of electromagnetic radiation with a very high wavelength, I had to recalibrate the SPI to even detect it."

"What does it do?" Ness asked.

"I'm not sure, but I do know that it's the same kind of radiation that I detected from Paula and to a lesser extent, from You, Ness."

Ness furrowed his brow. "Let's have a chat with the man in charge, shall we?"

"I actually have some thoughts on that." Jeff broke in. "After what happened in the canyon, I've been giving thought to our strategy. It occurs to me that this is an actual full fledged war, and we should really start working together better as a unit. So, I propose that we amend our formation."

Ness said, "Ok, I'm down with that. Whaddya have in mind?"

Jeff cleared his throat and produced a complex looking diagram, at which Ness snickered and Paula stifled a giggle.

"Of the three of us," Jeff began, "Ness has the most raw destructive power, physically speaking of course. You're also by far the most resilient, so I propose you continue to take the lead. Paula, on the other hand has the most non physical destructive power, so I propose that she stay in the back and avoid close range combat. Since I have mostly long range weapons I shall stay in the middle range and provide support fire for Ness as well as relay tactical information to both of you. I feel that this will be far more effective than charging blindly into the fray and hoping we come out on top."

The other two nodded.

"Furthermore, I feel that in a situation like this, where we're neck deep in the enemy's territory, it would be wisest if I took a scouting position, followed by Ness and then Paula. That way I can analyze the enemy and create openings for Ness to exploit, and Paula's precognitive abilities will guard our rear from ambush."

Ness nodded, then indicated the room at the end of the corridor. "That sounds good. I have a pretty strong feeling that 'Belch' is waiting for us in that room. You're the scout, so do us a favor and go sneak that shit."

Jeff obliged, approaching cautiously. He snuck a peak inside before motioning the other two over.

"I have a plan, but... for it to work we'll need a distraction."

"Leave that to me." Ness said, jamming his thumb into his chest.

"You sure?" Jeff looked him over with uncertainty, "This is probably a really bad idea."

Ness grinned broadly, "Yeah, it's like you said, I'm resilient."

"If you say so." Jeff outlined his plan in detail, then looked into the room. "This Pokey guy, how would you describe him?"

"Fat, blond, annoying." Ness and Paula said in unison.

"And not as a gigantic pile of disgusting puke?"

"I guess, that's kinda mean, but it's pretty much his personality." Ness said thoughtfully.

"No, no," Jeff said covering his mouth, he looked a little ill. "I mean literally a disgusting pile of puke."

Ness jumped to his feet and walked into the room. He looked master belch up and down. "Wow... Jeff was really on the money."

And he was. Master Belch was a disgusting, chunky, brownish green blob with large bulbous eyes, squarish tusks and stringy tendrils of slime that trailed behind him as he oozed back and forth across the room muttering darkly to himself. Presently he noticed the intruder.

"I see that the chosen boy has arrived!" He belched.

Ness could only stare.

"What's the matter boy? Does my appearance disturb you?"

Ness cleared his throat, "Well yeah, you're pretty disgusting... plus I was kinda expecting someone else."

Belch chuckled darkly, "Pokey isn't here. There's only little old me!"

Ness pointed at Belch, "Hey, you know Pokey?"

In an instant a slimy tendril of puke snaked out and wrapped around Ness' torso. Belch burped out a chuckle, reveling in Ness' gagging agony. Paula rushed into the room, ready for action.

"PSI FIRE!" she cried, but couldn't follow through with the attack; Belch held Ness between himself and Paula, a blue and yellow striped shield.

"Pathetic child!" He bellowed, "Did you think you could oppose me? You and your pitiful band of children! Master Giygas fell back and abandoned this battle ground. Why? Why should he be afraid of you? You! Are you greater than the most profound darkness? Are you more mighty than the greatest evil?!"

Ness fought back the urge to gag, then yelled, "Jeff! The honey!"

Jeff tossed the jar of foul smelling fly honey into the room. Belch watched it skid across the floor and clink against the wall in the far corner. "I-Is that..." he stammered, "FLY HONEY!" Ness was promptly dropped as the colossal pile of bile slurped and slimed to the jar, and eyed it like a junkie eying his next fix.

"Pure, delicious, unrefined, straight from the farm FLY HONEY!!" Master Belch literally bubbled in ecstasy as he tore the lid from the jar and lost his mind wolfing down the fly honey.

"Are you alright?" Paula and Jeff were at Ness' side.

Ness held up a finger. "Gimme a minute..." he choked down the urge to puke, stood and said, "Let's blast this bastard!"

A blast of Rockin', a wall of fire, and an improvised home explosive later and Master Belch was splattered all over the whole room. His remains, a small core glob of refined fly honey bubbled angrily at them.

"You may have won this battle, but another is just beginning. Beyond that, Pokey has succeeded in getting the statue into Fourside." He allowed himself a luxurious belch here, "The city is surely in worse condition than living in your own puke! As for Giygas, don't even dream of defeating him. Suffer spanky!"

The blob melted into the floor.

X X X X X X X X

There wasn't much time at all. They had barely come back through the tunnel from Belch's fly honey refinery to Saturn Valley before they were thrust back into the battle. Ness had planned on washing up; he had planned on taking a nice, long, relaxing bath, or at least a quick shower. But no, all he had time for was to change his shirt. Oh well, at least his skin was the only thing he wore that was covered in puke.

When the battle with Belch began, some of the more wily Mr. Saturns saw it as an opportunity to escape and free their captured brethren. When Master Belch was defeated, they saw it as an opportunity to tear down his entire factory. Their attempt at demolition only amounted to some negligible vandalism, as more pressing matters drew their attention. Firstly it was their duty to thank and congratulate their saviors. Even that was cut short, however, because secondly, their home was under attack. Ness and his friends arrived in Saturn Valley just in time to help Dr. Saturn treat some of the Mr. Saturns returning from the front lines. Most of the patients, however, were very put off by the pungent odor clinging to Ness.

"Ewww. Stinky stinky! You smell like barf man-BOING! Go wash in hot spring-ZOOM!"

"Where?" Ness asked urgently.

"Up there!" Dr. Saturn pointed with his bulbous nose, "Mr. Saturn build bigger ladder. Reach springs!"

"There's no time!" Ness replied, "I'll just go change my shirt."

Meanwhile, Paula and Jeff went through the cave to the northwest of the village, to a large grassy plane; the scene of the battle. The scene that met them was epic in nature and small in scale. A small, hastily assembled detail of Mr. Saturns were holding their own against a tiny green phalanx of plant-like Ranboobs. The rows of green pikes advanced closer and closer to the small cluster of seemingly disorganized Saturns. All at once the Ranboobs attacked, thrusting with their spears. The Mr. Saturns retaliated with a shower of strange golden sparks, oddly reminiscent of Ness' Rockin' attack. Damaged, The Ranboobs center broke and fell back.

"The Saturns won!" Paula exclaimed.

Jeff shook his head, "No, that's a classic flanking manuver. They're trying to draw the Saturns in and surround them."

Paula gasped.

Jeff whipped out his gun. "We need to attack their right side! Quick..." Jeff's voice trailed off and so did his shots. Paula looked up to see him staring wide eyed at something in the distance. Tracing his gaze she saw it. It was a tornado, but rather than wind and debris it was made of pure sunlight. A shrill cry from the Saturns pulled their attention from the unnatural spectacle back to the battle. The Saturns were charging the Ranboobs center!

"SHIT!" Jeff yelled, as he dashed into the fray with Paula hot on his heels. For a jaw clenching moment or two it looked as if the Saturns would buy the proverbial farm, but they split into two wings and fell upon the Ranboobs flanks, driving the miniature pike men back.

Back inside the cave, Ness rejoined his friends and helped tend to the most recently wounded Mr. Saturns.

"I think we've figured out why the sun isn't shining in Threed." Jeff said by way of greeting.

Ness raised a questioning eyebrow.

Outside, the three friends surveyed the battle ground and Ness saw the great swirling vortex of light.

"So what's the situation?" Ness asked.

"It doesn't look good." Jeff said gravely, "the enemy is withdrawing for now, but the Saturns are outnumbered."

"How bad?"

"Judging from the numbers I saw, Six to one easily. More if they've got reserves. And something tells me that they have more than just those spears."

Ness looked over his shoulder to the Mr. Saturns who looked at them with hope, respect, and admiration in their eyes.

"As far as strategies go," Jeff continued, "We really only have one viable option. We hold out as long as we can. We can't really expect reinforcements, but we can try to buy as many Saturns as we can a chance to escape." He pushed his glasses up his nose in a grim gesture. "This cave may just be our Thermopylae."

Ness wrinkled his nose. "I see. Paula, what do you think?"

Paula sighed. "I don't like it... but it doesn't seem like we have much of a choice. It is kinda noble though..."

Ness nodded. "Yeah. Except we're not doing that."

Paula and Jeff both gaped at him. He just gave them a wry smile. "I'm not giving up. And I'm not letting the Mr. Saturns go down on my account."

The gaping continued.

"Look at this place. They're getting hammered from all sides because Giygas knows we're here. It's the same with Threed. Well, now it's our turn to go on the offensive!"

"That's very inspiring and all, Ness, we just got off the offensive." Jeff retorted.

"Yeah, well we'll just get back on it. Come on!" Ness turned and jogged deeper into the field.

"Wait, now?!" Jeff demanded.

"Yeah, why not? Strike while the iron's hot, all that jazz." Ness smiled and winked at his companions, before practically skipping away into battle.

"That's Ness." Paula said apologetically.

"I really don't mind." Jeff replied with a sigh, "He's no tactician but this sort of thing is the reason it makes sense for him to lead and not you or me. Shall we?" Jeff offered his arm.

Paula took it. "Let's." and together they skipped after Ness.

X X X X X X X X

Jeff's estimates were spot on, the enemy forces numbered somewhere in the mid sixties and was forming ranks in a narrow pass of the valley when Ness reached them. He opened with a blast of Rockin' and then fell upon them with full furry, clearing them here and there like a titan in the midst of some ancient battle. Paula arrived on the scene and let fly with controlled blasts of fiery fury like an angry war Goddess, and Jeff pummeled them with super accelerated ball bearings like, well like an angry nerd with a rail gun.

There were more than just Ranboobs among the enemy ranks, Jeff felt the creeping vines of an exceedingly tough mobile sprout wrap around his leg. He was thrown off balance and his barrage momentarily interrupted. He dispatched the plant with a few well aimed shots while Ness dodged an over the top kamikazi attack from one of the overconfident mushrooms that were strutting about the battle field. They broke through their enemy's lines and found themselves in a large nearly empty cave. The cave had one single occupant, a giant shrub, which could really be considered a moderately large tree with great seed eyes, and into its large rounded leaves funneled great rivers of sunlight.

It spoke slow laborious words with a dry creaking voice. "Welcome to the third 'Your Sanctuary' location. It's mine now, take it from me, if you dare!"

Jeff was nearly speechless. "This is... this is simply unbelievable... what... what IS this?!"

"This is a guardian." Paula said, quietly eying their latest foe.

"Jeff," Ness whispered, "I'll distract him, you scan him." He turned to the sprout. "Hey, do all you guardian dudes say that? That line's getting pretty old." He challenged defiantly.

"Our master has set us here to stop you," The great tree creaked, "and to absorb these places of power for ourselves."

Ness' brow furrowed. "So Giygas took the power of the sanctuaries for himself, huh?"

The sprout's laughter was like the sound of wind through barren trees. "The master needs no power from this pathetic planet! He has might enough to bend the will of every living creature! Of the planet herself! Here, I drank the milk of Mother Earth and grew strong enough to drink the light of Father Sun."

Ness was silent for a moment, before whispering to Jeff, "Yeah, I've got nothing else to ask him. You done?"

Jeff nodded, "Our best course of action appears to be... FIRE!" He let off several shots which disappeared into the sprouts leafy body. Paula took his meaning and flung out her hand.

"PSI FIRE BETA!" the blast exploded into a searing blaze, and dissipated against a semi-opaque sphere of light.

The Sprout rasped out his windy laugh.

Paula looked distraught. "That's a new one on me... Jeff?!"

"Give me a minute!"

The sprout was advancing.

"I'll give you three!" Ness yelled and dashed forward.

Jeff studied his SPI frantically. "He's generating some kind of electromagnetic field. Whatever energy waves you're producing he's nullifying them."

"So what do we do?" Paula asked.

Ness was fighting blow for blow with the sprout and it was not going well.

"We have to disable the force field, physical attacks aren't going to cut it!" Jeff said.

Ness took a particularly nasty blow to the abdomen that sent him skidding on the cave floor between them and into a rock wall to their immediate rear.

"And how do we do that?!" Paula demanded frantically.

"I-I don't really know..." Jeff stammered.

Ness regained his feet. "Bastard!" he yelled angrily and charged, clutching his aching torso.

"You don't know?!" Paula was wide eyed.

A thick root erupted from the soft earth and sent Ness tumbling to the ground. "A little help here!" He shouted.

"We could de-ionize the air, that might work." Jeff said hopefully.

"And how do we do that?!" Paula exclaimed with a confused glare.

"We need an intense electrical discharge... a bolt of lightning in other words!"

Paula nodded. "One bolt of lightning coming up! PSI THUNDER!" a bright stream of electricity jolted out towards the sprout, and curved off, destroying a stalagmite off to the side.

It was Jeff's turn to get upset. "You MISSED?!"

"It's lightning! It's a little hard to aim!" Paula retorted.

The sprout, which now had Ness by the ankles, slammed him into the cave's rock wall and tossed him at Jeff and Paula's feet. Then, focusing the sunlight it was absorbing, it released a blinding flash from its bulging acorn eyes.

"I can't see!" Paula shrieked.

Ness slowly got to his feet. Perhaps it was the recent head trauma, but he had been struck with sudden inspiration.

"Paula!" he called, "Hit me with the lightning!"

"What?!" cried Paula, "Are you insane?! I can't even see!"

"Exactly why this'll work!" Ness assured her. "I'll be fine! I've got the badge!"

Paula gave it a moment of though. "Jeff?" She could hear the sprout rustling towards them.

"It could work in theory, but she's right Ness, this is insane! Even for you!" Jeff exclaimed.

"No time! Shoot!" Ness yelled.

Paula clenched her teeth, visualized Ness, and let loose. "PSI THUNDER BETA!" She cried. The twin bolts of lightning slammed into Ness' chest. He felt the electricity surge through his body, he actually felt his heart stop, and he felt himself being propelled like a missile through the Trillionage Sprout's trunk, splitting it in half like a ripe melon.

The sprout whithered and burned as Ness fell limply to the cave floor. Jeff rushed to his side, and Paula approached as quickly as her slowly returning eyesight would allow. Ness' body was charred and bleeding, his heartbeat was erratic.

"Sorry, Paula..." Ness whispered. He gave her a weak smile. In the confusion of the battle Paula hadn't realized that the Franklyn badge would have reflected the lightning back at her, and with her temporary blindness she had failed to notice Ness removing the Franklyn badge.

Jeff's face was dire, "Ness... your heart beat is erratic, you need to heal."

But Ness couldn't hear him. He'd already passed out.

"Ness?" Paula leaned in close. "Ness... I..." She hesitated. "Ness... I'm not going to let you die!"

X X X X X X X X

It was a blond woman looking down at him. He was wrapped tight and snug; it felt so very secure. She smiled at him, the smile of a doting mother, his mother to be exact. He reached for her with tiny hands. He tried to speak, but it all came out as unintelligible gurgles. He could say no words that she could hear, and she could speak no words that he would understand, but it didn't matter. She leaned in close and spoke with lips unmoving, _Be a courageous, strong, and thoughtful young man... _The words echoed against the backdrop of the continuing tune of the sound stone.

Her face dissolved into Paula looking down on him with a relieved smile.

Ness stood, slowly, and checked himself over. No injuries. He smiled. "So the thing with the lightning, it worked?"

Paula stood, nodded her head, and hugged him.

X X X X X X X X

Author's Note: First off I need to apologize for how long this update took. Between school, work, and other original projects I just haven't had the time. Second I want to thank everyone who reviewed this story so far. It's nice to hear that my writing doesn't completely suck. Anyway, enjoy.


	13. The JPop Interlude

Chapter XII: The J-Pop Interlude

"You know this line might not be safe."

"Our entire house isn't safe, anything I tell you over a tapped line they'll already know."

"I'm just saying that you could use other forms of communicating. Ones that aren't so eavesdropper friendly."

"I used the hook."

"What?"

"The hook, I used it."

"Is that so..."

"Whoever sent that bee knows about the barrier."

"That makes sense."

"No, it doesn't. Aside from you and me, who else could know?"

"Another psychic maybe? We're not the only ones, you know. He told me that thing came from the future, so it may very well have been one of us that sent it."

"That sounds like the kind of reckless stunt you'd pull."

"Like father like son."

X X X X X X X X

"All I'm saying is that it's extremely improbable at best, downright impossible at worst." Jeff was saying.

Paula glanced at Ness, looking for his input. He lounged luxuriously against a rock, with no inclination towards either side. Paula sighed, letting herself sink a bit deeper into the hot springs before replying. "It isn't about logic or probability. It's about faith."

Jeff smirked, "Of course, the age old faith cop out."

"It isn't a cop out, it's... well I can't explain it very well, but I guess it's about believing in something larger than yourself. That there's someone out there that loves and cares for all of us."

Jeff's retort was quick, "So what kind of benevolent and more importantly omniscient being would allow the amount of death and suffering that occurs on a regular basis in the world?"

"I don't know..." Paula said quietly.

"What do you think Ness?" Jeff asked.

Ness, who was gazing lazily at the stars, shifted in his seat before saying, "They're gorgeous."

"No, what do you think about this." Jeff gestured to himself and Paula.

"I think you look funny without your glasses." Ness chuckled.

Jeff scowled, which made Ness laugh more. "Not as funny as you look without your hat."

Ness sobered and scratched his head. "I don't think it matters." he said dismissively.

"How do you mean?" Jeff questioned.

Ness stroked his chin thoughtfully, "Everyone has a right to believe what they want."

Jeff shook his head, "Yet another cop out." He turned back to Paula "Now I'll concede that God or whatever deity one happens to subscribe to is important from historical, or a sociological point of view, but in the modern age, the religion's impact on society and more importantly the need for its impact is far diminished."

Ness rose from the steaming pool and plodded absently over to a nearby stump.

"Do I bore you?" Jeff called after him.

"All the time." Ness called back. Jeff could be stubborn and opinionated to be sure, but then so was Paula. But, rather than show it through fervent debating, as Jeff did, she adopted a soft spoken insistence and held onto it like a fortified garrison. It was okay, he'd let them argue their belief systems if they wanted, it didn't concern him. Well, that perhaps wasn't entirely true. In fact it was definitely completely false. It made him uncomfortable to hear them debate the subject because when it came to matters of faith, Ness was full of uncertainty. And Ness thuroughly disliked being uncertain.

He glanced back at the pair still arguing in the hot springs. Jeff was gesturing wildly, the way he always did when discussing math or physics. Paula was sitting on a rock, her eyes soft and understanding, but her jaw firm with conviction. Her posture was demure and impeccable as always. That was, perhaps, the other thing he was uncertain about. Paula, she was--

"Drink coffee with me?" The Mr. Saturn's voice cut into his thoughts.

"Say what little guy?"

"Drink coffee with me?" The Saturn repeated, "Say yes to me? Say no to me?-ZOOM!"

"Sure." Ness took the cup of thick black liquid and sipped. It was piping hot and burned his tongue a bit.

"Drink coffee too hot!-BOING! Must blow on it!" The little Saturn laughed.

The brew was unique to say the least. It tasted distinct and had a flavor something like a mix between molases and cocoa on top of a creamy consistency. Ness drifted off into his own thoughts. He stared at the stars, while listening to an odd voice that seemed to dance on the edge of his consciousness as it reminisced and reflected with him on his adventure thus far...

X X X X X X X X

Paula was not in denial. No. Far from it. She simply had not had a chance to address her feelings internally. From the moment she had met Ness her life had been in some mortal peril or other on a fairly consistent basis, which left her little time to contemplate any prospects of romance. Now, however, with no impending battle, no hostage situations, and with several days downtime ahead, Paula allowed herself some introspection.

"Drink coffee?" One of the Saturns was asking Ness. "Say yes to me? Say no to me?"

Paula watched him lounge on a stump, sipping steamy java. How did she feel about Ness? Obviously she cared about him; he was her friend, and even though they had known each other less than a month, they had shared more experiences than most shared in a lifetime.

She sighed, only vaguely aware of Jeff as he busily explained the interactions of complex systems in what he insisted were 'layman's terms'. Paula giggled when Ness yelped and fanned his tongue frantically. All at once she was aware that Jeff had stopped talking. He looked inquisitively at her, and raised an eyebrow when she met his gaze.

"What?" She asked defensively.

"You like him." It was a statement, and it carried a hint of mischief in his voice.

"What gives you that idea?" Paula said in what she hoped was a nonchalant voice.

"I can tell." Jeff responded.

"No offense, Jeff, but you're you're kind of a nerd. At the risk of sounding like Ness, it takes nerds a lot longer to figure out the ways of women than most other people."

Jeff knitted his brow and grinned at her challenge. "Your pupils dialated fifteen percent when you looked at him, your heart rate increased by thirty percent and your posture is oriented towards him rather than the person you're actually conversing with, me. All of these denote feelings of a non platonic nature."

Paula blushed and averted her gaze.

"You like him." Jeff repeated, he couldn't help but gloat a little in his victory, "I may not be the most socially astute person around, but I am a scientist."

Paula shifted uncomfortably. "And who said that all that means I like him?"

It was Jeff's turn to blush, as he remembered too late that he was talking to a telepath. "I uh... I read it in a uh magazine..."

Paula cocked her head. Her eyes widened as realization dawned, and then she burst out laughing. "I didn't know Cosmo was a scientific periodical Jeff!"

"Shut up, I was at the dentist's office!" Jeff muttered, arms folded.

Paula continued laughing, and Jeff decided to retreat for the time being and think up a new strategy outside of her range.

"I'm sorry! It's just really funny!" Paula called after him.

Jeff's scowl was tainted with a hint of smile, "Of course you know, this means war!" He called back.

She looked back over to Ness. He was drained the last of his cup, and stood, bowing his thanks to the Saturn he had been sitting with. He smiled at her as he strolled passed the hot springs, a care free infectious grin which she couldn't help but reciprocate. Paula thought back to the cabin, and how she had thought of Ness as her knight in shining armor. It seemed silly now, but at the same time it fit; he had, more than she would have ever thought possible, surpassed her expectations of courage and heroism.

She shook her head. Be that as it may, any dilating pupils and all warm fuzzes had to be the result of normal feelings of a non romantic nature. Jeff didn't know what he was talking about, Ness was her friend and nothing more. She simply felt a stronger connection to him because he rescued her, and they had known each other longer, not to mention the fact that they were both psychic. Yes, her feelings for Ness were totally platonic.

Paula was in denial.

X X X X X X X X

Ness and Jeff were busy conversing when she entered the odd little Saturn Hotel. Jeff was talking in a low voice, his face serious. Ness looked slightly perplexed, and quite annoyed.

Paula's heart skipped a beat. "Oh no, what's he telling you?" she tried to sound exhasperated rather than nervous.

Jeff's grin was momentary, "We're talking about serious things, nothing to do with girls or crushes."

Ness looked from Jeff to Paula and back again, clearly confused. He shrugged and said, "So what makes you think it's an agency? Maybe he's just some weirdo that can fly and likes to take pictures?"

Jeff shook his head, "There's more to it than that, I assure you."

"So, are they on our side or what?"

Jeff adjusted his glasses, " We have to be ready to deal with the fact that there may be more than one side at work here, and that their objectives may make the 'side' they're on ambiguous."

Ness' scowl deepened.

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "That bothers you?"

"It makes it more complicated. I don't like complicated." He paused thoughtfully. "But you never answered my question, what makes you think it's an agency? It sounds like a conspiracy theory to me."

"Yes, I know, it would sound like that to me too, except for this." He showed Ness the screen of a device that was apparently a Mr. Saturn computer. It was sleek and translucent with an interface that was as oddly cute as the Mr. Saturns themselves.

"What am I lookin' at here?" Ness asked.

"I intercepted a burst transmission through the satellite apparatus I installed in our hotel room in Threed. The signal was all garbled to hell, I think we have our friend, Mr. Trillonage sprout to thank for that, but from what I can tell it's a message and it's heavily encrypted. So heavily that I'm having to use this thing."

"What does it say?" Paula asked.

"Well, I've only decrypted three words. Kids, Psychic, and Pulitzer. Coincidence? I think not."

Ness was silent for a long time. Then he said, "So... What makes you think it's an agency?"

Jeff was incredulous. "You're kidding right?"

Ness shook his head.

"It's a burst transmission sent from a sattelite, which uses an encryption algorythm so complex that I'm only able to decode it with advanced alien technology! Who else besides the Eagleland government has the funds for that kind of operation?" Jeff leaned back in his chair. "Pulitzer was obviously a code name, and that fellow was an agent."

"How do we know he didn't work for Giygas?" Paula asked.

"He didn't attack us." was Jeff's reply, "If he had worked for Giygas he wouldn't have just let us waltz right into that base."

"Okay," Ness said, "Let's say that there is an agency, what do they want with us?"

Jeff folded his arms, "Your guess is as good as mine. They know who we are, and what you two can do, but right now they seem content just to observe us."

Paula looked back and forth between her companions. "So what do we do?"

"Meh," Ness shrugged, "Let's just ignore them."

"Ness!" Paula said, "This might be serious!"

Jeff stroked his chin, "Actually, Ness is right. As little data as we have right now, it would be better if they don't know that we know about them."

Ness yawned and stretched lavishly on his futon. "I'm beat, g'night guys." He was snoring in under a minute.

"He's so careless." Jeff observed.

"In his defense, we've had a long day." Paula said.

"I meant that in a good way. Actually, I'm a little jealous." He leaned back on his own Futon. "I never fall asleep that fast." There was a longish pause. "Are you ever going to tell him?"

"Tell who what?" Paula feigned confusion.

"Alright, play dumb if you like." Jeff rolled over and was soon breathing evenly.

The light in the Saturn Hotel dimmed, and Paula felt a small warm creature crawl into the futon with her.

"Keep me company?-BOING!" it whispered.

She smiled and held the Mr. Saturn close like a living Teddy bear. _There's nothing to tell him, but even so, maybe when all this is over I'll ask him to take me to a baseball game_ Paula thought as she drifted off to sleep.

X X X X X X X X

The office was stale and the ground in grime mixed with the pale yellow of the incandescent lighting gave the whole room the feel of a gas station bathroom. Still, Pokey Minch had never been very much concerned with cleanliness or appearances, and the office was spacious and comfortable which was all he really cared about.

The intercom buzzed, and the overly nasal receptionist whose name was not important enough for him to remember crackled over the line that someone was here to see him; he had given no name but said he had an appointment.

The man was tall with heavily bronzed skin and a hooked, beak-like nose. He wore a long coat, and cowboy boots.

"That's your mark." Pokey said, tossing a folder at the man. "They're getting close to one of our, 'projects', and we need them taken care of."

The man asked no questions, he only nodded and took the folder.

"Also, should you run into any of these three," He lay three photographs on the desk, "I want you to take care of them. And by take care of I mean whack. And by whack, I mean bump off. And by bump off, I mean rub out. And by rub out, I mean 'make them sleep with the fishes'. And by that I mean... well you get the idea." Pokey chuckled sinisterly.

At this the man spoke. "They're kids. And so are you for that matter."

Pokey's eyes narrowed, "And?"

The man shook his head. "Just making sure you knew that." He turned and walked out the door.

X X X X X X X X

Ness, Paula, and Jeff stepped sprightly, if a little warily, down the canyon. Even though the local wildlife was no less tame, they were no longer an organized force.

"So what if they find a way to neutralize your Psychic ability?" Jeff was asking.

"That's what the bat is for." Ness grinned.

"Should I be worried that your universal solution to everything is to hit it with a stick?"

"Hey, it's a bat!" Ness replied indignantly.

"Alright, a modified stick, but a stick nonetheless."

"I think it's nice how straight forward you are." Paula said.

Jeff smirked, "You would."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ness asked over his shoulder.

"It means--" Jeff never finished, as he was hit with a sudden gust of icy wind, "It m-means n-nothing." he said through chattering teeth.

Ness gave Paula a confused look, she simply smiled innocently and kept walking.

They passed through the now empty but still creepy catacombs and emerged into Threed, seeing it bathed in sunlight for the first time.

"Hey!" Ness shouted, "This place is actually pretty nice in the sunlight!"

In the grave yard they met a contingent of relief workers from EDRA, the Eagleland Disaster Relief Agency, who were working with members of the former Zombie Relief Corps to clean up the graveyards and dispose of the many mangled corpses.

"Hold it right there!" The man was a very official looking bureaucrat with a comb over. "Who are you kids, and where did you come from?"

One of the townspeople recognized them "Oh my God! You're back!" She said before anyone could respond. "hey everybody! Those kids are back!"

The initial murmers of 'what' and 'oh my God' gradually turned into a sparse cheer peppered with applause. The EDRA workers were quite confused.

Ness felt a tickle in the back of his mind as he looked at the EDRA workers. One of them looked very familiar. "I've seen that guy before." He said.

"Who?" Jeff asked.

Ness nodded toward a red headed man in a suit who stood at the edge of the graveyard, smiling at them. From behind him strode Pulitzer, camera and tripod in hand.

"You know these kids?" Agent comb over was saying.

"Of course!" Someone said, "They saved the town!"

The cheering was renewed. The three young heroes had their pictures taken, had their hands shaken and in general had a big fuss made over them as they made their way back to town. Paula eyed Pulitzer with suspicion, until she remembered she wasn't supposed to let them know she was suspicious. Jeff was slightly better at pretending not to care about Pulitzer or his agency, and managed not to stare openly. Ness, who actually didn't care about Pulitzer or his agency smiled for the camera, flashed a peace sign and went on his merry way.

"Are the tunnels clear?" Ness asked one of the townspeople.

"Yeah, and the bus routes are up and running again. The ghosts are all gone, and so are the zombies. You should have seen it, it was like all of the sudden somebody just turned the sun back on! It was incredible! You've never seen anything like it!"

Ness chuckled at that.

In the center of town the circus was now being used as an aide station. Several government trucks were bringing supplies in and buses were taking people out. Outside the main circus tent an official looking woman was getting her ear chewed out by another bureaucrat with yet another comb over. She was a brunette woman dressed in a positively sharp suit skirt which, given her figure, was both severe and business like, but with a provocative edge. The woman seemed to be little affected by the tongue lashing the stout relief worker was giving her, if anything she looked bored with the whole affair.

"I don't care who you work for, we have jurisdiction here and you can't just walk in like you own the place and do whatever the hell you please!" the stout relief worker was saying.

Her boredom turned to amusement when she saw Ness approaching. She smiled and turned to the bureaucrat, "Like I said again, these specimens fall under the jurisdiction of my organization. If you don't like it, you can take it up with my superiors." She nodded to the men in hazard suits carting caged zombies into a large black truck.

The man fumed and began turning red. "These things are dangerous. Keeping them alive, whatever the reason, is not only reckless, but dangerous!"

"Technically they were never alive to begin with." Jeff cut in.

"Who the hell are you kid?" The balding man demanded.

"He's one of the three who most responsible for saving this town. It's because of his efforts that the danger from the zombies is so limited." She offered her hand to Jeff in a friendly gesture. "Call me Calle."

Jeff took her hand in a light grasp and gave a slight bow with a gentleman like flourish. "A pleasure to meet you." He said, a little nervously. Was he... blushing?

"This kid?"

"I shut down their base of operations." Jeff said boastfully.

Paula cleared her throat from behind him.

"Er... They helped." He said indicating his companions.

Calle stepped past Paula, ignoring her proffered hand, and held held her hand out to Ness. He took her hand with a firm grip and shook vigorously.

"Hi, I'm Ness. Are you some kind of secret agent or something?"

"I am." She showed him her badge. "I'm with the Paranormal Event Treatment and Research Agency, or PETRA."

"I've never heard of you." Paula said, sounding annoyed.

"Me neither." Ness said, "Lemme guess, you don't officially exist?"

Calle laughed, "No, we do exist, and we make no effort to hide it. We're just very obscure because we don't chase hoaxes, and real paranormal events are so few and far in between. For example it's not every day that we see an outbreak of the undead." She paused, then fixed Ness with a knowing smile. "Or a genuine psychic for that matter."

Ness put his hand behind his head and laughed, "So you do know Paula."

Calle shook her head, "I was actually talking about you."

There was a pause, in which they stared each other down, before Ness said, "Well we should get going."

"It was nice meeting you. You're a very charming young man." Calle complimented him.

"And you're really hot." Ness responded.

"My aren't we straight forward." Calle Laughed.

Ness shrugged and turned toward the bus station, waving a goodbye as he went.

"Pardon the troglodyte, he has no manners. It was an absolute joy to meet you." A blushing Jeff gushed.

Paula fixed her with a less than amiable look, to which Calle gave a challenging smirk. Paula's eyes narrowed, and she turned and followed Ness without a word.

Calle smiled as she watched them go. A red headed man appeared by her side. "You're a good liar." He said.

"I was under the impression that liars were bad."

"We make no effort to hide our existence eh?"

She smirked. "That's technically true, aside from all the false information we disseminate."

"You think those kids have a chance?"

"I think that if they don't then we won't have long to find out."

"Then I think we should live it up while we can." the man suggested, his eyebrow raised suggestively. "You know, just in case there's no tomorrow."

"I'm not dating you, 'N'" she said as she turned and walked away.

"Oh come on, it's just coffee!" He called after her.

She turned and looked once more at the Ness' retreating back. _It's funny_ she thought, _They look just alike._


	14. The Good, The Bad, and the Nerdy

CHAPTER XIII: The Good, The Bad, and The Nerdy

"Are you ever going to tell him?"

"Possibly. When it's all said and done."

"You don't want to be like me, is that it?"

"All little boys grow up to become their fathers. I don't have a choice."

"You didn't want him tangled up in this, I know that. Let me assure you, however, that I had nothing to do with his involvement."

"I never said you did."

"I know you resent me for sending you on that little quest..."

"No, dad, I don't. And as for Ness, He'd be on this quest weather I told him or not. He's stubborn like that."

"So why not tell him? It seems that with your experience in like matters you could at least give the kid some pointers."

"We're not going to get involved directly."

"Why not?"

"Just trying not to upset the balance of things."

"Ah, I see. Ana have another one of her visions?"

"Something like that."

"What happened in this one?"

"..."

"Well?"

"We died."

X X X X X X X X

The fat blond kid fled across the desert, and the chosen ones followed. Well not really, since Pokey Minch had reached Fourside and had taken root there like some obese tumor while the chosen ones were still bashing zombies in the tunnels leading to Grapefruit Falls. Now, as Ness, Paula, and Jeff stalked doggedly across the burning, dusty hard-pan, they didn't so much pursue Pokey as travel with the same destination in mind.

It had been a full week and a day besides since their setting out, on foot, from the Dusty Dunes Motel, and their water had been completely spent twice over. Paula's dousing had allowed them to find underwater aquifers and springs in order to restock, and that was fortunate, but the food was running thin, and though both Ness and Jeff were loathe to admit it, they were lost. Granted, they knew in theory which general direction their destination lay, and continued to press ever eastward, but they had left the highway three days ago to find water and hadn't quite been able to make it back.

"I know precisely where we're going." Jeff shunted aside Paula's uneasy questions. "We're going to Fourside."

They were standing on the ridge of a shallow half bowl with an endlessly flat and stony landscape stretched below them, prickly brown shrubs reached for the sky as if imploring the heavens for the rain that so seldom fell there.

"Yes, that's where we're supposed to be going," Paula persisted patiently, "But where exactly are we?"

"In the middle of the friggin' desert, where's it look like?" Ness cut in, wiping the sweat from his brow. The boy had taken on a good natured grumpiness during the course of their trek, as though he secretly enjoyed roughing it through the heat and misery and did a poor job of hiding it. His shirt and jeans were caked with dust, and clouds of it billowed when he took off his hat and smacked it against his thigh with grim pleasure. Ness was a desperado, a gunslinger chasing an old foe across the desert, under the mountains and to the sea. Paula found that the image of Ness with a thin cigar and revolvers strapped to his hips made her blush and set the butterflies in her stomach to fluttering. Luckily her cheeks were already flushed and had been for days now, so she could blame it on the heat.

"Seriously, though," Ness went on, "we have water, and we've got some food left. We'll come to a store soon, and we'll be fine. It's not like this isn't Eagleland. It ain't the old west or anything."

Even as he said it, the other two could hear the note of disappointment in his voice.

Paula again tried to be the voice of reason, "We have food left, yes, but it won't last for very long, Ness. We have maybe another three or four days worth, and that's if we stretch it."

"Banana." Jeff said suddenly.

Ness and Paula fixed him with puzzled stares.

"Sorry." He said, his voice somewhat slurred. He wiped his slightly unfocused and dazed eyes under his thick glasses, "I haven't a clue why I said that, it just popped out."

Ness put a worried hand on Jeff's forehead. "You ok there buddy?"

"It isn't heat stroke again, is it?" Paula inquired.

They had all had their bouts with the sun, but being from a cold and sunless place like winters meant Jeff had had the worst of it.

"No, no, I'm fine. I saw a flash of yellow out there, is all." Jeff waved his arm vaguely at the expanse of scorched and forsaken land ahead, "I'm a bit winded, I suppose, but fine, really."

Ness gazed out across the cracked dusty desert squinting, then broke into a smile. "Looks like a construction site." He said, and added with a gleeful grin "And where there's a construction site, there's a porta-potty."

Jeff blinked twice before saying, "Would I regret it terribly if I asked why you seem so joyous over a portable lou?"

"I dunno," Ness replied carelessly as he started down the ridge, "Aren't you tired of crappin' in a hole?"

Jeff paused for a thoughtful moment. "For all his crudeness, I must agree." he admitted.

Paula suppressed a giggle, and started after them.

X X X X X X X X

It was not a construction site that greeted them as the sun lay dying on the western horizon, but a mine. The beginnings of one, anyway. A gruff looking forty something man with a dark five o'clock shadow and eyes that seemed to be eternally squinting against the murderous desert sun sat on a bulldozer yellow-gray with dust, looking supremely disappointed. He saw the kids approach him from a good ways off, but didn't speak until they were within ten feet of his perch.

"Yous kids look like hell." he said in a thick undeniably east coast accent.

"Well, we have been walking through a giant litter box." Ness observed.

The man chuckled.

"You look down, buddy. What's eatin' ya'?" Ness asked.

"Just got a case of the stupids." the man said, "Me and my brotha's all drove outta' Fourside an' forgot to pack da' food. I sent my kid brotha' inta' town ta' get some, but knowin' him he's probably at da' bar chasin' skirts."

Ness scratched his head, and turned to his companions, as if silently asking their permission then turned back to the man and said, "We don't have much, but you're welcome to it."

The man laughed, "I couldn't let you's kids gimme your food, it looks like you need it more than me."

"An excelent point, Ness." Jeff observed pointedly.

Ness wrinkled his face at Jeff, his scrunched lips cocked to one side.

"Those are our last rations, Ness." Paula added doubtfully.

Ness put on what he hoped was a grave face and said, "But Paula... What would Jesus do?"

Paula averted her gaze, slightly ashamed.

Ness simply smiled. He put a hand on Jeff's shoulder, "Besides, blondie, there are two types of people in this world, those who share, and those who sleep outside." He turned to the miner, "You mind if we crash here tonight pops?"

"'Course not, yous kids are welcome here anytime. I'm George, by the way, George Montague."

Ness grinned a triumphant 'told you so' at Jeff as they walked towards the miners' shack.

"Your altruism never ceases to amaze me." Jeff muttered.

"That sounds like sarcasm." Ness noted.

"Ideed?" Jeff deadpanned.

"Yeah, What's altruism mean?"

Still standing outside, Paula shook her head. It had gone on like this for the better part of the last week. The two would make jabs at each other, Ness in his blunt, often crude way and Jeff with his overly complex and heavy handed insults. They seemed to constantly tear each other down, yet Paula could sense the growing undercurrent of camaraderie and playfulness.

"Boys will be boys," She said softly.

"Hey, you comin'?" Ness called to her. She started from her reverie and followed the two of them inside.

And so they supped that evening with the two miners who had stayed behind. They were brothers, out prospecting the desert for gold, or other mineral deposits which might turn a profit. Across the dinner table where they took their cheerful if conservative meal, David, George's younger brother, asked the inevitable question, "So why was yous kids in the desert in the first place?"

The three children exchanged glances between them, and then Ness began, the tale of their desert tribulations spilling out like so much water in the parched wilderness.

X X X X X X X X

Ness held his sides as he jiggled with jovial laughter, part in triumph, but mostly in amusement. First, he had finally found a way to trump Paula's puppy dog eyes. Second, the reason she was making them was so damn funny he thought he just might suffocate. Jeff sat in the row behind them, wiping his eyes from the hilarity of it.

"Okay, come on Paula, you can do it. It's really not hard." Ness managed between bouts of laughter.

"Ness, come on. Cut it out!" She protested.

"You did it before! When we were fighting that ghost! Come on, just say 'ass'."

Paula scowled and turned away, staring at the now arid landscape running past the window of the bus. "That was a special circumstance. Our lives were in danger, and it didn't sound right when I said it even then."

"Clearly you just lack Ness' comfort with it." Jeff cut in.

"He's right." Ness said, "Practice makes perfect, and you have to be ready for our next fight. Think of it as your training."

"And why are you two so comfortable with it?" Paula demanded, exasperated.

Jeff took off his glasses, cleaning them with his shirt. "I am, for all intents and purposes, an orphan. Seeing as I lacked any real parental guidance past the age of five, I inevitably picked up a few vices here and there."

"My parents are pretty open with me and my sister, and they don't get on my case swearing when they do it too, just as long as I'm not excessive with it. I am, of course, but that's not the point."

Paula shook her head in dismay. "You guys are so bad."

"I suppose it is fairly ironic." Jeff mused, pushing his glasses up his nose as he laid his ankle across his knee, "That we're the agents of good in a struggle against cosmic evil, and yet here we are attempting to corrupt poor Paula. On the other hand, profanity and what society considers to be profane is a fairly arbitrary business. The phrase 'Goddammit' is only considered profane because it's a form of blasphemy. But to someone who doesn't believe in God in the western sense, the phrase means little if anything at all."

"Here we go again." Ness groaned.

Jeff threw up his hands, "It just stands to reason that if there were a divine being he would at least stay consistent in what he tells prophets and holy men, or at least give some demonstration of his existence."

"What about that illusion?" Paula asked.

Jeff looked confused. "I don't follow."

"The only reason we survived was because I prayed. Otherwise we would have killed each other."

Jeff shook his head, "You don't think that perhaps your subconscious mind manifested a desire for survival through your psychokinesis when you prayed?"

Paula sighed, "Why is it so hard for you to take things on faith?"

Jeff smirked, "I'm a scientist, I work with data not faith. But if you insist, we'll do an experiment." With that Jeff bowed his head, and folded his hands, his brow furrowed in concentration. "Dear Lord," He prayed, "Give us a sign, any sign, that you exist." He opened one eye and looked around. "Anything? No? That's what I thought."

Paula opened her mouth to say something, but didn't, because at that moment there was a stream of profanity from the driver. The bus' brakes screeched and the whole thing lurched to a stop.

"Sorry about the abrupt stop kids," The driver said from the front, "I wasn't paying attention."

Looking out the front they could see a line of cars inching down the road ahead of them. What couldn't see was the end of this monster traffic jam.

Ness looked at Jeff in mock scorn, "Geeze Jeff, ya' just had to piss Him off!"

Jeff opened his mouth and then shut it abruptly. This he repeated a few times, looking not unlike a drowning fish. At length he said, "The sheer improbability of what just happened aside, what are we going to do now?"

"We just have to wait it out, I guess." Paula offered.

The driver honked in frustration a few times before turning back to his passengers and saying, "Sorry, but I've got a schedule to keep, and since I can't make Fourside I'm gonna have to turn around and head back."

"That complicates things." Jeff observed, "We can't afford to turn around at this point, and it isn't as if we can walk across the desert."

"And why can't we?" Ness asked.

Jeff was incredulous. "Are you serious? It's a hundred and twelve in the shade! I am perhaps exaggerating, but not by much!"

"Oh ye of little faith." Ness quipped as he pulled his backpack out of the overhead compartment.

Jeff shifted his jaw, "There are two types of people in this world, Ness, those who burn easily, and those with psychic healing powers. I burn easily, so unless you can cure heatstroke I'll not make it."

Ness shouldered his backpack with a reckless smile. "Only one way to find out!"

They piled out onto the burning cement amid the den of honking horns, idling engines, and people screaming profanity. Jeff stood talking with the bus driver while studying Ness' atlas, intently getting the lay of the land, while Paula chatted with a few of the people who had gotten out of their cars in the back of the gridlock. Ness took stock of their luggage, such as it was, and when the bus pulled away and turned around they met up in the middle of the clogged road.

"Well, we could follow the highway," Jeff began, "But it isn't exactly the most direct route to Fourside, and since speed is everything at the moment I think it prudent that we take the straight and narrow."

"It wouldn't work anyway." Paula said, "Giygas is more than certainly behind this traffic jam."

Ness perked up at this, "How do you know?"

"It's a secluded desert highway, when was the last time you heard of a traffic jam in the middle of nowhere?"

"Good Point." Ness said. "We need supplies if we're gonna walk, all we've got right now are some of those peanut cheese bars from Saturn Valley."

"There's a truck stop about a mile back, there should be a convenience store nearby at least." Jeff offered, producing the atlas.

"Sounds like a plan! Alright, Blondie, let's go!" Ness exclaimed as he began walking.

Jeff and Paula gazed at his back, confused.

"Him, or me?" Paula asked uncertainly.

"Does it really matter?" Jeff replied, wiping his brow.

After fifteen minutes of walking they were all thoroughly hot and very bothered, but surprisingly dry, their sweat evaporated instantly. Presently they arrived at the truck stop which the atlas had proclaimed to be the last speck of civilization for the next hundred miles. As Jeff had surmised there was a convenience store, a small wooden shack of a place which was covered in dust, much like everything else in the desert.

"Can I help you?" The elderly woman behind the counter greeted them. She had silvery blue hair, and smelled of oatmeal cookies.

"We need supplies." Jeff said with a cordial smile. "Water, canteens, food..."

"And saran wrap." Ness chimed in from the other side of the store.

Jeff cocked an eyebrow. The woman only nodded and piled a few things on the counter, and directed him to the beef jerky.

"So are we all set?" Paula asked cheerfully.

"I'm hungry." Was all Ness said.

"Isn't it a little late in the day to be setting out?" Asked Jeff.

Ness pointed across the street to a skeevy looking diner. "I say we eat dinner there and leave in the morning."

Jeff appraised the greasy spoon and then the Dusty Dunes Motel with a doubtful eye. "Perhaps we should seek more..." He cleared his throat, "reputable accommodations."

Ness elbowed him playfully, "Aww, come on Jeff, live a little!"

Paula lifted her hands in cheerful resignation, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

Jeff furrowed his brow, shook his head, and followed after.

X X X X X X X X

Two figures stood surveying the vast painted desert, one was tall with thin, wispy blond eyebrows and long blond hair. He wore a black suit over a dark blue button up shirt with the collar spread open across his chest to the third button. His companion was a woman, slight of stature with small delicate features and large brown eyes. A man approached the pair silently from behind. He made no effort to mask his presence, or muffle his footfalls; it simply happened by habit. Without turning the first figure adjusted his large, flashy sunglasses and addressed the newcomer.

"Ten years and you haven't lost your touch." He turned to the hook nosed visitor with a grin, "Agent 'V'."

The woman turned and glanced quickly from her companion to the hook nosed man and back again, her eyes held a mixture of respect and awe. Then, as realization dawned she pushed her large, owlish glasses up her nose and the look of respect turned to one of alarm spiced with fear.

The hook nosed man hmph'ed, his mouth a flat, stony line. "As I thought, you kids work for the old man."

the thin man lowered his head, adjusting his sunglasses, and glaring over the top. "Call me 'Kautzky', and this is my partner 'Leone'."

'V' raised an eyebrow, his cold eyes narrowed. "So they're letting names walk around in the open together." His brow furrowed as he crouched slightly, "That old fool!"

Leone stepped forward, and pointed at 'V' dramatically, "Rogue Agent 'V'," She said with sudden resolution, "By authority of the PETRA organization you are hereby charged with desertion, espionage, and noncompliance with security codes 171-8 through 189-5!"

The man called 'V' met her gaze with an icy stare, and Leone averted her eyes.

"Rookies." Kautzky said with flair, "Always doing things by the book. But the book doesn't matter to rogue scum like you, does it 'V'? No, of course not. Men like us speak the language of action!" he held up his fist in a drastic gesture.

At this 'V' cracked a half grin. "While I'd love to stay and chat with you kids, I've got business to attend to. So if we could get this over with I'll be on my way." he touched the brim of his hat with his index finger, "And don't bother coming at me one at a time. As I said, I'm in a hurry."

"Pretty brave, taking on two psychics at once!" Kautzky jeered.

"I don't need courage to take care of two abominations like you." There was a loud click as he thumbed the hammer of his revolver. They had never seen him draw.

X X X X X X X X

"Do You see that?" Paula asked, squinting into the heat hazed distance. Ahead she saw two human figures lying prone in the sand. She'd felt what she thought was a flare of PSI, but at that distance she couldn't be sure.

They came upon a man and a woman, lying down on mats in the sand. They both wore sunglasses and looked for all intents and purposes like sunbathers.

"Are they dead?" Paula whispered gingerly.

"Naw, they're just sunbathing." Ness said.

"Who sunbathes in the bloody desert?" Jeff demanded.

"Are you alright?" Paula addressed the couple.

"Fine." The woman responded.

"We're just getting a little sun." The man said.

"Told ya." Ness said.

"Why are you sunbathing in the middle of the desert?" Paula asked. "Shouldn't you be at the beach?"

"Well, we've got sand, sun, and blue skies, three out of four is good enough for us." the man said.

Jeff shook his head, trudging doggedly forward, "If they want to burn to death, let them."

When the children were out of sight, agents Kautzky and Leone sat up and gazed at the childrens' retreating forms, flickering and distorted in the desert heat. Leone bowed her head in concentration and the two agents began themselves to flicker and shimmer, though it had nothing to do with the temperature.

"Those kids..." Leone breathed, as the illusion of a bathing suit faded into the image of the pantsuit she actually wore.

Kautzky nodded, his brows furrowed. "I know, I can't believe they bought such a lame cover story. They're pretty dense."

"N-no... not that."

"But still, that was good thinking on your part." Kautzky said, "To think that that man could defeat the both of us so easily..."

"What I meant was, their..."

"Yeah, I felt it too. The girl's power is amazing, I've only felt one other like it. Perhaps they would stand a chance against 'V'... Although, as long as he has that machine it's doubtful. Even that girl's powers would be nothing against it."

"But the boy..." Leone said.

"Yeah, there's that. It's as if he's..."

"...Not there." Leone finished.

X X X X X X X X

"So yous kids just decided to hoof it across the desert. That takes stones, lemme tell ya'."

"Naww, we're just in a hurry." Ness laughed.

The three children stayed in the miner's shack that night, Paula took the spare bed left by the third Montague brother, while Jeff took the couch and Ness crashed on the floor. That night, Paula dreamed under the cloudless desert sky. She dreamed that she stood among the endless stars with the vastness of the universe wheeling about her as a clear, strong, God whispered voice, spoke to her.

_You are the girl._ It said, _Three boys and a girl, and that girl is you._

She silently agreed.

_You are the psychic._ It said, _You have the sight._

_There are four. The Boy has begun, the Genius has come, the King is not yet, but you are the Psychic._

Paula listened patiently as the voice, (less a voice, than a great booming everything that vibrated from everywhere, the universe embodied in prose.)

_The Boy must find the idol. He must find the image that leers, or all will be lost._

Paula listened and knew that it was true.

_The Boy cannot find the Idol alone. Not alone._

Paula listened, and understood that it was so.

_The Boy is a little thick, and a trifle slow, he cannot find the idol alone._

Paula giggled, and wordlessly agreed.

_The Boy will find the Idol, the Genius will point the way, but you must stand._

Paula did not understand.

_When darkness flashes,_ the omniscient sound said, _stand still in the marketplace. The Boy will find the Idol, but only if you stand. Stand still in the market. Stand still._

Before Paula could solicit clarification, she felt her consciousness being yanked back towards the physical plane. Distantly she heard the deep, gravelly boom of nearby explosions. _Oh Dear..._ She thought, as she opened her eyes.

X X X X X X X X

Ness stood panting as he faced his opponent, his hands planted on his knees. A few feet away, Jeff crouched on one knee, nursing a gunshot wound in his thigh. _This guy is _not _normal,_ Ness thought. He faced a gunslinger clad in black, desperado with a hooked nose and cold, dark eyes. The man wore a long, black coat and a flat brimmed hat. He carried a revolver, a thing anachronistic to his many small, and obviously high tech grenades.

"Who the devil is this tosser?" Jeff wondered aloud. "And more importantly, why aren't you using PSI?"

Ness glanced at Jeff, careful to leave his opponent unwatched for only the barest of moments; the man had a quick draw to be reckoned with.

"I can't." Ness said, scratching his head in puzzlement"My energy is all outta whack, it's like trying to scratch my nose when my hands are asleep."

The gunslinger chuckled. "Well, well." He said, "I came here to take care of the Montagues, but who knew you kids'd be here too. This is just too good, too good."

"Dammit!" Jeff breathed. He began inching his hand into his satchel, when a bullet raked his forearm, tearing his jacket and leaving a shallow slash in his skin.

"Don't." The man said, "It isn't wise."

"I'm afraid he's much faster than me." Jeff said, recalling how, three and a half minutes before, the man had drawn his pistol and put a hole in Jeff's leg before Jeff's hand was halfway to his holster.

"That a fact." Ness said casually.

"What's going on?" Paula said from behind him.

"Not much, some guy's trying to kill us, is all." Ness said. "Hey, Paula, can you blast him?"

Paula concentrated on the man, and there was the familiar tickle in her brain, and she hurled what should have been a blast of fire at him. But for some reason all that came out was a ripple of heat which quickly dissipated in the cold desert air.

"What the...?" She gasped.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Ness said, scratching his cheek thoughtfully.

Paula raised her eyebrows at him, soliciting clarification.

"When I tried to blast him, my Rockin' attack was really weak, and I couldn't hit him for shit." Ness said, then laughed, "I was actually feeling pretty stupid, but I feel better now. If you can't do anything either it must not be me."

Jeff heaved a resigned sigh. "How typical. He laughs as we're all about to be murdered by this psychotic Van Cleef Wannabe."

"No." The gunslinger said, "I have no quarrel with you. Just the psychics and the miners."

"Paula, do you still have your first aid kit?" Ness asked.

Paula nodded.

"Good. Could you take care of Jeff?" Ness asked with a smile, "I can't use lifeup like this."

"Do we have anything resembling a plan?" Paula asked.

"Sure do." Ness said, "we're gonna kick this guy's ass."

The man laughed, his cold eyes sparkling with malice and condescension. "So, kid, how do you expect to even touch me without your precious powers?"

Jeff looked from the man to Ness, and back again. "He's using something to scramble you and Ness' PSI." Jeff said. "Possibly a psychic technique, but more probably a machine. Some sort of counter PSI unit."

Paula swallowed, "But how does he know about us?" she tightened the bandages and Jeff grimaced and stifeled a yowl.

"I used to be a pawn of that old man too." The man drawled, his lips curling into a scornful sneer.

"Old man...?" Ness muttered.

"Ness," Jeff said, "We need a way to counter the machine he's using!"

"Naw, this'll work fine." Ness said. He had bent over and picked up a rock at some point during the gunslinger's monologue, and now he tossed it into the air and caught it a few times, testing its weight. "Back me up, would ya, Paula?"

"How?" Paula asked.

"Without your PSI you kids aren't much of a threat, but knowing what you are, I can't let you walk away from here alive."

"Yeah, whatever." Ness said to the man. He turned to Paula, "You're way faster than me. I'll get him off guard and you clobber him with your pan or something."

"You don't sound terribly worried." Jeff said, a conspiratorial half smile on his face.

"That's 'cause I'm strong." Ness said with a wink and a thumbs up. He angled his body and took on a pitcher's stance.

"Whatever you're planning it's useless." The man gloated, "I've stopped your damnable powers, and now I'll stop you. I won't let any of the mistakes of that place go uncorrected."

"Don't care." Ness said. He cocked his arm back for the windup, and let fly. The gunslinger was unbelievably fast, but then so was Ness. He got a bullet in the shoulder just as the rock left his hand, but his missile was straight and true. It smashed into the man's arm, and even from the distance at which he stood, Ness could hear the bone crunch. Paula wasted no time; she dashed forward, a blur of pink and blonde, weaving between the volleys fired from the gunslinger's good left hand. Jeff could only marvel at her uncanny speed, the supernatural counterpart to Ness' monstrous strength. Paula skidded to a halt just short of where her opponent stood and delivered a swift kick to the man in black's crotch. He crumpled with a surprised grunt, wringing sympathetic "OOOH's" from Ness and Jeff.

Paula squatted before the man, cradling her chin in her palms and resting her elbows on her knees. "If you're going to shoot, then shoot. Don't waste your time talking." she said with a sunny smile.

"I-I... blocked your PSI..." The man stammered, grimacing in pain, "What the hell... are you kids...?"

"Strong." Ness said, smiling as he clutched his wounded arm.

X X X X X X X X

Twenty minutes later, their wounds healed and their assailant bound and subdued, Ness, Paula, and Jeff sat around the miner's shack considering the man in black. The younger Montague brother leaned against the wall, his arms folded while his eldest brother sat on the couch in a similar pose. Ness sat cross legged on the floor, his palms on his knees. He sat uncomfortably close to the vanquished hit man, and squinting at him, his mouth puckered with comic distaste. On either side were his two companions, Jeff standing with his hands on his hips, looking hostile and disgusted and Paula crouching to Ness' left hugging her knees and gazing at the man with a species of maternal, reproachful, pity.

"Right," Ness said, "I'll begin the interrogation. First off, where did you get that hat, and how much did it cost?"

"Perhaps I should ask the questions." Jeff said, rolling his eyes.

Paula gently shoved Ness' head, sending his cap askew, giggling in spite of herself.

"Hey, I wanna know!" Ness persisted.

"Do you mean to tell me you honestly have no clue who I am?" The man asked.

The three children shook their heads.

The man in black chuckled grimly. "And here I thought you were in the know."

"Are you going to cooperate or not?" Jeff asked.

"I'm feeling inclined to be difficult." The man responded.

Jeff looked at Paula, who shook her head.

"It's no good." She said, "He's a wall."

The man grinned.

"Do you have anything to do with PETRA?" Ness asked, a little out of the blue.

The man gave a tiny twitch of recognition, hardly discernible to any but Jeff's keen scientific eye.

"May I take that to mean you work for that organization?" Jeff asked.

"Don't lump me in with those bastards." The man in black muttered. He looked at Ness. "So if you're not with them, and you didn't come from that place, tell me, how did you come by your abilities?"

"I dunno, I just got 'em." Ness said.

"I see." The man said, looking more closely at Ness. "So it's true... there are naturally born psychics in this world. I'll be damned." He gazed down at his lap for a long time, his face nostalgic, melancholy. At length he said, "Then I'll tell you what I know. I don't have any connections to PETRA, not anymore, anyway. I left the organization because of the various experiments they performed. Cruel, inhuman experiments carried out in order to awaken the power known as PSI in otherwise normal human beings. The hardliners at the organization justified these experiments by claiming that they were necessary measures to protect against another alien invasion, but that's all bullshit. All they want is power."

"Wait, _another_ alien invasion?" Jeff said, "do you mean to imply that aliens have invaded before now?"

The man sighed. "I couldn't tell you. The organization claims that they have, but I've never seen any proof to support that."

"So who hired you?" Ness asked. "To come kill us, I mean."

"Geldegarte Monotoli." The man replied. At this the Montagues gasped.

X X X X X X X X

"Ask him." Paula said.

Ness folded his arms and scowled off to the side in that irritating way that he did when she asked him to do something which he had neither intent nor desire to do. It was irritating, definitely irritating, but also just a touch cute, almost like a defiant puppy.

She turned to Jeff. "Would you tell him to ask?"

"I think I'd be rather shocked if he ever listened to me. It'd almost be a sign of impending doom." Jeff replied.

Paula turned back to Ness. "Ask him." She insisted.

"Why don't you ask him?" Ness' face was scrunched in aggravation.

"What is with guys and asking for directions?" Paula questioned the heavens.

"It's a hassle." Ness said.

"And a sign of weakness really." Jeff added.

Paula shook her head and heaved a defeated sigh. Of course they agreed on stuff like that, when it came to ganging up on her.

"Excuse me, Mr. Montague?" She asked sweetly, "Could you show us how to get to the highway?"

"Certainly," Their miner host answered. "Just head south of here, straight south, and you'll come to one o' dems' Indian casinos, right next to da' road." He said.

"Ooh, gambling." Ness stroked his chin.

"I think we'd better not." Paula admonished, "we've got other things to worry about."

"Besides that, we're all very much underage." Jeff added.

"Well, a guy can dream, can't he? Thanks for the bed Miner guy." Ness called out as they exited the shack.

"No problem." George called after them. "Yous kids take care, eh?"

"We shall." Jeff called back with a wave.

"Dude, did you just say 'shall'?" Ness asked with a laugh.

"Of course. It is English, the king's English, not that rotted tripe that comes spilling out of your mouth."

And so it began again. Paula, to promote teamwork as much as to buy herself some peace and quiet, interrupted and asked, "So what's the plan now?"

"We go to Fourside, of course." Ness said.

"And how do you propose we do that with our provisions lower than when we last had this conversation?" Jeff wanted to know.

Ness dawned one of his supremely careless grins which Paula had come to love and Jeff had learned to fear, "We hitch." he said.

NNNNNNNNNN

Author's note: It's been a while, an exceptionally long while, and I'm _still_ not satisfied with this chapter. But, it's so old and moldy that it's beginning to generate nerd rage, so I suppose I'd best post it now before it starts to smell.


End file.
